His Meaning (Enmu x Douma)

7. What the hell am I doing here?

Douma was screaming mentally. He hadn't actually expected Enmu to agree to sleep on his shoulder. But now, it was the case… On the inside, Douma was giggling like a young girl. Being so close to Enmu was like a dream come true to him, and he wanted to cherish every moment of it.

The situation was causing him to have difficulties with concentrating on the presentation, but to Douma, that was another bonus since that meant it would take him longer to finish it and he would get more time with Enmu sleeping on him.

It was all too perfect… When Douma had suggested that he and Enmu should meet up back at the geography lesson, he hadn't expected this. They were completely alone, apparently, and if Douma's luck continued being on his side, he might even be getting the opportunity to get to know a more personal side of Enmu after they'd finish dealing with the presentation.

Not to say that he didn't like what he had seen of him so far, but… To Douma, it seemed like Enmu was in a constant state of tension. He just wanted him to relax a bit and enjoy their time together as much as Douma was enjoying it, which was exactly why he had suggested for Enmu to rest. The younger male's tensedness made Douma feel nervous as well, and even though he wasn't showing it, he was constantly questioning himself.

Was it because of him?? That would have made sense, since Enmu had already been acting incredibly awkward around Douma during their first meeting in the ice skating arena. Did Enmu simply not like him? Or… Could he feel his emptiness?? Oh, how Douma prayed that this was not the case. He loved being with Enmu because he made him forget how meaningless and empty his life was, but what if the other had known his secret all along???

On the other hand, there were moments when Douma felt like Enmu just had a huge crush on him, like a lot of people did. The way he blushed when being close to Douma said it all, and his flustered reactions to Douma's horrible flirting attempts were undeniable as well. But still, after all those moments Enmu went back to being aloof and emo.

It confused Douma so much. He couldn't read Enmu at all, and it made him feel so incredibly helpless… But it was okay. If he could be close to Enmu, it was okay. And he didn't mind doing the majority of the presentation, if he was doing it for Enmu.

Motivated by the thought of being able to spend some alone time with him, Douma had finished his research in no time being. Normally, he was a fast but incredibly lazy learner. His dream of Enmu had simply blown all his laziness away, and replaced it with will. A will that he had never had, a foreign feeling.

Yes, feelings. Being here with Enmu caused Douma to feel so many new things, like happiness, but also nervousness, confusion, and insecurity. But he didn't mind those not so pleasant feelings; he chased the thrill of them. It was absolutely incredible, and he couldn't get enough of it.

And so, Douma continued working on the presentation; careful to not wake Enmu up through a sudden movement. But no matter what he did, Enmu didn't even move an inch – only his steady breathing signaling that he was even alive. Well, apparently, he was quite the deep sleeper.

Douma chuckled. Oh god, he was so beautiful… To have his pretty face this close to his own sent butterflies through Douma's stomach. He mustered his features, and really had to resist the urge to kiss him. Oh, how wonderful that would feel… But he knew he couldn't do that. It would have been unfair to take advantage of Enmu like that, and Douma didn't want to kiss him without his consent.

When he looked at Enmu now, he seemed so innocent… So… at peace. There was no hint of the sad expression that was usually seen on his face. It was a deep, indefinable sadness, rooted inside his core being, and something that Douma could not yet comprehend. But he knew that he wanted to solve this mystery, and he wanted to heal the sadness in Enmu's heart, even if only a little bit.