His Meaning (Enmu x Douma)

6. I wish I was special

Enmu was in a state of pure and absolute panic. Douma was coming to his house.

He had left the party wordlessly in an attempt to escape, in an attempt to disappear.

But despite this very desperate attempt, Douma had not forgotten about him...

How!? Why!?

Seriously thinking that Douma was going to forget him, Enmu had not been prepared for this.

Why couldn't Douma just have forgotten about him!? The party was full of entertainment, why couldn't he have just given in to it!?

It would have made everything so perfect, Enmu could have just gone to sleep and forgotten about this horrible party, his feelings for Douma and his worthlessness.

But of course, things like these never went Enmu's way. That was just his bad luck speaking. Life just loved to torture him, but he had honestly gotten used to it by now.

On the other hand, Enmu was incredibly touched. Douma had remembered his meeting with him, Enmu, an unworthy creature. A part of him wanted to giggle like a young girl due to the feeling of importance that he had now. Douma thought about him... it felt too good to be true.

But he would never let those feelings take over. They'd make him vulnerable to disappointment and usage, and he wasn't that pathetic. Plus, they were wrong. He wasn't allowed to feel this way towards Douma, it was pointless and unjustified.

So now, he was more panicked than excited, because Douma was coming to his house, to the place that he lived in every day, his most intimate little corner, and they were going to be alone together. It was a scary thought. And Enmu was absolutely unprepared.

He didn't particularly live alone. Enmu was an only child, yes, but he did have parents. His relationship with them was rather... distant though. And as the years had gone by, they had started coming home less and less often. His dad going on business trips, his mom disappearing for unknown reasons.

Enmu didn't really mind though. He was independent enough, and he liked to have his house as his own little realm. The problem was more when his parents actually did come home...

Back in his childhood, Enmu had always been just there. Neither a blessing to his parents, nor a curse. Merely a witness to everything. A silent observer.

He was well aware that his parents didn't love each other. Their marriage was nothing more than a contract, that promised to be beneficial for both of them. But at this point, it was more of a burden that they secretly both longed to get rid of, but never bothered to do, due to the massive effort and admittance that would have taken.

And Enmu was simply that one joint that bound them together. That kept them from leaving completely. It was no secret that they wished that he didn't exist.

Dismissing the thought of his parents, Enmu took a deep inhale, transporting himself into the present again. He still had to do some stuff around the house, clean a few things up and prepare his geography materials. And even though this had all come so unexpectedly, there was no way to stop it now. He had to mentally and physically ready himself for the fate approaching.

But before Enmu had even started looking for his geography materials (he had just barely finished cleaning his room a bit, not being able to do it properly due to constantly losing focus), when he heard the doorbell ring. He jumped at the sound. No... He was not ready...

Quietly, with evident hesitance in all his movements, Enmu stumbled down the painfully long way to the entrance door. When he finally reached it, he felt odd tiredness wash over him. Why was he even doing this...