Lost in Hollywood

Execution

"You look tired. Have you been sleeping at all?" Hawk asked, giving Sky a worried glance as they walked out of the classroom.

"Not much."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah," Sky muttered, keeping her eyes down, hoping that Hawk wouldn't ask more.

She was going to the grief group for the first time, and it made her nervous as fuck. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk to Hawk about the nightmares but she could hardly blame him for asking. Her pale face and the shadows under her eyes revealed to everyone that she wasn't sleeping, so it was only natural for Hawk to worry.

"You know you can tell me anything," Hawk said silently, as they stopped in the lobby, in front of the doors of the auditorium. "I just— I wanna help you."

"I know."

That was all Sky wanted to say about that topic. Nothing good would come out of telling Hawk about the nightmares. They were too intimate, too awful. In her dreams she was kissing Cody, making love to him— and it carved her heart out to even think about it, to think about how sick and twisted it was to still want him, now that he was dead, now that she was in love with someone else. But that wasn't even the worst part. The thing that really killed her was the way those dreams always ended - with Cody's head exploding, his blood and his brain raining down on Sky's hands, on her face, in her mouth.

Every night she watched him die, over and over again. And she could never stop it.

"I think it's great you want to go to the grief group. Maybe it'll help with the nightmares too," Hawk said, glancing towards the doors of the auditorium.

Sky felt her stomach clenching into a tight knot of anxiety. She had promised herself she would come, that she would seek more help, but now that she stood in front of those doors, she only felt dread and fear and regret. The memory of the last time she'd walked into that room - the opening night of Dead Poets Society -  was heavy on her chest, taking her breath away. She could barely believe it was only weeks ago. It felt like it had happened in another lifetime.

"Yeah, I guess." Sky shrugged, dragging her eyes off the doors back to Hawk.

"You want me to wait for you?" he asked with a worried frown. "You need a ride home?"

"No, I'm good. Dad's gonna pick me up."

"You sure? I was thinking— that maybe, if you want to, we could go for a coffee? Or a milkshake—"

"Eli, please—" her throat wanted to close up. "I don't think that's a good idea. Not today."

His face fell, a defeated sigh left his lips. "Right. I just— I really wanted to talk to you about something."

Sky's heart twisted painfully in her chest. She hated to be the one to always disappoint him, the one who made him sad, worried, nervous, but she had a pretty solid hunch about what Hawk wanted to talk to her about, and that thought was a cold stone in her stomach.

The prom.

She had been avoiding being alone with Hawk lately, just to escape the conversation she knew was coming. The prom was in two months, whether she wanted it to be or not, and everyone else seemed to be super excited about it. Sam was obviously going with Miguel, and even if Moon didn't have a date - she had broken up with Piper some weeks ago - she was still going, and had already everything planned out perfectly. She was going to go dress shopping with Sam next week, and they had asked Sky to go with them. It would do you good to go out, to do something fun. Moon had said, with her sweet, sympathetic smile. Some positive energy after everything that's happened. Please, think about it.