𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜... | ᴍᴀᴛᴛʜᴇᴏ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ |

7.

7. anxiety
• • •

ZARA APPROACHED ME WITH a large smile on her face, proud of her little skit. "Why are you skipping exactly?" She asked, sitting down next to me. I was under the large tree by the lake, one of my favourite places.

"I slept in, and I don't want to face anybody in that class right now. Mostly the boy sitting behind me," I muttered with a blush forming on my face.

"Ooh, this sounds good. Please give me the tea," Z laughed. I told her about Conan, saying how we had kissed. "You guys just met and you guys are already exchanging saliva?" she snorted.

"Shut up," I flushed. "He's cute. I'm kind of freaking out though. I've never actually been in a relationship, and ever since what happened with Pandora, I'm kind of scared," I said, letting it off my chest.

"Listen, just because you kissed doesn't mean you're dating. You're in the talking stage right now. You can always friend zone him," she offered. We laughed a bit. "No, but seriously. You don't need to date if you don't want to. You can always have some trials like going on some little dates."

"Like studying?" I asked.

"Yes, that's a good start. Or you can have lunch together. Just little things like that. If you get the ick then you know it's not the right thing."

"What the fuck is the ick?"

"Oh god, you're uneducated," Zara laughed. "The ick is when you feel... kind of gross? It's kind of a gut feeling," she explained. I bit my nails, anxious. I wasn't good at this.

"I've never done 'gut feeling'. I suck at it," I whispered.

"Just look for signs that you think aren't something your looking for," she said.

"But I don't know what I'm looking for."

"You're making this impossible," Zara laughed. "If you're stuck, just date me." She checked her phone. "Come on, let's go to class." I was so happy that we had at least one class together, and it was the easiest one yet; Care of Magical Creatures. We walked to the edge of the forest, waiting for the rest of the class to arrive. "Tell me about Tanya," Z said, trying to distract me from biting my nails.

"She only watched one musical before last night. And it was 'Cats'." Zara made a face, making me laugh. "She's so sweet though, which is another reason why I'm not sure about Conan. But she doesn't know about my sexuality, we only just met and I don't want to ruin anything." I started biting my nails again, making Z smack my hand. "Hey," I huffed.

"You know it's not good for you."

"It's either that or drugs," I argued. "It's stressful, being bi. There are so many options and it's making me confused," I sighed helplessly.

"I can only imagine. I'm here for you, and so is your sister."

"You two are the only ones who know," I whispered. Even though I loved my father, I was scared to tell him. My mother didn't care enough, she didn't even listen when I told her. That night I realized that maybe it was better to keep it a secret.

• • •

I was silent at lunch. Defence Against the Dark Arts was next, with Conan. I was scared. "Snow." My head shot up. "Holy shit, you look pale," Riddle commented but I was too distracted so I let it slide. "Damn, something must be really wrong. No snappy comeback?"

"Shut up, Riddle," I mumbled.

"There she is," he laughed.

"I'm going to bash your head into a wall of you dat another word," I threatened, picking up my goblet of pumpkin juice. Riddle opened his mouth once again and I slammed the cup down, making my friends stare at me with wide eyes. I stood up, trying to find my sister but she was nowhere to be found. I rushed out the Great Hall, finding a quiet place, texting her.