This is Fire

2 MONTHS OF DISCOVERY OR ROUTINE (15)

MAYA POV
It's been a crazy two months since Mason was sent to prison. It started a whole mental game with myself, I started to feel guilty that I could have fought for him to stay out of prison but with the help of Carina, I started to get rid of those emotions for the most part. Captain Pruitt has been stricter with us and doesn't seem to be talking to Andy or Jack, probably because they're sleeping together which isn't much of a secret. I've been taking more aid car shifts which is almost unexplainable to everyone around me, I just want to feel safe. It almost feels like I'm afraid of fire like I'm finally understanding the risks. Sure, fire burns and smoke inhalation will hurt you, but that's what challenges you to move faster. Prior to this, I don't think I've ever realised how scary it can be getting stuck in a fire. Sweaty dreams are filled with the concept, stuck in a small room surrounded by fire and thick smoke has become a regular occurrence.

Carina has become a stable part of my life, officially taking over every part of my life and I've been trying to be okay with it all. Just like in my dreams, it currently feels like the world is on fire. My world is on fire.

Since Mason was sentenced, I haven't seen him, and I can understand why. He wanted my help and I let him down. He's led me on a trip of self-discovery, littered pictures of memories and surfaces filled with medals or trophies have taken over the apartment. Each accolade or memory has built a timeline of abuse, abuse that was so sown into my skin and behaviour, that it took nearly 25 years to recognise it. I want to apologise to Mason, but how exactly can I do that?

MASON POV

2 months in this grey hell or heaven. Prison seemed daunting but my block is filled with people I used to know, either from the system or homelessness. I have a family here and I'm comfortable. Sure, there's drama around every corner and there's always someone with a black eye. But three meals a day, plenty of reading time and a good sleeping schedule is doing me good.

I haven't asked Maya to come here yet, I need space after what happened. I don't blame her for not recognising her abuse, it's hard to recognise trauma. Especially trauma that was once a part of each celebration. I know Maya has guilt about me being here, but she really doesn't need to. The only stress I have about the outside world, is whether I will have a job. In here, I've been put on a specialist drug-free block and there really isn't any drugs here. It's honestly amazing.

Today is the same as yesterday, breakfast at 8am, lunch at 12, and dinner at 8pm. We have some rec time in between each meal, the morning is always outside, and the afternoon is always inside. It rotates every week, just like the few TV channels we have. The outside rec time isn't my favourite time, but it does give me the inspiration to put into writing; my new artform. Words are harder than visual art!

"Bishop, you've got a letter" one of the guards shouts from the level below me. I've just been granted the privilege of getting letters, affording things from the commissary. It's a big time for me! Grabbing the letter, I head back to my cell to read it.

Mason,

I don't really know how to write this letter. There's not a google layout for this sort of thing, you know being the reason you went to prison because I was blind. But I'm not blind anymore. I'm sorry I wasn't there and didn't recognise it all, now that I see it, I am amazed that I didn't before. I wish I could have protected you more.

Carina gave me some words when we left that court, she simply said that I should explore my past and understand that your experiences could be different despite us sharing the same memories. It's something I never thought about, it's plagued my brain since. I haven't seen dad (I don't even know if he deserves that title anymore), I've been seeing mom a lot which has been weird. Another thing which is weird, I've been fully on aid car for a whole month. I think my brain has finally realised that fire and smoke isn't the safest thing to be around... who knew??