Struggling to Connect: The 6th Book

Chapter 7: Time Passes

Three years go by and Daryl and I don't really see each other that much. Daryl makes it a point to come by Anna's grave on her birthday, but I'm sure Carol is the one reminding him when it's coming up. Other then that day of the year, Daryl doesn't come behind the walls of any community. He's been hiding out in the woods the entire time, insistent on finding Rick, and has no problem living like a hermit to do so. Although my heart aches for what we used to have, I know a life lost in the woods wouldn't be one I'd enjoy living, even with Daryl. I never felt comfortable out there, like I belong. Not like him. One afternoon in the spring, Aaron and I ventured out a new path and we came across a small cabin. It's tucked away pretty nicely and I whisper out to Aaron, "looks in decent condition. Think anyone lives here?"

"We should be careful just in case, I'll go around the back. Meet in the middle." I nod my head towards him to agree and we slowly make our way towards the house. As I approach the front steps, it creaks under my weight. I pause, my knife steady in hand in case it alerted someone inside. After a few moments of silence, I take another step forward and another until I'm at the front door. When I turn the handle to pull it open, I'm met with a bow pointed directly at my head.

It's only there for a second when it's lowered and my ex husband is huffing out, "Sadie-Mae?"

"Daryl?" I say his name, foreign to my tongue, "you live here?" Daryl turns at a sound in the back, tensing and instinctively wanting to bring his bow up. As a habit I reach over to touch his arm to stop him and say, "Aaron."

His head turns but looks down at my hand on his arm. I move it away quickly, feeling like we're back in the woods after losing the farm, "Aaron, Sadie, what yew doin out here?"

"Just scouting" Aaron informs, "mapping and such."

"Oh" Daryl simply nods, "ya'll want some tea or water?" He awkwardly asks, eyeing the two of us.

I hold up my canteen, "no, no I'm good."

Aaron steps in closer, "how long you been staying here for?" Ignoring his offer and looking around.

He looks around, and Daryl steps just slightly further into the house, "I don't know, couple months." He shrugs, probably truly not knowing.

I start to look around and my heart sinks into my stomach. I see some of the things I know are Daryl's, like his Angel wing vest, a poncho, but I also see things that typically belong to a female. It hits me that Daryl doesn't live here alone and my knees suddenly want to buckle down from underneath me, "Aaron, we should get going." I look to him from across the room.

"Already? We just got here. Let's catch up, tell Daryl what's been goin' on. Tell him about the festival we're trying to start." Aaron answers, not catching on to my deep desire to run out of the house.

I shake my head, and although Aaron doesn't catch on, Daryl does. He notices my demeanor change and he steps closer, "Sadie-Mae, please. Let me explain."

"It's fine Daryl. You broke it off with me a long time ago." Aaron realizes now what's going on and moves to step around from behind Daryl and out towards the front with me.

Daryl tries, "no, please. Let me explain it's not—"

But I turn from him and leave out the way I came in, Aaron right behind me, "we'll keep this place off the map, mark it as a dead zone." Aaron tells him as we leave, essentially making sure no one comes back around to bother him. Him and his girlfriend.

Daryl follows us out but doesn't go any further then the steps, stopping on the same one that creaked when I walked in. Aaron and I walk off in silence for 20 minutes before he asks, "you wanna talk about it?"

I take a deep breath before replying, "what's there to talk about? He's moved on, I clearly haven't. And it hurts." I grab my heart with force, it racing inside my chest, wishing I could rip it out and throw it at Daryl's feet.

Aaron steps closer to me, "just because there was some things laying around doesn't mean they were together." He does his best to be rational right now with me. I give him a knowing glare, and he nods his head, "I'm sorry, Sadie."

I puff out some air and try to use my brain to fix my heart, "it's fine. He's fine, he's alive, and he's happy. That's all I want for him. To be happy."

"It's okay to be upset." Aaron encourages me, "it's ok to want him to be miserable without you. That's normal." He sort of chuckles, "when my first boyfriend broke up with me, I went to every single one of his soccer games wearing a bright neon color shirt so he'd see me and hopefully choke and be bad and just be as mad and broken as I was."

"Did he?" I ask with a small smirk.

He shrugs one shoulder, "maybe the first game, but it was just a way for me to keep seeing him. I couldn't accept the break up."

"I don't know, maybe if I show up everyday wearing nothing he'll want me back." I joke.

Aaron chuckles with me, "the way to a man's heart usually is through his uhh.."

"Usually, but not with him." I spill honestly to my friend, changing our conversation from joking to serious, "do you know Daryl and I didn't have sex until we were married?" I only pause for a second, "It took us years to build something, something strong and solid first, and it was so beautiful." I pause, not wanting to say it out loud. Eventually, I do, "what if he's been doing that out here with her? What if he's building something more beautiful with her?" Although I hold my tears in, Aaron must see them staining my eyes, he moves closer to hug me, and try to assure me, "there is no way he could build something more beautiful without it being with you. Maybe it really wasn't what you thought." He suggest going back to give us some time to talk. I refuse, telling Aaron it was time to keep moving forward in the woods, and in my life.