Lost in Hollywood

Dead Poets Society

The shy, quiet happiness of the fact that Sky was talking to him again, was even better than the heated dreams.

It stayed with Hawk all day, making everything just a little better. The rain didn't bother him, the food at lunch was tastier than in months, Hell - he didn't even mind that everyone else at their table was talking about Cody's surprise birthday party, to which he obviously wasn't invited, but so fucking what? Nothing was going to bring him down today. He would have gladly listened to any conversation if it included Sky smiling and laughing, and giving him a short glance every now and then, a glance Hawk couldn't quite interpret, but that at least wasn't openly hostile.

Yes - this was definitely better than the dreams. Because whatever he had tried to tell himself, the dreams weren't real. But this was. And even if Sky was in love with someone else now, even if they would never be together again - still, for the first time in ages, Hawk had hope. She was in his life again, her presence filling the hole that had been eating him alive for months. Maybe, maybe— if not lovers, then at least they could be friends?

He would take anything, any small crumble she was willing to give him.

Hawk's heart still felt light, when the school day ended. A small smile played on his lips, when on his way to the front doors after his last class, he noticed a group of kids hanging out in front of the auditorium doors.

There were maybe a dozen of them in a circle sitting on the benches and the floor. Mostly girls, but a couple of guys too, all holding thick piles of paper, or books in their hands.

The Drama Club kids, waiting for the teacher to arrive and let them in.

Hawk's steps slowed down, his feet suddenly felt heavy after walking on clouds this whole fucking day. In the middle of the group, two boys were reading out loud, rehearsing their lines. One of them was the fat kid whose name Hawk still couldn't remember, the other one was Cody.

"He– I can see his point: we're not a rich family, like Charlie's. We– But he's planning the rest of my life for me, and I– He's never asked me what I want!"

Cody's voice was clear and loud, as if he wasn't just rehearsing, but living the words he delivered, and despite himself, Hawk stopped to watch.

Of course, he had known Cody was good. Hell, he had seen him in every school play since middle school, but still— standing there in the middle of the small group of his friends, he looked like he was standing on a stage on Broadway, his presence so captivating that even Hawk couldn't walk away.

His heart grew heavy, as he looked at Cody who kept delivering line after line, flawlessly, without any faltering or hesitation. He looked like a star, like someone who knew exactly where he was going in this life - and he was going places, unlike the rest of them, unlike Hawk with his stupid scar, unlike that fat kid with dirty-blond hair and worn clothes. A bitter, heavy taste lingered on Hawk's lips as he glanced at Cody from head to toe, noticing his stylish clothes, the expensive wristwatch, his lean but toned body, his handsome, picture-perfect face—

And yet, he was also the boy who had been bleeding through his mouth and nose, screaming No, no, no, no, squirming in Hawk's iron grip as he had dragged him across the bathroom floor—

Hawk swallowed hard, his chest felt like it would collapse.

Sky had said that Cody's folks treated him like crap, 24/7, and suddenly Hawk couldn't shake that thought. Did they... beat him too? Looking at Cody now, that all felt impossible to believe, but what did he know? The way Cody had fought, the way he had screamed and writhed, fighting until the very end, until he'd collapsed onto the floor unconscious, twisted Hawk's gut. It made him feel like it hadn't been the first time someone was beating Cody up. Maybe, just maybe, something was going on in Cody's home, something that Hawk knew nothing about, something very, very bad. And maybe, by attacking Cody and beating him up, he had made it all a thousand times worse.