Confusion (Tom Kaulitz)

Another goodbye

•Play the song for a better experience•

"Strange, I thought, how you can be living your dreams and your nightmares at the very same time."

The other day Tom asked me if I wanted to move back with them in Tokyo. Of course I wanted,but I could never leave Mario by himself,we promised each other this thing, whatever happens, the two of us will be always together.

"What if Mario comes with us?" Minato asked excitedly, he also wanted us back,even though it was dangerous.

"I don't know man. I'm kinda tired of all this mafia shit." Mario replied almost in an annoyed tone.

The room felt silent, Tom sat beside me on the couch,the gang at the table and Mario on a chair in front of me.

The tension between us was indescribable,Mario and Minato still had some hate towards Tom, which I can totally understand. Once I leave Rome there will be no turning back for me.

Everyone was looking at me,waiting for my response. Should I go? I love Tom, I really do..if I go,I will have to face the things I was most afraid of,blood,corpse,mutilation.

"I-Tom.." I was so exhausted from all the pressure I was under. My voice was thin and it cracked with every sound that escaped my dry lips.

Tom looked at me,everyone looked at me. He put his long fingers between mine and stared at me with those beautiful orbs. How could I say no?

"Yes. I want to go back with you." I finally said. Was this the right choice though?

Tom instantly wrapped his arms around my body,pulling me closer into him. Every time he did this I felt like home, he was so warm and cozy, I felt comfort and love in him, I always did..

"I love you,Tom." It was easier to say this,now that I said it several times.

"I love you too,Luna." this felt so sincere,so real. Like I was telepathically connected with him, I felt all the emotions going through his veins, the love, the respect, the happiness and excitement. But also the sadness and fear.

I pulled away a bit,now facing Mario. He was sad, my heart sank. Do I really want to leave him? Do I?

"Please..come with us." was all I could say. I felt guilty and like a bad person. Hot,fresh tears rolled down my red cheeks, I felt horrible.

Mario just looked at me with the same expression. He was disappointed and surprised. I would be too..
My heart broke into million pieces when he simply shook his head 'no' and left the room,leaving me in my sorrow.

I started crying,this was all my fault. Only if I said no..now I can't turn back my decision. We are grown people, we need to make mistakes and learn from them. But it seems like I will never stop making mistakes. The bigges mistake was to love Tom. If he never existed in my life, this would never happed. I would never have to be torn away from the most important person in my life. Only if we never moved to Tokyo,only if Mario never met Bill, and most importantly, only if love wasn't this difficult. My emotions were always in the first place, I always listened to my heart.

I wanted to get up and go after Mario but Tom stopped me by grabbing my wrist. I gave him a glance and pulled my hand away,running towards Mario's room.