Ashes Arise

Home Advantage

Spring semester ended and I packed my dorm room and returned back home. It was the summer of 2016 and I felt like things would finally shift into place. I got my first 'real job' and it was definitely interesting to say the least. 

I was now the proud face at every country fair in the state of Ohio advertising models of bath tubes. That's right I was one of those people that sat at a table trying to get your phone number so my boss would call you till you answered to give you a free estimate to redo you tub or shower. I couldn't complain the pay at the time was fourteen dollars an hour and you were paid for the mileage you used on your car so for a college kid it felt great. 

I just had to sit at a table and talk to people. The best part was I had the spiel down. I would say, " This is a acrylic all in one piece seamless wall. Water cannot get being this. It comes in two pieces. It is perfectly molded to your shower or tub all with one custom sheet with heat." People would just stare at me and nod their heads. I got so excited if they filed out a information card because that's what my boss wanted from me and if I didn't get it she freaked out. 

Other venders would be near me but mostly men. These men were all between forty to fifty years old. They would walk into my booth and try and talk to me. Ask me how old I was and how I was doing. I noticed them staring at my ass all the time and teasing me on what I had to wear for work. They made me very uncomfortable and sometimes I just got up and walked around the fair. 

Eventually Devon needed a job too because he was out of college too for the summer so I helped him get the same job as me. He despised it but it was money and not a hard job to do. The hours just dragged and things got boring really fast. You could only walk around the fair so much and the heat of the day sometimes got so unbearable. 

I remember setting up one of my mobile trailers and for the first time Devon and I worked with one another. The other vendors stared at us and started to tease us because they knew us individually but never as a pair. Eventually one of the vendors came up to the booth looked straight pass me and told Devon that he had a pretty girl and if he wasn't careful someone might try and grab her up. This guy was always a creep with me. Devon asked if I was frequently harassed at work and I told him yes. 

That was the only summer I worked doing the fairs after that and I'm glad. I remember when school started back up and how excited I was to start school. I was going to school to be a Rad tech. Now this was not exactly the career I had in mind but for some reason I went for it. I did all the classes and I felt like I was doing great. 

For the first time I felt like this year I could breath again and weight was lifted. I pressed on and went to Rhodes State College in a nearby town and it was so small and perfect. There were even people from my old high school in my classes and they would talk with me and we enjoyed classes together. 

One day in Chemistry I noticed I had a C in the class and I panicked. In order to stay in my program I had to make sure I had nothing below a C. A C was fine and it couldn't go any lower. Chemistry wasn't my strong suit. I studied and studied and the anxiety grew. I remember me and another girl beside me called the teacher over asking about the final exam and he bent down and whispered in our ears that he gives passing grades to any girls who have 'double Ds'. I turned bright red and so did she. 

We both pasted Chemistry that was true. I'll never know if he gave me extra bonus points on my test because of my breast but I thought a win is a win. 

Now it was time to meet with my advisor on starting clinicals for my Rad Tech program and I was so excited. I finished everything I needed to in order to get in the program and this was the next step to finish. I remember the meeting and how it felt like I was in a sitcom. 

He brought me back into his grey square cubical. It felt stuffy and cramped. He sat across the round table from me with papers. He had this giddy smile that was so odd. He told me, "Do you want to know the good news or the bad news?" 

I said, "Bad news?" how could there be bad news everything was good right? Nope.

He told me the Rad Tech program was full and busting at the seems and I would be put on a waiting list but there wouldn't be room for a year or a year and a half. I was devastated. 

He said, " I'm going to sound like a used car sales man but let me tell you an option here. You can do Medical Coding or Respiratory Care."

I wanted to smack that smile off his face. I didn't want to do either of them. I felt like finally I had something and now your telling me there's no hope in the program I wanted?

I drove home balling my eyes out after I signed up for Medical Coding because it's not what I wanted but I pressed on I had to have something. 

Winter came with it's icy chill and the holidays seemed like they could cheer me up. My family my boyfriend this is what kept me going. Right? Yes this is what I had to focus on and kept me going. 

Christmas Eve is interesting for my family. Now usually people love the holidays but holidays every year for me felt like a over inflated balloon. My fathers past always crept up on him like a sticky piece of gum underneath your shoe.

My dad was abused as a child and escaped that life but the past trauma always seemed roar it's ugly head near the holidays. It was complex because as a child you don't understand why your parent act that way but now I know his parents hurt him in a way he never wanted to hurt us. 

Anyway our Christmas tradition was to go to the Christmas Eve Service, go eat Japanese hibachi style, and then open our Christmas presents on the way home. What tended to happen was we would go to the service, eat, and then on the way home our dad would start to crack. Someone would start singing, "Don't be a jerk it's Christmas" from the SpongeBob Christmas Special. That was it he would snap he would tell everyone to shut the hell up and go to their rooms.

Eventually we would all creep out of our rooms and make our way in front of the tree and it's as if he was okay again. We were used to it. 

This year was different though I curled my hair and put on my best Christmas dress. Devon was coming with us and spending Christmas Eve with us.

My mom made sure I painted my finger nails to match her even though I never painted them. 

We sang Silent Night at church holding the candles around the church Sanctuary. Then we went out to eat Hibachi. Devon's hand clung so tight to me and he seemed so giddy with excitement. I was almost done eating my rice when the cook was heating up the grill again to clean it. He threw a ton of alcohol on the fire and lit it throwing a bowl. The cook lifted up the bowl and out came a ring box. 

My brother Cole's eyes were bigger then a deer who was about to be road kill. The look of pure shock on his face was so cute that I totally didn't understand what it was. The cook then threw the ring box to Devon who then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. 

Shouting in the background my siblings were saying, "This isn't real." 

I said, " Yes" and kissed the man I loved. 

A little Asian woman came out of the kitchen and took a polaroid picture of us and handed me purple flower Devon had hidden in the back. The ring was beautiful. I loved it. I felt complete and like I was floating on a cloud. 

How could things get any better then this? Finally I had everything I ever wanted and Devon was going to be there to protect me and help me navigate for the rest of my life. We were going to build a life together and a family. I was so excited. I thought to myself let the adventure begin and the new beginnings start.