Chapter ElevenLoulaA week later, I regained my strength, and my appetite came back. I ate enough food to last a lifetime. Nidal laughed at me saying that, if I kept this up, the palace would be an economic failure from all the money spent to feed me. His laughter sounded good, like music to my ears.I don't really know how everything started. We were simply talking about how I needed to lose a few pounds I had gained during the pregnancy, but that really hit a chord. I started to think of my baby, and the tears started. Nidal raced to my side to comfort me, and then one thing led to another. I realized that, all this time, Nidal was trying to run from the truth. He did not want to assume responsibility for all the heartache he had caused. It was all Nidal's fault, and he knew it. The realization of what he was doing hit me like a ton of bricks.Nidal noticed my mood change and froze. He knew I was about to start a fight, a fight I was going to win. He quietly waited for the inevitable. I was getting ready for the biggest fight of my life.And so it started."Why did you go to Shaeena's palace seven months ago? Why did you spend three nights there? I asked angrily.Nidal looked defeated. He said not one word. His beautiful blue eyes were clouded with tears. He said nothing.That made me even angrier. "Why is our baby dead Nidal, but Shaeena's baby lives safely in her womb!" I yell.Silence is golden an old wise man once told me. I looked him in the eyes, and in a cold and dangerous tone I asked, "Does she carry your child Nidal?"Nidal pulled me in his arms and passionately whispered, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You are my life, the very reason I exist! I would never hurt you intentionally, Loula," he moaned.I knew he meant what he said, but I needed to hear more. The princess was claiming Nidal as the father of her baby. I needed to know the truth. I pulled away from Nidal and motioned for him to sit in the chair by the window as I pulled the other chair close to his and sat down."Nidal, I need to know why you went running to Shaeena's palace on the night of our disagreement." I patiently waited for his reply.Nidal sighed and stared at me without replying. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought, so I moved on to the next question. "Nidal, you stayed three days and three nights in Shaeena's palace! What did you do there? Where did you sleep?" I asked in a dangerous tone, getting tired of playing the waiting game. But Nidal continued with his silence.Aggravated now, I raised my voice just a notch. "Tell me then, Nidal. Do you plead innocent?" I waited in silence for his reply, but again, he did not say a single word.He kept silent. I could tell he was trying to think his way out of answering me. This angered me even more. "Nidal, if you do not talk now, I will automatically assume you are guilty! I have given you many chances to respond, but you just refuse to share your thoughts with me!" I said a little louder now. I was losing my patience, and he knew it.Nidal fell down to his knees in front of me and took my hands in his. He looked up at me, and I could see the tears starting to well up in his eyes. "Loula," he whispered hoarsely, "I am not able to tell you what happened when I stayed at Shaeena's palace because I do not remember. The whole three days are a blur to me! I barely remember anything at all!" he said. "Please believe me, Loula. I love you and would never deliberately do anything to hurt you," he cried fervently.A typical man, I thought. Never wants to admit to fault! Or take responsibility for his actions!"Tell me, Nidal. Is there anything you do claim responsibility for?" I asked sarcastically, anxious to hear his reply, but it seemed the cat got his tongue.The silence was unbearable. He was trying to figure out what to say to get him out of the trouble he knew he was in. "Please, Loula," Nidal begged. "I honestly do not remember anything! You must believe me! I'm telling you the truth!" he cried.I pulled my hands out of his grip, stood abruptly, walked to the middle of the room, and gave Nidal a menacing look. Nidal stopped breathing and braced himself for my outburst that he was sure would follow. And it did. I was crazy out of my mind. He was holding back the truth. He was hiding something from me. He was guilty. I just knew it."You went to Shaeena! You slept in her bed. Just as she told me! And now she is pregnant with your child! Our child is dead! Dead, Nidal!" I screamed. "Our child is dead!" A sob tore from my throat.Nidal raced to my side and took me in his arms, and he tried to comfort me, apologizing and crying with me for the loss of our child. "Please, Loula, forgive me. I too am suffering in my heart for our child. He was my son too, Loula, and I loved him just as much as you did! I died a million deaths when our son died! I will never get over it, just like you never will. We need to come together and comfort each other; otherwise, we will destroy our love if we suffer separately. Please, Loula, try to understand what I am telling you." He tried desperately to convince me, but I was getting sick and tired of hearing about his feelings. He was the one who did all of this. Everything was his fault.I pushed him away from me, but Nidal grabbed me again in his arms and held on tight. I tried to break free from his embrace, but he was stronger than I was. Defeated, I stopped trying and just went limp in his arms. His strong arms lifted me while he whispered words of endearment and placed me gently on the bed. He sat next to me and cradled me in his arms, and I cried myself to sleep.A few hours later, I awoke to find Nidal's head resting on my stomach, and his hands were around my waist. I loved this man so much, but he had done me wrong, and he needed to acknowledge his mistakes. I ran my fingers lightly through his hair, and I caressed his cheek. I was madly in love with him. He was my whole world, but I was still angry. I knew if we did not resolve it quickly, it would turn into something really ugly.The sun had gone down, and night settled. I sent the servants away when they came in with our dinner. I had lost my appetite, and I was sure Nidal would not eat anything either. Nidal still slept. I wish I could sleep so peacefully, but I could not. We ignored Shaeena's accusations for too long. We needed to get to the bottom of this. We could not just sweep it under the carpet and expect it to go away. It was there, and I was determined to get the truth out of Nidal, even if it meant that the truth would kill our love.I thought back to the last time we had made love. It was powerful. We fit perfectly together. Like the ying and the yang. We belonged only to each other. No matter what, no matter where we are, our hearts are united in such a way that, with just a simple thought, it will reach the other across oceans and even mountains. Nothing could keep us apart. Eventually, we will find our way back to each other. I am sure of it.Sadly, I was also sure of something else. If Nidal had somehow fathered Shaeena's baby, our relationship did not stand a chance. But in the end, I knew we would find each other again, with a love as strong as ours, but there would be suffering in between. The thought of Nidal with another woman ate at my heart little by little, and now my heart was bleeding. I would not stop until I found out the truth. Sooner or later, Nidal would spill the beans. I would find a way to make it happen.
