𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜... | ᴍᴀᴛᴛʜᴇᴏ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ |

33.

33. irresistible
• • •

"What?" I gaped, wishing he would break eye contact and say it was all a joke.

"I said you're irritating, and irresponsible, and so. Fucking. Irresistible," he repeated, much slower and louder this time. I was stunned, rooted in place. "How did you not realize?"

"Well-well maybe it was because you were making out with another girl?" I offered, voice faltering and going through all the octaves.

"Edith-" I shook my head, waving my hand as if he was an annoying fly. My brain wasn't processing anything. It's a dream. It's a dream. It's probably a dream. It has to be a dream. It's definitely a dream. A very weird dream. Must be. "Are you okay?"

"You have bad fucking timing," I mumbled, wanting to slap myself across the face.

"When was I supposed to tell you? I wanted to give you space when all the shit went down, but when you started ignoring me, it felt like a stab to the heart." Why now? Why not in a year or two? "I was tired of seeing you beat yourself up over what a boy did. He's gone now, he can't hurt you."

"It's going to take a lot of time for me to fully recover, if I ever."

"And I'm waiting. I will be waiting. I won't be ignored though, I can't be. You know how fucking bad it feels whenever you and Van are all handsy? It's painful to watch, it looks like you're together-"

"We're not," I insisted.

"Then what are you? Friends with benefits." I clamped my mouth shut, not wanting to answer. "I fucking knew it. What was I thinking?" Riddle took steps back, pacing around my dorm as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. I couldn't tell if he was nervous or angry. "How long? Don't play dumb with me."

"Since the summer," I whispered.

"Hold up. You're telling me that you two have been fucking, even when you had been 'with' Warren?" I flinched. I didn't need to be reminded of the hoe I am- was? "Here I thought I knew everything when I actually have no idea what other secrets you have," he sighed wearily.

"You want to know my secrets?" I challenged, starting to count on my fingers. "My mother's a drunk, and my family can barely stay together in one piece, I basically drove my roommate out of her own dorm because it was just too awkward after I confessed that I liked her-"

"Woah, hold up, let's back it up. You like your roommate?"

"Liked. Past tense. And former roommate."

"That's not the point. If you like girls then why Van?" I rolled my eyes, stupid bitch.

"Not just girls."

"So I still have a shot?"

"Don't throw it away."

"What?" I glanced at the ground, anger slowly fading, replaced with awkwardness. I didn't mean it to sound like I wanted him. I spoke without thinking. I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about Hamilton. But did I want him to try? Did I want him? God, no... "Edith, I swear to god. If you like me back, just say it."

"It's just weird!" I burst. "We're supposed to hate each other!" I tried to reason, "you're supposed to hate me for no reason and I'm supposed to hate you for no reason. That's how it has been, that's how it should be."

"You want to be treated like shit?"

"Yes. No. Oh my lord, Mattheo-"

"You said my first name," he pointed out. "That has to mean something." Why was he so infuriating? He was like a little kid begging for attention. "I know I'm trying so hard but that's because I care. Why the fuck else would I give you a goddamn croissant? I want to see you. Every day."