Losing Hope *EDITING*

Chapter 33; Claire Curvel

(Time skip is for a purpose)

I sat in the back of T-Dog's truck, my back pressed against the window, Carl's head poking out from the small window besides me. It was silent between us; both of us just trying to enjoy what few moments of rest we had at the moment.

It's been a few months now and we still haven't found a real place for us to settle down at. It was getting unbearably worse.

Lori was showing a significant amount now --I'd say she's about 7 or 8 months at most. Her and Rick's arguments have progressively gotten more and more constant. They can't even sit in the same car together without snapping at each other now.

That's why I volunteered to ride in the truck with T-Dog and bought Carl along with me. Being around his parents while they're fighting like that isn't healthy for a kid his age to see. But hey, nothing the poor kid sees is healthy for him.

Winter passed with a lot of complications, but with Spring approaching us, Daryl has been a bit more lucky in finding small game like a couple of squirrels sometimes more recently. Everyone is a lot more closer than the night we got run off the farm months ago. Personally everyone has changed; including myself. I just don't like the changes I've had to make.

I was closed off before but after that night when I was alone, I just can't seem to stop living in constant fear now. It's like every step I take, someone's out to get me. Even being back with the group, I feel like they could up and leave me any time they want to and I could do nothing about it. I've lost my mind before, but I've slowly gained it back, yet who's to say they won't leave me again.

They always tell me they left me unwillingly, but I know better than that. Everyone leaves in the end.

"Hey Claire, you never told me any of the stories of when you were alone," Carl pointed out. I took a sideways glance at him, shrugging my shoulders lazily. "You promised you would."

"I know I did," I answered. "But I also said when I'm ready to tell them. Right now, I'm not ready."

Honestly I was scared to tell anyone the stories. Glenn pestered me more about them then Carl, but I couldn't even tell him. They're like nightmares that keep replaying over and over in my head. That night that lady shot Franco, leaving me no choice but to blow a hole in her head for fear of my own life. Then there were nights after that, where I was just alone and scared out of my mind. Nights were I did things with a knife I found on my own skin. Nights when I was trapped with strangers I didn't know; strangers that kept me chained up and tried to feed me to walkers multiple times. Nights I don't won't to remember but have no choice. Nights were I was more of a monster than walkers are.

"You wanna play a game?" I asked Carl, to break the silence that fell between us again.

I turned to look at him, a small smile playing on my lips as he nodded his head excitedly. "Let's play I, Spy," he suggested. "I'll go first." I chuckled, leaning my head back against the window. Of course he would go first. "I spy with my little eye, something gray."

I peeked around, my eyes landing on Maggie's car, that for once she was driving. I smirked, rolling my eyes as I nodded my head in her direction. "Maggie's car?" I guessed.

"Correct. Your turn."

"Okay, I spy with my little eye, something brown," I said as my eyes landed on Carl's sheriff hat that flew out the window when he stuck his head out earlier. Luckily it landed in the truck by my feet. but I told him I was too lazy to get it at the moment.

"Trees?"

I laughed, shaking my head as I watched the trees as we sped down the road. We were going in circles nowadays, constantly going back to places we've been before to only have to move again hours later. "No." He had a point, Spring was barely approaching so the trees were empty of any leaves. Just boring old bark.