I walked to Nidal, and I saw a sign of relief on his beautiful face. He exhaled as he pulled me into his arms and squeezed me hard. His lips tasted of wine. I could feel his heart beat rapidly. I looked up into his face, and the look he gave me said only one thing. We both knew what we had to do next as we hurriedly walked up the pavement away from all the people and noise and headed toward the palace.
Nidal lifted me up sideways and half-walked, half-ran up the stairs as bystanders stood there watching us with disbelief. He ignored all the greetings from his people as we passed them by, and finally when we reached the top of the stairs to the palace, Nidal put me down and pulled me by the hand. The music seemed far away as we turned down the corridor and ran to our chamber. I was pulled into his arms and kissed so tenderly that I lost control of my senses.
The door flew open, and we entered our room. Nidal kicked the door shut. He threw me against the wall and kissed me with such passion. His hands were feeling my body up and down, reassuring himself that I still belonged to him. He moaned and groaned, and his passion leeched out, so violent and passionate, that I lost control as I was swept in this circle of lust with him.
With trembling hands, he unbuttoned my gown. As it fell to the floor, he was surprised to see that I wore no undergarments. I was stark naked. Nidal went crazy. He moaned as he pushed me hard against the wall, and at that moment, he lost all reason with reality. I could not keep up with him anymore. I was in total submission in his arms. All this passion inside me awakened and threatened to explode into a thousand pieces. I took control of myself and grabbed his pantaloons with trembling fingers, feeling for the string. I pulled it, and it fell to the floor. I reached in his underpants and felt his shaft, huge and hot. I was ready for what was about to come next. At that moment, Nidal froze, grabbed my hand, and pushed it away from him.
With pleading in his eyes, he whispered painfully, "Don't."
I felt as if a ton of bricks had come crashing down on me. Nidal pulled back with a hurt look on his face. I was stunned. My chest felt tight. My hands were still trembling, and my lips still felt bruised from his lovemaking as I repeated his words that echoed from my lips.
"Don't? Don't what?"
His words baffled me. I looked up at him, questioning his behavior. He sat there helpless like a lovesick puppy, just looking at me with pleading eyes to understand what he was feeling. I could not-did not-understand. He looked tortured. This man sucks the very life out of me.
There was silence as I waited. He could not speak. He tried a few times and stopped. It was difficult for him to express himself at this very moment. He closed his eyes and squeezed them tightly. Minutes went by in utter silence, and then his eyes opened. He had that look again, the one that looked deep into my soul. His eyes watered up. I braced myself. I thought I knew what he was about to say, but my thoughts had been going a little crazy. I was standing here right in front of a man with no clothes on, a man with a hard-on that doesn't ever go away. I tried to take my eyes off it and look up into his face. He still had the same facial expression, a mixture of love and pain.
By this time, I was feeling cold standing naked, leaning against the stone wall, and waiting for Nidal to decide what he wanted to say.
Finally, he spoke, "Are you cold?"
I could tell he was concerned. I shook my head in answer, and he put both his hands on the wall, locking me in the middle. He was so tall.
He leaned his head closer to me and whispered softly, "I need to know the truth." Then he came a little closer, near enough that I could feel his warm breath on my face. "I need to know if you feel the same for me as I feel for you. It is very important to me to know the truth, Loula." He whispered in a soft voice, "I want to make love to you only if you feel the same way as I do. If you do not feel the same way, then I prefer to wait until you do." He spoke in a tortured voice.
He looked incredibly sexy at this very moment. It was hard for me to concentrate. How could he think I feel anything less than he does? I am totally and crazy in love with him.
"Loula," he said, frustrated now. "Tell me the truth," he whispered hoarsely. He put both his hands on my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "I can't live this way. I need to know now," he said in a tortured voice as he waited again for my answer.
I looked into his eyes and felt the pain there. I knew that, no matter what I said to him, it would not be enough. He was totally insecure. So where do I start? What do I say?
"Nidal," I said softly. I looked at him tenderly as he waited for my response. I could tell he was getting nervous. Is he afraid of my answer?
