Confusion (Tom Kaulitz)

Goodbye

         Play the song for a better experience

       I kept running for my life. I know if I looked back that would slow me down. 

I was wondering around the quiet streets, not recognizing my surroundings. It was night,there was just the dim light from the street lights that shone to the ground, not a single car passing by. I kept walking,not knowing where to go. I walked and walked,finally I saw the path that was leading to the underground race place.

"Luck is on my side." I smiled at myself,knowing that from here I could get home easily. Once again I started running,happy salty tears escaping from my eyes and dropping to the ground.

It was a good 30 minute walk/run to get back to my apartment complex but I was finally there. I instantly collapsed to the ground as I was only meters away from the entrance. More tears streamed down my cheeks, I felt so relieved yet angry. I wanted to get in my bed, to close my eyes and to think about all this just as a dream, a really bad dream that left me traumatized and crushed. My heart sank when I remembered the good things we did together, the good memories. After all, now I was free, I just hoped I wouldn't have to face the devil himself for the rest of my life .

I got up, swept off the dirt off me and straightened myself. I was strong and confident as I started walking to the big door,throughout the lobby and up to my apartment. I felt nervous,yet so excited. I got to the door, panic rushing through me as I lifted my hand to the door and knocked. I didn't had my keys or other belongings, I had just my purse and a little hope that I would start my life with a clean slate.

However, I quickly snapped out of my thoughts as the door swung open and was met with a big smile and two long arms.

"Rio!" I whispered into his ear as he pulled me into a long, tight hug. I wanted to cry to let out all the feelings, all the sorrow and sad thoughts. All the 'What if?''s and the haunting memories but not a single tear left my dry eyes.

"Lu. Darling..I missed you.." he said and I felt his cold tears dropping to in the crook of my neck as he pulled back from the hug.

I looked into his beautiful brown eyes and all I saw was sadness and worry. He cared about me. He was my family.

"I missed you too. I missed you so much Mario!" I felt now tears welming in my eyes as well. This was one of my saddes and happyest days of my life. To be back to your friend, I always considered him my brother. He was my other half.

He didn't asked me any quiestions, my eyes were the answer. I know my eyes were puffy and red,filled with regred and sorrow. Mario grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. We sat down on the couch and all I could do was cry...cry because this wasn't the life I deserved,this wasn't the life I wanted to myself,to us.

I just sat there,not a single word escaped my mouth or of his, however I wanted to speak to him, I wanted him to comfort me. All the things I have been through was so much to digest..I never thought of something like this happening to me. Tom broke me, he broke my heart. I was in so much pain, I couldn't even think straight. Slowly my eyes closed as Mario wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

**

I woke up next to Mario. He put me in bed last night and stayed with me. I know he felt sorry for me,he didn't wanted this to happen to me either. I just lay there, I had no idea what to do. I wanted to go home, away from this hell. Away from the man I was still in love with, even though he hurt me so much. I knew Tom would always have a special place in my heart, but I could never forgive him. Hot tears welled up in my eyes, I was so hurt by it all. I believed in him, I gave him my love,my trust, but he was just playing with me,with my feelings. I was just a joke to him, but to me he was everything, my love, the brightest star in the sky, the moon... my everything...I still loved him. I was waiting for a sudden miracle, maybe Tom could change, maybe he could love me and everything would be fine,but as much as I wanted it, I knew deep down in my heart that this wouldn't happen. He would never change for me, for Bill or for anyone. He was a real monster, but when he was with me his eyes softened, his face relaxed and his heart melted. He maybe loved me after all, but his love was too painful,he hurted me with almost everything he did. My heart raced so fast when he touched me,when he kissed me passionately. He was so gentle with me always,when he wasn't in his high mood..how could he betray me like that? How? What did I do to deserve his hate towards me?