Chapter Ten
Loula
Three months had passed since the day Nidal and his army left for the war. The queen and I were sipping our tea in the tearoom by the huge windows that overlooked the water fountains. The rain pelted on the glass hard as the lighting flashed everywhere across the dark sky. I looked out and saw a man on a horse riding toward the palace. My heart pounded rapidly. Could it be Nidal? The queen turned and looked in the direction I was looking, and we both stood and ran to the window at the same time.The rider got closer. We noticed it was not Nidal. It was a soldier from Nidal's army. We raced down the hall and ordered the servants to open the palace doors. The man entered, dripping water everywhere on the multicolored marble stone floor. The servants quickly took off the man's boots, and the queen, after greeting him, told him to follow the servants to the other room where he would find dry clothes to change into.The wet man thankfully followed the servants. Minutes later, he came out of the room escorted by the servants and was brought to the tea room, where we sat patiently for him to tell us some news of the war. He started by telling us that, thus far, there were no casualties. Upon hearing those words, I was so thankful to God for taking care of the king, Billal, all the men, and, above all else, my Nidal, the love of my life. The queen and I hugged each other and cried happy tears, and then we started asking a million and one questions at the same time.The man, Jafar, said he was sent back to us to let us know that they were safe and not to worry. He then told us that the war was dragging out across Persia, and it would be months before they returned. My heart sank at the news of this. How am I supposed to live without Nidal for so long? I wanted to share the news of our baby with him. I wanted Nidal to hold me in his strong arms again. I wanted to lie in bed with him and make love to him. Feeling emotional, I cried out loud, not caring who witnessed it. I was heartbroken. I wanted Nidal to come back now.The man looked uncomfortable. His finger combed his short, black beard thoughtfully as he sat quietly in his chair. He did not know how to respond as he looked down at his cup and added a few more sugar cubes into his tea. When he finally looked up, I saw him look at me with respect and adoration as he sat there without saying a word, allowing me to cry my heart out. His eyes looked sad. I wondered if he too had someone for whom his heart ached for.The queen was concerned for my welfare and came and sat next to me, trying to comfort me. Neither one of us told the man that I was expecting. Except for the doctor, the seamstress, the queen, and me, no one else knew. I wanted Nidal to find out first before we told anyone else. When the time came that I could not hide my pregnancy anymore, the servants would be sworn to secrecy.The man hesitated for a few minutes, and then said, "Nidal has led his countrymen to the other side of the border, where they met their allies. There they rested, and then they joined forces with the Turks, and continued on their way to fight the Persians. That was weeks ago." Jafar said carefully, as he tried without success not to alarm us. "By now they are probably in the midst of war." He sighed and his shouders slumped, and my heart went out to him. "Your Majesty, I have to leave first thing in the morning. It will take me about three weeks to catch up to them. If you will excuse me now, I will go and get some much needed rest." He rose and walked over to where the queen sat and bowed before her.The queen smiled smiled up at him. "Jafar go get your rest, we will see you in the morning."Jafar followed the servant to the guest room. As he walked away, I noticed his posture was terrible. His shoulders were slouched, and he walked with a limp. Clearly this man had seen better days in his life. My heart went out to him. I wondered if he had a wife and children. Does someone cry for him to come home, as I cried for Nidal's return?I looked at the queen with a worried face. "Mother, do you think they are fine?" I asked when we were alone again, hesitating only a few seconds while I searched her face for reassurance. But I found none, for she too was just as worried as I was."I can't stand it anymore, Mother," I cried. "I want Nidal to come home now. I miss him terribly!" I choked back a sob."Now, now, don't get too emotional. It is not good for the baby," said the queen with concern as she raced up to me and hugged me. "Our men are just fine, Loula. Soon they will come home, and we will celebrate their return!"She was a miserable liar.We comforted each other a while longer until we got tired, and then we said our goodnights. It was a long night. I was tossing and turning and thinking and crying. The last words Nidal had said to me right before he left were playing in my mind over and over again.When morning finally arrived, the queen and I had breakfast with Jafar. He ate with a huge appetite, but the queen and I picked at our food with our forks. We did not feel hungry. The queen told the servants to pack up food and wine for Jafar's trip back. When it was time for the man to leave, we walked our guest outside to his horse and said our good-byes. He rode away, but not before reassuring us that our country would find victory in this war and they would return soon. But even as he spoke those words, we all knew, including Jafar, that the outcome was in God's hands alone. I stood there watching a stranger ride away, not knowing if we would ever meet again.The queen and I walked back inside the palace, and I noticed the servants were bustling about, cleaning the marble floors, and sneaking peeks at me with curiosity. They knew I was keeping a secret. They just did not know what it was.Today during brunch, I thought of the children at the orphanage, and I asked the queen if I could resume my teachings there. She smiled and agreed that it would be a good distraction. The children were so excited to see me again. They all came running to me and hugged me. The queen, worried about the baby, pulled the children away from me, but I reassured her that it was all right. I needed their hugs because I missed them greatly. Little Natalie was sitting by herself in the corner. She was the only child who did not come and hug me. When I looked her way, she put her head down and cried softly.I walked up to her and asked her if she had missed me, and Natalie nodded her head sadly without looking up. She swung her legs back and forth. Natalie was by far the most adorable child I had ever laid eyes on. My heart went out to her. I reached for her, and she slid off her seat and jumped in my arms. Her Majesty immediately put a protected hand between Natalie and my stomach. I smiled and told her that was not necessary. It was only a hug.Five ladies attended to the children day in and day out. They cleaned, cooked, and dressed the children. They were nice, and they did their job well. But it was just a job to them. They lacked the mother's touch that these children desperately needed. I was glad to be back. I would give them what they craved. The queen made it her duty to come with me every day to the children and keep an eye on me. She wanted to make sure I was not overdoing it.I noticed that the queen had a special liking to Natalie, as I had. What is it about that child that draws us to her? Could it be that she reminds the both of us of Nidal? Those blue eyes were captivating. The queen loved all the children, as I did, but we both shared a special interest in Natalie that was different from the way we felt about the rest of the children. They were all special to us, but little Natalie stole our hearts.The queen made sure I did not exhaust myself with the children at the orphanage. She made sure I had enough rest, ate all my vegetables, and exercised every day. She drove me nuts, but I loved every minute of it. I knew she would lay down her life for my baby and me. It made her very happy to occupy her time with me, so I allowed her to spoil me rotten. I needed the distraction, and I also desperately needed a mother figure in my life.***The days turned to months, and the baby bump was showing. The queen rounded up all the servants and told them that I was pregnant with her grandchild. I heard all the gasps, and then they all congratulated me, one by one. The queen told them that no one was to leak out the information. It was to remain confidential. No one outside the palace should know. They were all sworn to secrecy, and then they went about their daily chores.One day as the queen and I were sipping our tea, I felt a little flutter inside my stomach. I quickly put my hand on my stomach and sat in silence, not breathing. The queen's eyes popped open, and she ran to my side.She too put her hands on my stomach and asked excitedly, "Loula, did you feel the baby move inside you?""Yes, I did, Mother," I cried happily.As I said that, the baby fluttered again. The queen could not feel the fluttering, and she stepped back, disappointed. "I can't wait for my grandchild to start kicking. Loula, you have brought me so much joy. Thank you, dear." She smiled.That night, I could not sleep. I waited all night for the fluttering, but I did not feel the baby move again until about a week later.The days came and went, and the queen and I were busy with the children and the preparations for the baby's room. I told the queen that I expected the baby to sleep in our room the first year and not in the baby's room. She hesitantly agreed, not wanting to upset me, but I could tell she wanted the baby in its own room, where she could cater to him day and night and spoil him rotten. I knew she would make a wonderful grandmother, and I loved her so much for that.I felt huge now that I was almost seven months pregnant. I wobbled around the palace like a duck. The queen said I was glowing. But glowing or not, I still looked fat. The maternity dresses were being let out every couple of weeks. I was growing at a fast pace. The doctor's last visit was a week ago. He told us all was good and not to worry. He said the weight I was gaining was normal, and for the last trimester, he said I should expect more weight gain. I was horrified. I did not want to look too fat. What would Nidal say when he saw me?The baby kicked so much that I thought he was playing ball in there. The queen laughed with excitement, saying her grandson was an athlete. We focused all our thoughts and energy on my precious baby and decorating the baby's room. The queen ordered the most expensive baby furniture I had ever seen. A gold crib, silk sheets, and satin blue ribbons, for it was a boy she assured me. The painter finished with the blue walls, and the servants hung the satin blue curtains on the windows. There was a solid black cherry dresser with gold knobs, and it was filled to the max with baby clothes. There were toys, trains, bears, and anything a child's heart desired. The queen went overboard.The children at the orphanage were also getting excited about the baby's birth, all but Natalie, who feared the baby would take her new mommy away from her. I made it my business to explain to Natalie that no one would take her place. She was my little girl and always would be. My heart went out to her. I loved her so much. I loved all the children, and I wanted to make them feel like we were all one big happy family. I included all of them with news of my pregnancy. Every day we talked about the baby, and I noticed that even Natalie was getting excited about the baby's arrival.One morning, I woke up, dressed, and went to have breakfast with the queen. I did not have much of an appetite anymore, but the queen insisted I eat with her at every mealtime. I abided by her wishes just to make her happy. She was good to me, and I wanted to please her anyway I could. So I ate eggs and bacon and drank my freshly squeezed orange juice, and we discussed the agenda for the day.After breakfast, I went to my room. I was given a different bedroom now. This one was upstairs. The queen said we should sleep next door to the baby room. It had a connecting door to our room. I did not mind at all. The new room did not have any memories of mine and Nidal's lovemaking in it, and it felt like I was starting fresh. It took my mind off many things that were better left alone for the baby's sake.I changed into another gown and slipped into comfortable slippers when I heard commotion outside my door at that moment. I opened it and saw the servants scrambling about, happily singing, "The king is back!"My heart pounded fast in my chest as I ran to the window, and I could not believe what I saw. They were back. Nidal was back! Tears rolled down my face as I watched Nidal on his black stallion lead his men to the palace. Excitedly, I raced to the side of the room, swung open the doors that led to the balcony, and stepped outside.And there was Nidal and thousands of his men behind him. I saw the queen crying down below and waiting patiently for her husband and son to come to her. At that moment, I looked at Nidal, and he turned and looked up at me. We stared at each other for a few minutes. It was as if time stood still. I could not take it anymore. I turned around and ran inside. I wanted to go downstairs and greet him, throw myself in his arms, and tell him how much I loved and missed him.But when I reached the stairs, my body was overwhelmed, and it slowed me down. A few servants came to me and asked if I needed help. I shook my head and held on to the banister. When I stepped off the last step, I hurriedly walked to the double wooden doors that stood open and stepped outside just in time to see Nidal turn with his horse and ride away. I ran fast down the palace stairs that led to the cobblestone street, yelling his name as loud as I could. Nidal did not hear me as he continued to ride away. I called his name a few times, and by now, his men saw me and were trying to get his attention to tell him I was out there for him.There was too much noise for Nidal to hear what anyone was telling him. Finally everyone was pointing my way and chanting my name. Nidal turned and saw me. I stopped to breathe a second because I was out of breath, and I saw Nidal's face light up when his eyes rested on my face. Then his eyes roamed to my stomach, and he looked confused. When realization struck him, his eyes widened with surprise. Then everyone was quiet, waiting to see what would happen next.Nidal jumped off his horse and walked slowly toward me. He looked like a mighty warrior. His tall, lean, powerful body was even browner than I remembered it to be. He was not wearing a shirt, and his muscles flexed with every step he took. His black hair hung loose over his shoulder, and he had a short beard growing on his handsome face. I drew in a deep breath, and my heart pounded rapidly as he approached me. When he was a few feet away from me, his glance lowered to my stomach, and he paused and looked overwhelmed. He opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, I felt a pain in my side and passed out.Next thing I knew, I was in Nidal's arms, and he was carrying me to our old room. He placed me on the bed and asked if I were feeling better. I could not speak. I was lost for words. The queen came bustling in, followed by the king and Billal. The servants stood outside the entrance waiting for the prince's orders. Nidal yelled for someone to get the doctor and then ordered a wet cloth to be placed on my forehead.Nidal searched my face for answers. He placed his hand on my stomach and swallowed. The baby kicked at that very moment. Nidal's eyes popped open, and he asked with excitement, "Was that our baby I just felt?"Before I could even answer his question, he placed his lips on mine and kissed me tenderly. I thought I would die from all the love I was feeling at this very moment. The words "our baby" sent a warm feeling to my heart.The king and queen hugged and kissed each other and quietly left the room, closing the door behind them. I looked at Nidal. He was staring at me quietly. He looked so handsome. I choked back a sob. I missed him terribly. Nidal looked at me from head to toe and then rested his eyes on my face.Tears were in his eyes as he spoke. "Loula," he said hoarsely, "why did you not tell me you were carrying my child?" He placed kisses on my stomach. Our baby was kicking wildly. Nidal's hands were around my stomach now, waiting to feel his child. He laughed, he cried, and he kissed my stomach until he was worn out.At that moment, the doctor burst open the door and ordered Nidal to step aside. Nidal jumped quickly out of the way, and the doctor asked me a hundred questions. I assured him I was fine, and he relaxed. He told Nidal that I needed a lot of rest and I should always eat a healthy diet. He concluded that under no circumstances was I to be stressed out, saying it was not good for the baby. Nidal thanked the doctor and rushed him out of the room. He locked the door, came back to the bed, and sat next to me.He looked tired, hungry, and dirty, and my heart went out to him. "Nidal," I said softly, taking his hands in mine, "you need to take a bath, eat something, and go straight to sleep. You look exhausted," I told him, concerned.Nidal ignored my remark, took me in his arms, and kissed me hungrily. Immediately, my body responded to his touch. Then he let go of me abruptly and went to the bathroom where the servants had the tub with hot, steaming water waiting for him. When he was done, he came back and stopped near the bed naked, except for a towel wrapped around his waist.He stood before me, legs spread apart, with his warrior body, and I struggled to tame the emotions coursing through me. Nidal flexed his muscles. He was teasing me. His nostrils flared, and his eyes darkened as his gaze searched mine. My eyes roamed across his bronzed, broad, muscled chest. His body looked toned and sexy. Then with one swift movement, he pulled the towel, and it dropped to the floor. I stared at his beautiful, naked body hungrily. His manhood was rock solid. Desire surged through my veins. Desperately, I reached for him and waited with a thundering heart.His eyes were fierce and wild as he jumped on the bed and pulled me into his embrace. His hips leaned against my body, and I felt his manhood piercing my skin. Desire shuddered through me so intensely that a moan escaped my lips.His hands were burning my skin with his every touch. He leaned his head, and his lips brushed mine, sending ripples of sensation throughout my entire body. I was drowning in ecstasy. Nidal's hands softly caressed my breasts, and they were tender to his touch. I felt shy and embarrassed of my new body, a body Nidal was not used to. I wondered if he could enjoy making love to me even though I was big with child."Loula, don't shy away from me. I want to know every inch of your new body," he said huskily.My heart raced as his lips trailed kisses over my entire body. His slow, sensual movement of his skin against mine was intoxicating. I grabbed his shaft and stroked it gently, and a husky sound rumbled deep in his throat. His strong arms held me possessively as he pulled me over his body, wanting me to ride him. Placing both hands on my hips, Nidal pushed deep inside me, and a moan escaped my lips as I trembled with desire. I could no longer control my feelings as my body betrayed me and I cried out with lust. Nidal thrust himself deeper inside me, again and again, until my body shook with ecstasy. He tightened his hold on my thighs, and his eyes burned with desire beneath his hooded lids as he came inside me. His husky groan echoed throughout the walls of the room as his body shook savagely.He is the sexiest man alive! A gasp of pleasure escaped my lips as I lay atop my skilled lover. I had never seen a more handsome man than Nidal in my whole entire life. My eyes roamed over his handsome, chiseled face, and his eyes were wild with lust. His hands cupped my breasts as he gently stroked them. I leaned down and brushed my lips on his. Nidal slowly swayed his hips from left to right, and I closed my eyes and allowed the sweet feeling to penetrate my being. A moan escaped my lips, and I felt Nidal's hands tighten around my breast as he pushed his groin deeper inside me. The sensation was too much for me as the electricity coursed throughout my body once again. I opened my eyes and looked deep into Nidal's as I came. A cry of pleasure escaped my lips. Nidal cupped my face, brought my head down to his, and kissed me brutally.We could go on like this all night, and it still would not be enough. It was never enough. Finally, I pulled away from him and lay beside him. I was so emotional that I started to cry. Nidal cradled me in his arms and whispered words of endearments. I wanted to tell him that I missed him so much and I suffered without him. I wanted to tell him that thoughts of him during his absence played through my mind like a symphony. I wanted to tell him so many things, but Nidal rested his forehead against mine and smiled a slow, seductive smile. I trembled.A whirl of emotions flared inside me, and I ached for his lips to claim mine again, but I knew that my prince had not slept in days. I closed my eyes tightly, and my hands scrunched the fabric of the silk sheets between my fingers, trying to control the ache in my body that was yearning for his touch again. Finally, when Nidal surrendered to sleep, I lay next to him and admired his handsome face. He was without sleep for days at a time. Exhaustion caught up with him. Nidal slept for two days and two nights. I was glad he got the rest he needed.The queen mother came to our room on the second day of Nidal's arrival, and I told her he slept like a log. She left and had not come back since. The servants brought food and wine, and I nibbled just enough to feed the baby. I was not hungry for this kind of food. I was hungry for Nidal. I stayed in bed, snuggling next to him and waiting patiently until he woke up.A million thoughts troubled my mind, and this was a great time to put everything into perspective. While Nidal slept peacefully, I had the chance to think things through. The fact that Nidal and I were together again as if nothing happened prior to him leaving for war did not make sense. Things were drastically wrong the day he left. He came back, and we acted as if everything was perfect. Which can only mean one thing. Sooner or later, everything will explode in the air.Early on the third day, Nidal's hot kisses that trailed across my breast awoke me. His strong hands palmed my hips and lifted my bottom as his lips traveled downward and nestled between my thighs. His tongue glided softly, stroking me and causing my entire body to go up in flames. My fingers worked their way through his hair and twisted into a fist as I pressed his head, and his tongue glided even deeper inside me. I was trembling with passion, reaching a point of no return, and I cried out loud in ecstasy as I came with such a force that my body shook violently."Fuck me! Now, Nidal! Fuck me!" I cried feverently.Nidal growled savagely, and he pulled his body upward and entered me, slamming into me wildly. Unleashing his passion inside me as he thrust himself deeper and deeper until his body jerked with spasms of electricity. I wondered how he could still have cravings for me, even though I was so huge. He did not seem to mind. In fact, he told me he was aroused even more this time around because he missed me so much. All the months he was away from me left him aching for my body. Nidal told me that he did not care what I looked like. He loved me no matter what. To him, I was still the most beautiful woman in the world.Nidal's appetite was huge, and he ate so much food. I watched him gobble down beef, baked potatoes, freshly baked bread, and hot apple pie, and he washed it down with red wine. I was not hungry at all. I nibbled on some bread and drank orange juice. We ate in our room, not wanting anyone to bother us. I waited patiently for Nidal to finish. I wanted to ask him a thousand questions about the war. I wanted to share my experience of this pregnancy with him. I was simply overjoyed that he was home.When Nidal finished eating, he gulped down the rest of his wine, and then without hesitation, he pulled me close, and I eagerly slid into his arms and closed my eyes, trying to take it all in. Life was beautiful. Nidal was beautiful, and I was happy. But I did not know how long this mood would last. There were many issues to be resolved. And I dreaded each and every one of them. The baby kicked all day long, and Nidal took every opportunity to rest his hand on my stomach and feel his child kick. I felt very blessed, but I knew it would not last. Nothing lasts forever.The next day, I went looking to find the queen. Nidal was busy with the king, going over political things. With some free time on my hands, I thought to visit Her Majesty and ask if she wanted to take a stroll with me in the gardens.I was almost at the glass doors that overlooked the gardens when I heard voices coming from the outside. I stopped in my tracks. One voice was the queen's; the other sounded like Princess Shaeena's. Immediately, I felt dizzy as I swooned on my feet. I stepped over to the stone wall and leaned on it for support. I could feel my heart pound at a fast pace as sweat formed on my forehead. I was angry at myself that she had this effect on me. I had not seen her since Nidal left for the war. And now she reappeared conveniently, just a few days after Nidal's arrival. Angry with myself for getting upset, I walked over to the glass doors and peeked outside.She was there, sitting down with the queen, sipping tea, and looking comfortable as if it were her right to be there, as if she did not overstep her boundaries the last time she was here. I pulled the doors open abruptly, and stiff as a board, walked over to them. The queen looked uncomfortable when I looked at her, and then I turned to Shaeena's direction. The ice-cold stare that she gave me sent shivers up and down my spine, but that was nothing in comparison to what I felt when my eyes rested on her lap.I froze. My voice failed me. I could not believe what I saw. There in front of me was Shaeena, staring coldly at me with a bleak smile and looking 100 percent pregnant. The blood drained from my face, and I felt like I was going to pass out. The queen immediately stood and grabbed me, preventing me from falling to the ground."Loula dear, are you feeling under the weather?" the queen asked with sincere concern in her voice.I looked at her, and she immediately understood. Shaeena looked pleased that she had this effect on me. A smug grin was on her face. My baby was kicking in my stomach so hard, as if he too knew the effect this woman was having on me. I studied her face right before I spoke. She really did a good job hiding her misery. But I knew better. I had what she wanted, and it killed her.The pregnancy was a huge surprise to me, and even if I tried to ignore it, the fact still remained that she was pregnant and she would probably claim that Nidal was the father. She looked about seven months pregnant, about the same time that Nidal spent the three nights in her bed. So Nidal had lied to me. He had slept with her! And this was the result! How would he deny this?"Hello, Shaeena," I said sweetly, trying hard not to slap her hard across the face. "It is very nice to see you again," I lied.But Shaeena was sly as a fox. She knew I was suffering at this moment. The queen sat back in her chair and stared at us cautiously. I pulled an empty chair closer to Shaeena and sat in it, thinking my feet could not support my weight anymore. "So, what brings you by? We haven't seen you since before the war. How are you faring?" I asked with trembling lips, ignoring the fact that she was pregnant."Well, Loula, as you can see, I am pregnant, and Nidal is the father," she said straightforward, as if that were not a bomb she just dropped casually in my lap.The queen was sipping her tea, and when Shaeena made her announcement, she almost choked."Why are the both of you acting as if it is a surprise?" Shaeena asked innocently. "I told you then, Loula, that Nidal spent three nights in my room before he went to war. You were a fool not to believe me," she said smugly. "And you, my queen, are sitting here with me all this time, and not once did you care to ask if I were pregnant and whose child I was carrying!" she said boldly. "Your son slept with me, and now I am pregnant." She looked at the queen as if daring her to deny the baby's paternity.The queen looked as if the cat got her tongue. All color had vanished from her face as she looked at me apologetically. By this time, I was fuming. How dare Princess Shaeena come here and tell us all these lies! How dare she try to pin this on Nidal!I got up from my chair and said coldly, "How dare you throw your accusations around and expect us to believe them! I insist you leave us and never come back! We all have had enough of your wanton behavior!" I yelled, not caring who heard me.The queen sat in her chair, stunned, not saying a single word. I was beside myself with anger. Life was not fair. I knew not what to do. I wanted to strangle Shaeena with my bare hands."Get out of here!" I yelled at Shaeena.Shaeena rose from her chair. Her stomach was huge as she stepped aside and marched toward the palace without saying a word. She is going to find Nidal!I marched beside her. "I said you are to remove yourself from this property before I throw you out, whore!" I yelled.But Shaeena kept walking toward the palace without an ounce of embarrassment. She was full of arrogance.As the princess reached the first step, the queen ran along beside her and begged, "Please, Shaeena, don't make a spectacle of yourself. Go home, child."The princess angrily turned toward the queen and pointed a finger at her. "Shame on you. I just told you I'm pregnant with your grandchild, and you disrespect me in this way! The both of you will regret this day! My father will hear about your behavior, and I promise you that he will be livid!"She turned away, and we scrambled after her.I came to the queen's defense. "How dare you speak to the queen like that! Who do you think you are?" I spat. I climbed the stairs, trying to maintain my balance, as I reached the step that Shaeena stood on.In that instant, Nidal heard all the commotion and came running out. "Ladies, please, you are making spectacles of yourselves out here in front of the servants. Behave yourselves!" He looked at the three of us, oblivious to the real problem at hand.We all stopped and looked at him angrily. He looked from me to his mother and then rested his eyes on Shaeena. "What pray tell is your problem, Shaeena-" He paused when his eyes landed on her stomach.He stared at her wide-eyed and speechless. The princess looked at him with satisfaction. She let him swallow the revelation before she announced to him sweetly, "Nidal, I'm pregnant, and you are the father of my baby!" She eagerly waited for his reply.It was as if time stood still for all of us. Nidal just stood there, stunned. He was at a loss for words. I saw the different emotions that played on Nidal's face. Why is he even hesitating to deny her accusations? Could it be true? Could Nidal be the father of Shaeena's baby? I felt dizzy, but I held my ground, desperately waiting for a denial. But it never came.Shaeena sat there, pleased with the results. "It's your baby, Nidal," she said convincingly enough.Again, Nidal did not deny or accept her words. He turned slowly and looked at me confused. I knew that look. He was trying to think back on those three days he had spent with Shaeena almost seven months ago."Shaeena, that's a lie! Nidal would never betray me for a tramp like you!" I screamed.The princess spoke without thinking. "Shut up, bitch!"Nidal immediately came to my defense, saying furiously in his rich Arabian accent, "Madam, contain yourself. Do you know who you are talking to? Loula will be the next queen of Arabia. How dare you speak to her in such a manner!"Shaeena turned toward me, and in slow motion, she reached over and pushed me. I lost my balance, tumbled down the stairs, and rolled onto my stomach. I felt numb as all three of them came running down the stairs to where I lay. Nidal lifted me cautiously into his arms and cried out to the servants who had popped out of nowhere to get the doctor.I blacked out for a second, and when I came to, I felt excruciating pain in my stomach. I lay in a fetal position trying to deal with the pain. Nidal was crying as he held me close to him, whispering his love for me. Shaeena was behind him, afraid she had gone too far, and the queen went running to the palace to look for the king.As I lay there in Nidal's arms, I felt something wet underneath my gown. I shut my eyes as the tears rolled down my face. The pain was pulling on my stomach. "Nidal! I think I am bleeding! Please save our baby, Nidal! Please, don't let my baby die," I pleaded.Nidal cried out when he saw the blood seep through the gown. "Oh, God, no! Please, God. Save Loula and my baby, please," he begged. "Please, God, do not let anything happen to Loula and my baby, please," he begged, crying his heart out.The doctor, having moved into the guest quarters awaiting the birth of our baby, came running and yelled for everyone to step aside. He examined me, right there on the lawn in broad daylight, and after a few minutes, he shook his head sadly. I held my breath for the next words that came out of his mouth, and I was sure they would strike like a knife through my heart."Call for help, Nidal. I need to do surgery on Loula immediately," he said without any hope in his voice.There was silence in the air, as we all tried to come to terms with the outcome. The pain was shooting up my back, and I screamed aloud. I could not think clearly at this time. The baby did not kick anymore. I was petrified, and I did not know if the baby were still alive.Nidal lifted me in his strong arms and took me inside the palace, in a room that was set aside for medical emergencies only. The doctor ordered everyone out, but Nidal insisted on staying, saying he was not going anywhere. The doctor eventually gave in, not having enough time to argue with him. The queen had ordered the servants to bring hot towels and clean sheets to the room, and a few servants stayed in the room to assist the doctor. The last thing I remember was Nidal's hands holding mine as he cried a river. Then I passed out.There was hardly any light in the room when I opened my eyes slowly. The first thing I saw was Nidal right by my side. His eyes were red and swollen. He looked down at me with the saddest expression on his face. The tears started again as he sobbed like a child. He brought my hand to his lips and cried his heart out. That could only mean one thing. My baby did not make it. I tried speaking, but no words came out of my mouth. I was frozen.Then tears welled up in my eyes, but that was about it. My tears dried up quickly. I lay there staring up at Nidal hopeless. I slowly pulled my hand away from his grip. Nidal stood still. He had noticed my withdrawal. Alarmed, he pulled my hand back in his. At this moment, I felt numb. I blamed Nidal for everything. It was his fault! He was the one who did this to me. He was the one who allowed that bitch to act as if she had a hold on him. He was the one that got her pregnant, and because of him, I lost my baby. I felt empty, like my world had come crumbling down and shattered everything that mattered to me. I felt all alone, like I had no one I could trust anymore.I stared coldly at Nidal and said in a clipped tone, "leave this room.""No Loula, I am not leaving you." He said softly.But when I looked at him with cold eyes he cringed and took a step backward. His eyes pleaded for me to understand that he loved me. But my eyes pleaded for him to leave me alone. I could not accept his apology at this time. I just wanted to be left alone. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, but he would not budge. Eventually, I slept from exhaustion.The next time I woke up, the sun had disappeared, and it was almost dark in the room. Sitting next to me was Nidal, and he was still holding on to my hand. He stood immediately when he saw I had awakened and told me how much he loved me. I ignored him and closed my eyes again, praying for sleep once again. I did not want to deal with Nidal now. I had nothing to say to him.The next couple of days, I was in and out of sleep. Nidal was always sitting next to me, waiting for me to wake up and speak to him. I refused. I was still not ready to say anything to him. My innocent, little baby was dead. Gone just like that. From one second to the next.When I opened my eyes on the third day, the sun was shining in the room, and Nidal was still sitting next to me, looking at me with sadness. "Please, Loula, talk to me. Allow me in your thoughts. Let me soothe your pain," he begged. "Please, I need you now. Don't shut me out," he cried.I looked at him, but the feelings I once felt were not there anymore. I did not want him to touch me. I did not want him around. I needed some alone time. "Nidal, please, let me be. I need to be alone right now. Please go. I'm in mourning. Don't you understand? My baby died!" I cried."Our baby died, Loula. He was mine too!" he said in a tortured voice. "Please, Loula, don't shut me out. I love you and need you so much now! Please talk to me," he pleaded.I looked at him, and I did not feel that he deserved anything from me now. "Please, leave me alone, Nidal," I said coldly.I looked around and saw that flowers-carnations, daisies, and roses of all colors of the rainbow-were filling the room. On the table next to the flowers were notes with get-well wishes. A lot of food was laid out: chicken, beef, potatoes, fruits, wine, and chocolates fit for royalty. I wasn't hungry, but it was nice to know that they cared enough to pamper me.I smiled at Nidal, and he smiled warmly back. But in that instant, I was reminded of my baby, and my smile quickly faded. Nidal noticed my reaction and took me in his arms. Then the tears started again. We both cried until our tears dried out. I had lost my zest for life.Nidal looked at me through his tears and said softly, "We have to bury him soon, Loula," he said as a sob tore from his throat. "We can't hold him for long. He is in a wooden box, and he needs to be buried immediately. Do you think you can handle it?"I knew it would be one of the hardest things I would probably have to do in my lifetime. The only reason I knew I would be able to handle it was because my baby needed to be laid to rest. So I agreed, and Nidal went hastily and gave the orders for the burial. When he came back, it was with a heavy heart that he announced the burial would take place in an hour.I wore a black gown and a veil to cover my head and face. When Nidal scooped me up in his arms and took me outside, way back behind the gardens where the cemetery was, everyone was already there, and they were all wearing black. This was the first royal grandchild, and everyone was mourning his death.Nidal had put a chair for me to sit on, and I sat on it and stared at the small box with my baby in it. It was placed next to the hole that was dug. I heard my cries. They were loud, heart-wrenching sobs that tore from my heart, made their way out of my mouth, and ripped through the air. It sounded like a tortured animal was wailing in pain. I heard the rest of the crowd cry too. The queen was the loudest. The king cried silently as his tears rolled down his cheek. And Nidal, he looked the worst of all. He had not shaved since our baby's death, and the black circles under his eyes were proof to all that he had not slept for days.I dropped to my knees and threw my body across the wooden box that my baby lay in. I let out a scream and cried my heart out. The crowd screamed with pain when they saw me do this, and Nidal dropped next to me and held me close to him. I cried, screamed, wailed, and prayed, and in the end, I went limp on the box. Nidal tried to pull me away from the box, but I held on to it for dear life. I talked to my baby and told him that I would always love him. I told him that I would be with him in heaven one day. I heard the crowd's cries as I said this. I pulled my hair, I pulled my clothes, and I pounded on the dirty ground. I turned and pounded on Nidal's chest, pleading for my baby's life, but nothing. No answer. It was finished. Done. He was gone forever.There was silence now. The crowd watched in tears as I said my peace. When I was drained of everything I had, Nidal lifted me in his arms and took me back to the palace. Behind me, I heard the people cry. I shut my eyes and prayed one more time for God to allow my baby into his kingdom and to watch over him until I was with him again.I was exhausted, and I held on to Nidal for dear life. My prince carried me inside the palace and walked down the hall to our chambers. The door was open, and he walked in and placed me on our bed. I lay my head down on the pillow and wept.The next day, I woke up and looked at Nidal. All these days, I was thinking only about myself and not once of Nidal. I knew he was hurting as well. I looked as his face. The beard made him look older in a way. I cuddled closer to him, and he awoke immediately and took me in his arms instantly. We kissed, touched, and cried. It was our way of comforting each other. It was therapeutic. I forgave him. It was the only way I knew to release my pain.The days came and went, and except for the three meals that the servants brought us, no one else bothered us. We just ate enough to live, and then we grieved together the loss of our child, a child who we never got the chance to name, hug, or raise. He was our firstborn, and he was gone to us forever.We had not talked about the incident on the day of the tragedy. We both avoided it like the plague. We knew that, if one word was said, it would be like opening a can of worms. So for now, we thought it best to stay silent. Neither one of us wanted to spoil the moment.Nothing lasts forever!
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