Lost in Hollywood

A Dream

This chapter contains spoilers about Dead Poets Society. If you haven't seen the film - go and watch it now before reading this. 👀

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sky was the last person to enter the auditorium, slipping through the doors only moments before they were closed. While searching for an empty, back-row seat, she pulled the hood of her loose, black hoodie over her too-bright hair, trying to make herself as small and as unnoticeable as possible. The room was dark already, the curtains closed as the play was about to start, which was exactly the way Sky had wanted it. She didn't want to be seen, to be noticed, she knew she shouldn't even be here - and yet, it had been impossible to stay away.

Dead Poets Society.

Cody's last school play, the one he had been practicing for months. Sky had lived that excitement with him, helping him to learn his lines, watching the film with him time after time so that he could study the way Neil talked, his expressions, his maneuvers— So how could she stay away now, even if she knew he hardly wanted her here? This was her last chance to see him on stage, for in a couple of months he would graduate, and then— well, Sky just knew he'd get into one of the acting schools he had applied to. He was just that good. And that meant that he would move away, and Sky would never see him again unless it was his face on a movie poster someday in the distant future.

That thought was unbearable. Losing Cody hurt more than she had thought possible. She missed him, missed everything about him, missed his laughter and his kind words, missed his smile and his tears, missed the way he took her hand and told her he loved her, told her she was the bravest person he knew, promised to always be there for her.

And she had fucked that up. Since day one with Cody, she had made nothing but bad decisions, and now she was left with bitter regret and an aching Cody-shaped hole in her chest.

Guilt and shame, her constant companions, weighing heavily on her heart, Sky quietly slipped into an empty set near the exit of the auditorium, glancing to her sides making sure no one she knew had seen her. She hadn't told anyone she was coming, not even Dad. To him, she had said she was studying math at Hawk's place, and to Hawk—

Well, she hadn't exactly lied. She was never going to lie to him again. Lies were the love killers, they tainted everything, turned even the sweetest love sour. So when Hawk had asked if Sky wanted to come over after karate, to study, she had simply said she was busy. He hadn't asked more, so Sky hadn't said more. If he had, she would have told him the truth, but—

It was easier this way. They were just learning to be around each other again, and the last thing she wanted was another fight, another confrontation, only days before Valentine's Day - which would be their first real date.

She was just watching a school play. And if Hawk didn't know she was here, neither did Cody. It wasn't like this was some secret rendezvous of lovers behind Hawk's back— but still, she suspected he wouldn't see it that way. She knew all too well that Hawk was still jealous of her and Cody. That jealousy was always present, like black clouds hiding behind the horizon, ready to turn a perfectly beautiful day into an end-of-the-world storm.

She hated it. But what had she been expecting? She'd jumped into this thing with Hawk while still dating Cody, and that had been wrong towards both of them. This mess was all her fault and she knew it.

Which was the exact reason Sky wanted to take things slow. Not just to give herself some time to get over Cody, but also to give Hawk a chance to get over his jealousy. And when they really started dating, things would go right. No more lies or jealousy or cheating or heartbreak for anyone.