Losing Hope *EDITING*

Chapter 38; Claire Curvel

"Here."

I tilted my head back, my eyes squinting slightly as I stared up at Carol. I reached up with out complaining and grabbed the pipe she had been sharpening on one end for me to use. Giving her a nod in thanks, I pushed myself away from the overturned bus in the prison yard -standing up and dusting myself off.

For a few seconds everything began to spin, making me halt in my steps. Even with us clearing the prison yard out yesterday, I still got stuck with overnight watch and I was beyond exhausted. I can't even complain because Rick needs me to help out; I can't let him or the group down. It wouldn't be fair. If people like Daryl and T-Dog can stay up all night and most of the day to keep guard then so can I. I have to start helping out more.

"Hey you all right?" Carol asked. "Maybe you should get some rest and really sit this one out."

"I'm fine," I lied.

I do want rest but I already told Rick I'd help clear out the courtyard. I felt as if I was going to pass out at any given moment, but I still have energy. I have to help out. I've gave nothing but trouble to everyone for a while and the only way I can make up for it is by helping out as much as I can.

I nodded at Carol before jogging over to the gate where the others were. I moved myself in between Maggie and Glenn, biting the inside of my cheek at the dumb jealous feeling I was getting again. This always happens. I hate being jealous over nothing, but I hate them being so close to each other more so I always end up doing something childish. God, I need to grow up.

"We all know the plan," Rick spoke up. "The people going in, we stay in the circle understand? Nobody breaks the formation."

I nodded along with everyone else, my hand tightening around the pipe I was going to use. I took my position between Maggie and Daryl; all of us making our way to the gate where Hershel was waiting with his hands on the chain lock that was keeping the gate closed. I took a deep breathe, my hands still not feeling tight enough around my pipe. Killing walkers was something I was getting used to. Killing walkers up close with pipes and knives was something I'm always never ready for. I don't know why, but I always began to panic. I just pray this won't end badly.

"Ready?" Hershel asked, looking at the small group we made.

Rick nodded, Hershel moving quick to unlock the chain lock and push open the gate. We moved in quickly, T-Dog moving fast to take down a walker. I could hear the gate closing behind us -letting me know there was no turning back now.

"Daryl," Rick called out. I turned to look at Daryl as he grabbed a hold of a walker by the shoulder before plunging his knife up through its skull.

Licking my dry lips, I focused my attention back to around me. The snarls and moans of walkers embedding itself back into my head and the awful stench of flesh reminding me of the task at hand.

"Come on."

I moved with the small circle we formed, smashing my combat boot down on a walkers head as it made a grab for my ankle. I didn't pay attention to the others as they took down walkers coming their way, my mind to focused on the blood stuck on my boot. What was I getting scared for? I've done this plenty of times. It shouldn't matter if I had to kill them up close, I could still kill the walkers easily. What was I being scared of?

I smirked, my grip on the metal pipe in my hand loosening. I had nothing to be scared of. I'm smarter than these walkers. I know how to handle them. Swinging my weapon up, I grunted as I pushed it into the skull of a walker that was closer to Daryl then me. I chuckled once, ignoring the stare Daryl gave me. I wasn't being reckless. I know what I'm doing.