His Meaning (Enmu x Douma)

8. I don't belong here

Enmu couldn't breathe.

Douma was kissing him.

It wasn't possible.

He was completely overwhelmed. His brain wasn't functioning, his face was frozen. He couldn't move. All of his senses were incredibly overstimulated, and it felt as if his heart and his brain had switched places.

He couldn't move at all, neither could he feel. The only thing he could do was sit there silently while Douma kissed him, his mind completely blank.

He couldn't enjoy it. Neither could he dread it, and push Douma away. So he just let it happen. It didn't change anything. Just concentrated all of the mess in Enmu's mind in one point.

Douma's lips felt so foreign on his own ones. They were cold and hot at the same time; it shot weird sensations through Enmu's body, but he couldn't grasp them at all.

It was so weird. He had never been kissed before, but this… was not how he had expected his first kiss to feel like. It didn't exactly feel… wrong, but it didn't feel right either. It was all too much.

After a few moments, Douma finally broke apart. He looked at Enmu, still holding his face with both hands, his eyes full of emotion.

Enmu felt so disoriented. It was as if nothing about this scene was real, and it wasn't him who was being held by Douma, but a poor copy of his soul.

'W… What… the hell…', were the first words that escaped Enmu's mouth, and once again it felt as if a stranger had spoken them, because he had not decided to open his mouth.

'We just kissed!', Douma exclaimed. His eyes were sparkly, and his cheeks had gained a red tint. 'We just kissed, Enmu! Isn't that wonderful!?'

He sounded so happy, happy like Enmu had never seen him before, and like he had just discovered that unicorns were real.

Enmu shook his head. He couldn't say anything, he was so confused. This whole situation felt so surreal; like a dream but not quite. A reality that wasn't real, a trance that Enmu could wake up from any moment. But he couldn't. He couldn't think, he couldn't feel, he couldn't act. His mind was completely empty.

Finally, Douma seemed to awake from his euphoria; Enmu's empty reaction had brought him back to reality. He looked directly at Enmu, now doubts had mixed with the newly found emotions in his eyes.

'Did you… Did you not like it?', he asked Enmu with concern.

The other didn't understand the question. Like? What did that mean? There were suddenly so many feelings in Douma's eyes, and Enmu could see them all. Now, he understood why Douma's eyes had been such a mystery to him before. They had been empty.

But they were filled now. Overflowing, even. Looking into Douma's eyes now was more confusing and overwhelming than ever. But he couldn't stop… They were so beautiful. If he had been scared to fall into them before, now, it was too late. He was already far too deep in.

The more Enmu looked into Douma's eyes, the more he forgot about his surroundings. Closer, and closer… Deeper, and deeper down the hole. He was caught inside them. And he couldn't stop.

He was in love.

Enmu kissed Douma.

He had not intended to do that, but his body hadn't listened. And now, he couldn't stop. Douma flinched in surprise at first, but kissed him back immediately and pulled him close.

And then, suddenly, all of Enmu's thoughts and feelings returned. And he remembered who and where he was, and what he was doing.

He was kissing Douma.