Ashes Arise

Roach Abode

Back after the wedding we lived in Lima a town over from where I grew up. Devon didn't think of it top priority to think of our living situation after we were married. A month before we were married my dad and him drove around loving for apartments and any possible rental houses. 

Nothing. 

I remember walking into every smoke filled apartment complex begging for a application but never got a call for availability or they were all filled up. Dread sunk in.

So my dad to took Devon out and it just became what it was. The only option at the time was a run down apartment all in a row, grey, one bedroom, musty, maybe 420 square feet and of course the roaches. I wanted to make the best of it and make it feel like "home" because it was our first home. 

The furniture was all my parents' old furniture since they couldn't take it with them since they could not take it with them on the island so that was such a help. Then of course I decorated the best I could.

When we came back we tried to get back to the swing of things me at work full time and college full time. Devon college full time and work part time. 

We seemed to get into a great routine of work, school, and a good evening routine. We would spend our evenings asking each other how our days went, going over school work, and watching TV together.

Eventually we continued the intimacy part of our marriage as normal as it could be. 

Things seemed to be going okay. 

April came.

That was Devon's birthday. The big 21.

I got him a big chocolate cake from the bakery down the street and set it out for him when he came home. I had gifts all laid out for him and was excited for when he came home from school that night. 

I remember sitting at our dinning room table beside the cake and the presents when I heard the door handle jingle; I was bursting with excitement. 

The door opened and he walked in carrying a large paper sack and a small paper sack, he was smiling from ear to ear.

I didn't quite under stand till he plopped the bags on the table and pulled the bottles of Mikes out which I didn't find strange and then out of the small sack he pulled out Cracken. He looked at the cake and said, "Thanks".

Me being exited went to cut the cake, but he refused it and went to the couch with both bottle and started to chug. I remember telling him that I know that he's 21 but it didn't make sense to get drunk on the couch in front of the TV. We could go out and do something for his birthday.

But that's what he did. He drank half the bottle of Cracken, most of the Mikes, and half a package of Oreo's. 

I remember my heart breaking sitting alone at the table not because he was drinking like that but, but now I was non-excitant and so I went to our room and just laid there. 

Eventually, I heard rumbling in the living room as he stumbled to the bathroom vomiting his Oreo's and Alcohol in the bathroom toilet. I don't know what led me to it but I patted him on the back and then walked away. I felt some sympathy. 

Maybe he felt like he too had to check some boxes off in his life like I felt like I had too. Mine of course looked a little different.

Devon didn't have one friend. No one who he could call and just hang out with. I never meant anyone that was his "friend". He was alone in a sense.

I felt that before but, it wasn't like that for me anymore I had friends and we hung out and called each other. 

So I always wondered if he tried to fill his lonely with something else. Especially in those little moments.