Losing Hope *EDITING*

Chapter 30; Claire Curvel

'Wake up'

'Wake up Claire.'

'WAKE UP CLAIRE!' Randall screamed in my face.

I shot up, my eyes searching frantically at my surroundings around me. My breathing was heavy, my body feeling sticky with sweat and hay covering me. "Randall," I called out, my voice shaky. I looked around frantically --I was imagining it again. He isn't here. He's dead. "Dammit," I hissed. Get a hold of yourself freak.

Randall isn't real. Your mother isn't real. Dale is not real. Stop being such a mental case you pathetic human being.

I shut my eyes, willing myself to hold back the tears that clouded my vision. It's okay. You're alive. Keep trying. After a few deep breathes I opened my eyes, my eyes landing on all the hay around me. Where am I? Where is the others? I stood up, dragging my feet carefully over to the edge of the top of the barn, my eyes widening at the walkers at the bottom.

They snarled loudly at the sight of me, their grimy hands reaching up towards me. There was no way they were going to reach me --but how did I get up here? Where is Glenn? Carl? Anybody? My eyes frantically searched the few walkers at the bottom of the barn, my heart feeling like it wasn't pumping like it should as I stared hard at each walkers face.

Not one of them. Not Glenn. Not someone from the group. There not down there.

They got away then. But why was I left and why was I up here? Why was I abandoned? Why was I left to face this world alone?

Tears welled up in my eyes as I glared down at the walkers. I was alone. Alone in a barn with no weapons and no support.

Alone again. Everyone leaves you in the end. You're a walking paradox. Crowds don't make you happy, but being alone kills you. You can only have one or the other Claire, what did you expect?

'You need to get out of here,' Dale whispered, his words laced with worry.

I shook my head, pulling my jacket off and tying it around my waist. "You aren't even real," I accused softly. "You can't help me here."

I turned my head --my eyes deceiving me as I stared at the shadowy figures of Dale and my mother. They were both looking at me sadly; like they figured I gave up already. But I haven't. I'm still here. I'm still breathing. There's obviously a reason I'm still surviving.

"I can handle it from here," I promised. "You guys don't have to keep watch of me anymore."

'It's my job Claire.'

I shook my head once again, turning away from them as I took hesitant steps towards the barn window, my feet dragging reluctantly under me. I need to get my mind back. I need to be sane. I had to find the group. I need them. Otherwise I'll really go insane. I stopped at the window, slowly turning back around to find Dale and my mother gone.

I smiled softly to myself, turning around slowly. This is me taking control of my own life now. This is me gaining my own sanity back. This is me finding my own pathway in this world.

I swung my legs out the window, tapping around until I felt the ledge of the barn before climbing out the rest of the way. I took a deep breathe, my attention on all the walkers outside of the barn. Where the hell did they all come from?

'Jump,' Randall urged.

"Go away," I cried. Why was he still here? "I can do this on my own Randall."

'You're weak. You need my help. Jump.'

My hands gripped onto the window ledge behind me, my feet barely fitting on the small wooden ledge outside of the window. I carefully leaned forward, my eyes widening at the drop. "How am I going to do this?" I whispered.