Chapter Nine
Loula
A full week had passed since Nidal's departure, and this morning would be the day the king and Billal, with the rest of the soldiers who were left behind, would ride out to meet up with Nidal and his army. My heart was pounding as I dressed quickly and raced out of the bedroom. I had to see Billal before he left. I did not want him to leave without a proper good-bye.Billal saw me run to him. Smiling, he opened his arms, and I fell into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around me. Everyone watched, including the king and queen. Only the queen understood my actions. The others just stood there openmouthed. But I did not care. Billal and I shared a special friendship. I wanted him to go in peace and return to me healthy and happy. It would be hard for me to step aside and watch him go. He was the second man that I cared about who was leaving for war. I was afraid for his life. I did not know if he would return to me, so I wanted him to go to war peacefully with a clean mind. It would be safer that way. So I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a good-bye kiss. Surprised, Billal took this opportunity and kissed me back passionately, as all the onlookers watched with amusement.The king rode away and led his men who followed him toward the war. Billal turned and waved wholeheartedly to us. I waved back with tears in my eyes, not knowing if I would ever see him again. After all, they were going to war. When they disappeared from our view, I looked at the queen and noticed she was staring at me. I tensed. She witnessed everything, and I hoped she did not get the wrong idea.She smiled at me. "Well, that was very noble of you, sending a man to war with a lot of unspoken promises. It is a good way to bring him home safely. If he has something to look forward to, chances are, he will come running home when all this is over." She smiled. "But tell me, my dear. What will you tell him when he does come home?" She arched her eyebrow while she waited patiently for me to reply."I just want him to have a clear head when he is fighting. I want him to come back to us. He is a fine man, and if he went to fight with a cloudy mind, then it would be very dangerous for him. I'm sorry if I was misunderstood. I am sorry if you are displeased with my actions. But I meant well." I hoped she believed me.The queen smiled at me. "I know exactly what you were doing my dear, and I would have done exactly the same thing if I were you. I know your heart was in the right place," she assured me. She gave me a warm hug, and together we walked into the palace for brunch.We ate in silence. Neither one of us was very hungry. We nibbled our food and drank our tea, and when we finished, the queen asked if I would like to accompany her to the rose garden. I politely declined faking a headache and asked to be excused. When I reached my room, I ran inside, tore my clothes off, put on my nightgown, and slipped into bed. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon, I was sleepy. Not having had any real sleep for days, the fatigue finally caught up with me, and I fell asleep instantly.***As the days flew by, the queen and I started to worry for our men at war. We did not get any letters stating their whereabouts. It was nearly a month since they had left, and still not one word of their journey had reached us. Every night I went to bed, I cried myself to sleep.Every day, the queen and I took our meals together. We pretended all was fine as we chatted about things we did not even care about just to take our minds off the war. Every morning and every night, together the queen and I prayed for the well-being of our men and for peace. We wiped away each other's tears and comforted each other during the really bad days that we felt scared.One afternoon, I was walking with the queen to the tearoom, and I felt a little light-headed. I placed my hand on the stone wall for support, but I could not hold myself up. The room was spinning, and I fainted. Next thing I knew, I was in my bed with a hovering queen mother above me. She looked concerned as she sat on my bed, not saying a word. Someone had placed a wet cloth on my forehead."What happened?" I asked, worried, trying to find answers in the queen's eyes. She simply smiled. "Nothing, my dear. You will be fine. You fainted. That's all." Again, that smile on her face was there.I looked at her suspiciously. I knew she was hiding something from me. "Your Majesty," I croaked, "is there something you are not telling me? A secret perhaps that you should be sharing with me?"The queen wiped the smile off her face and sighed. She pushed my hair strands away from my face and asked softly, "I have noticed that you scarcely touch your meals and you nap many times throughout the day. Loula dear, have you fainted any other time before today?" she asked sweetly, eagerly waiting for my reply.I needed time to process her questions before I answered her. I had never given it any thought. But now that the queen had brought it to my attention, I did remember feeling dizzy a few times. There were days that I threw up, and I just forgot to mention it to her. My eyes widened in realization. I looked at the queen, and she smiled at me from ear to ear. Oh my Lord! Could I be pregnant?I tried to get out of bed, but the queen gently pushed me back down. "Now, now, child, lie still. You need your rest. It is my grandchild you may be carrying, and I will not have you bouncing about the palace," she chimed happily.I placed my hand on my belly, still unable to comprehend the realization that I could be pregnant. Could it be true? Could I be pregnant with Nidal's child? I was overwhelmed with happiness. Happy tears rolled down my cheeks, and it must have been contagious. The queen was crying too. She bent down and gave me a warm hug."Congratulations," she said excitedly."Your Majesty," I said, wide-eyed, "don't you think that it's premature to congratulate me now? I have not gotten a confirmation yet from the doctor." The possibility of being pregnant with my lover's child already excited me."Loula, call me Mother, please, from now on," she said sweetly. "I know enough about pregnancy to know when someone is with child. I don't need a doctor to tell me something I already know!" she said proudly. "But that doesn't mean that I will not call for a doctor. As a matter of fact, he is on his way as we speak." She took the wet cloth off my forehead and gave it to the servant to refresh it.The doctor came right after that and asked a thousand questions. Finally, he confirmed the pregnancy. I was overjoyed. It was one of the happiest days of my life. My hand automatically went back to my stomach, and I cried a river of happy tears. The doctor told the queen that I needed lots of rest. The queen assured him that she would make sure of that, and they walked out of the room, closing the door behind them. I could hear their voices echoing throughout the halls as they walked away until finally it was quiet.That was when I allowed myself the luxury of crying my heart out. They were happy tears. I laughed and cried at the same time. Nidal's baby! I was pregnant with his child. I desperately wanted to share the news with him. I wanted to feel his arms around my stomach. I wanted him to feel the love I already felt for this love child. I cried out his name as the tears flowed down my face.The proud grandma-to-be pampered me, saying it was her duty to see to it that I was comfortable while I carried her grandchild in my womb. She personally fed me, clothed me, and held my hand as we walked outdoors to the gardens. She was so attentive, and it was a delight to be around her. Every chance she got, the queen placed her hand on my stomach and sang lullabies. She had the finest seamstress in the country come to the palace and design maternity clothes for me, and she even ordered some designed clothing for the baby. I was so happy.
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