His Meaning (Enmu x Douma)

2. You're so f*cking special

The moment that Enmu had looked at Douma had been the moment of his doom. The moment that his cyan eyes had met Douma's rainbow ones had been the moment that sealed Enmu's fate. And the moment that Douma had touched his soul had been the moment that had pulled him into never ending despair.

To be touched by an angel was a blessing, or so they said. But for Enmu, it was a curse. The seemingly heavenly essence of Douma's touch had infected him with the deadliest disease of them all.

Emotional addiction.

Whenever he saw his figure in school, Enmu felt himself being pulled towards the god-like presence. There was a dread in his heart; as if an uncuttable thread had bound him to Douma. But at the same time, there was an unbreakable wall between them. Because Enmu was still aware of what he was, and of what Douma was.

Enmu worshipped Douma. There were no flaws in his divine being; the way he walked, talked, thought and acted was absolutely perfect. Enmu couldn't understand how so many people could find him annoying or off-putting. Douma was so charismatic, intelligent, handsome, funny, thoughtful... he was so everything. And Enmu could never get enough of him.

It was absurd that before, he had found Douma extremely annoying and offputting as well. But that day at the ice skating arena had turned Enmu into a completely different person. The usually numb and indifferent boy was suddenly feeling things. He was warm and emotionally at his limit at the same time. He felt so much, both positive and negative emotions, and it was all only for Douma.

Even though he liked to deny it, Enmu was well aware of what was happening to him. He had a huge crush on Douma.

This wasn't new to him. He had crushed on people before, most of them having been boys. Muzan was a great example for that. However, his feelings had never been this intense and allrounding. But Douma was different from all of the other people. He was special. Therefore, Enmu's feelings were no surprise.

Enmu had always been a distant crusher. Whenever a person spiked his interest, he started stalking them, secretly obsessing over them and simply admiring them from a distance. Never in the world would he think about approaching them and trying to catch their attention as well. Most of the time, people didn't even know that Enmu existed, and he was fine with that.

But Douma knew that Enmu existed. They had been alone together; ice skating while holding each other as if they were lovers. Enmu could never forget that.

And here was the thing that made this experience different from all of Enmu's previous ones: Douma couldn't forget it either.

Every time they walked past each other in school, Douma greeted Enmu. He greeted him, and sometimes even followed him, or asked him to join him and his friends. It was such an unusual occurrence to Enmu that he really didn't know how to handle it.

And every time the other approached him, Enmu quickly ran away. Because no matter how much he loved Douma, he also despised him. He was the reason for Enmu's greatest suffering.

Enmu didn't want to give himself false hope. He was already suffering enough because he needed Douma, but knew that he couldn't have him. If he started thinking that Douma could actually want him as well, he would fall much deeper and get even more hurt.

Because... There was no way that Douma could actually like him.

None of Enmu's crushes had ever liked him back, it was normal. And living in his small, indifferent and isolated bubble had made it easy to deal with that; Enmu had become content with himself and his creep nature. But Douma had changed everything; because of him, Enmu felt worthless and vulnerable again. Because he knew that Douma could never love him.