Struggling to Connect: The 6th Book

Chapter 30: Normal is Hard

The next night after dinner, I head back to Daryl's to get some sleep. He's heading out to hilltop the next morning and I'm going out to look for Negan at sunrise. When I get to the room early before the moon even rises, dog runs over to me and jumps up, "hey, doggo! Ohh, good boy!"

"Told ya he likes yew better." Daryl grunts as he pulls off his vest.

Petting the dog, I reply, "he's just happy to see someone other than you in here." I smirk back to him as he looks at me over his shoulder.

Daryl and I hang out for about another hour just playing with dog and letting the time past, "nah, you lie."

He throws dog his ball across the room, "no! I'm for real..." Daryl told me a story about Merle dealing and how the two of them almost got arrested, "got a lot of arrest stories with Merle. Always gettin into trouble."

We laugh together and let the sound echo through the room until we're in a comfortable silence. Years back I never would've pictured I could comfortably be in a room alone with Daryl again. However, this feels fine. Like being around an old friend. I break our silence by saying, "I think ima try and get some rest now. I wanna get out there before the suns up."

"Iight, I'll give ya some space." Daryl goes to stand up, "but Sadie-Mae, ima be here for yew if yew need me too. I won't walk off like last time."

"Thanks, Daryl." But I joke with him as I adjust to lay on the futon we've been sitting on, "but I think dog might have you covered." And the two of us look to see dog cuddling up next to my feet where Daryl was previously sitting.

Daryl smirks, "at this rate, I'd trust him more." He winks and says, "goodnight. I'll be right over here." He points over to a lazy boy chair in the corner, moving quietly over there to sit.

"hey, hey" Daryl's low voice wakes me from my sleep, "you good?" he asks as our eyes meet.

I sit up slightly and pat at my head, covered in sweat, "I'm alright, yah, thank you."

"yew wanna talk about it?" He squats next to the futon waiting for my answer.

I shake my head ever so slightly and explain, "this one wasn't about Alpha, it was about Rick."

"Rick, hmm? Haven't had any of those in awhile." He returns, recalling my past nightmares he'd help me through.

"I know, that's really weird." I return, the nightmare already slowly fading out of my memory.

I take a deep breath and thank him again for waking me. Daryl shakes his head, "Dog was starting to growl, think he knew somethin' was wrong."

I bend my head slightly and smile down at the canine, "well thank you too, doggo." I move a bit to pet his head, and say out, "was I asleep for a bit? Feel pretty rested at least."

Daryl looks over his shoulder at a clock and mutters, "4 hours about, suns up in another 2 if ya wanna sleep some more."

I sit up, deciding to just get up and get ready to go. Earlier then expected but will get me out far enough to search places Negan might actually be before the sun rises. When I get back to the room showered and changed, I go to grab my bag and head out. "Hey, why don't I leave dog here. Yew can stay here with him."

"Ya sure? I don't wanna—" I go to protest.

Daryl insists shaking his head, "nah, it'd be empty anyway till I get back. He's happy here. Judith can watch him while we're out and then yew can have company at night."

"Alright, ya. Sure." I nod and smile towards dog, "thanks." I look over to Daryl and he smirks back towards me.

Daryl and I leave the house together and Siddiq eyes us as he sits awake outside of the infirmary. Daryl gives him a head nod and he stands up, grabbing a bag. I walk over to him as Daryl walks off and check in, "so Dante's gonna be alright while we're gone?"

Siddiq nods flatly, "ya, not much going on. He'll be fine. Maybe he can practice his bedside manners." We both chuckle and then Siddiq questions, "I know it's none of my business, but you and Daryl? Back together?"

"I shake my head, "no, no. Nothing like that."

"So, negan?" He asks quickly.

"What?" I question taken back.

He shrugs a shoulder, "most of us know you spend a lot of time with him. You're going out to look for him."

"Negan and I aren't together or anything. I'm going out to look for him because he escaped. And I'd rather see him locked up than dead, because we're friends." I tell him, coming off harshly.

"Hey, no judgment here. After—" he trails off, "I just hope you're managing better than I am, that's all." He admits to me.

Siddiq and I don't catch up regularly about what happened and how we're doing, but we check in from time to time. We're the only two she let live, and every few weeks it's nice to remember that I'm not alone as much as I feel I am. I change my attitude and question, "your nightmares are back?"

He shakes his head ever so slightly and steps in to whisper, "more like memories. I'm remembering their screams, sometimes flashes of faces come to my mind. A chin. An eye. And it's not when I'm sleeping."

Siddiq knows I've been hearing the screams in my nightmares so I'm not surprised he's starting to hear them too, but the idea of the memories of seeing what happened coming back to me makes me sick, and I do what I can to push the nausea away and comfort him, "oh man. I feel like anytime we get just a little better, something happens and it's like we are right back in that shed again. I'm sorry." I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze.

"Thanks, and thanks for being here. It helps being around ya." He says gently.

"Ya, I know what you mean." I smile in return, "be safe out there."

"You too" he waves me off and I head to the front of Alexandria to leave before the sun rises