Confusion (Tom Kaulitz)

Got Me Fucked Up

       My screams and hits didn't seemed to affect Tom. His eyes were fixated on the road and his face expressed no emotions. I thought he would hit me or shout at me but no,he acted like I wasn't there.

I started to calm down but I felt so sick,so sick of this man sitting next to me. Minutes past by and the silence was more awkward then ever. I needed him to say something,to comfort me or to say that it was just a very sick and bad dream but no,I know it wasn't a dream.

"How can you do something like that Tom? How? And what am I to you? A toy to play on whenever you want? You enchanted me with you charm and gentle touch then you change into a demon?" For this big sentence line I needed to collect a lot of strenght. As I said this he turned his head in my direction and now his eyes were softer,my words affected him. He looked at me concern in his honey eyes and he pursed his lips together.

"Luna I-" he tried to say something but I quickly interrupted him.

"No! I don't want to hear anything!" I said now looking away from him. He started to speed but I didn't even cared. The speed was insane but I couldn't care less I just stared ahead of me not interested in Tom.

In only some minutes we were already at the mansion and he pulled the car into the garage. As the car stopped I instantly got out and walked into the house.

I pulled out a pack of cigs and a bottle of vodka. I walked to the table and sat down in front of me a lighter and an ashtray. I never smoked but this was too fucking much. He got me fucked up. I pulled out a cig and put it between my lips,reached for the lighter and lighted the cig. I inhaled the smoke and almost coughed but I forced back the smoke into me. I exhaled and the smoke left my lips. I reached for the vodka and started sipping it like water. I didn't wanted to fuck myself up more then I was but I needed to drown my feelings,my self pity and sorrow out of me. If only for some hours but at least I didn't need to think about what happened in the past two days.

The vodka was only half full and my cheeks were hot,my body was on fire and my head was spinning. My vision was blurry and I chuckled to myself like an idiot. I was so drunk and the pack of cigs was running out.

"You stupid bitch." I said to myself. "Why did you moved here? You were so happy back home with Mario." Tears started forming in my eyes but I couldn't stop laughing. It was like I was out of my mind,and I was. I put another cig in my mouth and lit it. The smoke just came out of my mout and I just sat in that same position. All I was thinking about was how stupid I was.

Suddenly I lost my balance and fell to the ground backwards and a loud grunt left my lips. My back hurted like crazy but the quantiti of alcohol was so much that after some seconds I didn't felt anything. I just layed there and cryed,laughed,kicked and felt like a loser..

**

I woke up feeling dizzy. My head banged in million of directions and my back hurt.
"What the fuck have I done?" I questioned myself.

"You drank a lot and fell." A voice starteled me and I jumped up in a sitting position. I didn't know that someone was in the same room as me.

I looked up to the person and it was Bill. My beloved Bill. He was the only one I wanted to see right in that moment.

"Oh Bill." I jumped at him and hugged him tightly while tears runned down my face. He patted my back gently and stroked my hair. He smelled so good like always and was so conforting.

"Darling...I just heard what happened yesterday..I'm so sorry you had to see that." Bill said and pulled himself away from me to look into my eyes.

His eyes were almost glossy,his beautiful brown eyes. By his face expression I saw that he was very worried and sorry for me.