Lost in Hollywood

Penance

Getting a tattoo was painful, but that was alright.

The pain was her penance.

The big phoenix on her shoulder had been her penance for what had happened to Kat. And the smooth, black lines of writing on the sensitive inside of her forearm were the penance for Cody.

Sky knew she still had to get something for Luke, to mark her skin so that she would never forget how she had failed him, even if the sun rose and set a thousand times and days grew into weeks, months, years. But that had to wait. Today was about Cody.

The sleeve of her Absolutely Fabulous -shirt was rolled up, to reveal the fresh tattoo. It was still wrapped in a thin plastic film, but the text was clearly visible so Sky could easily follow the writing on her sore and sensitive skin with the tip of her finger. Corsican Stars. Just two words, but big enough to reach almost from the crook of her elbow to her wrist, written with Cody's graceful, old-fashioned handwriting.

His message to her. To find him. To find him under the Corsican stars where they had first kissed—

But of course, those weren't really his words. Sky had only heard them in a dream, Cody had never actually written them to her, so she'd had to go through all his letters - the ones from her time in rehab - and stitch the words together from single letters, like putting together the pieces of a puzzle. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough to start stitching together the pieces of her heart too.

Sky's hand fell and she let out a long sigh. The ache in her chest was constant, it gave her no peace. She knew better than to really think that getting a tattoo would fix what was broken within her.

"You okay?" Hawk's voice and the soft whirring of the tattoo machine brought Sky back into the moment, making her look up from her tattoo.

She cleared her throat, to find her voice. "Yeah. You?"

"Awesome." He flashed her a smile as if he didn't even feel the pain of the needle that was piercing his skin.

He was lying on the table on his stomach, resting his sharp chin on his hands as Rico worked on the tattoo on his back. He was shirtless and Sky couldn't help but notice the shape of his muscled shoulders and arms, so beautiful, so tempting. Her glance glided on his lean torso for a couple of seconds too long, before she could drag her eyes off.

Her cheeks heated, and she quickly turned to look at the framed tattoo designs on the walls. The last thing she needed now was for Hawk to realize she was checking him out. It had been bad enough to let him kiss her outside. A mistake, that's what it had been. A foolish split-second decision, nothing more. She knew she wasn't ready for that yet, so she shouldn't have made him think she was.

This day was supposed to be about Cody, about Sky's penance, not about kissing and confessions of love.

Sky bit her lip, angry and annoyed at herself. Saying she was in love with Hawk— it had been another stupid thing to do, even if it was true. But the truth didn't matter. What right did she have to love anyone, when Cody was dead? What right did she have to move on, when Cody never got to do the same?

The too-full feeling at the back of her throat threatened to turn into tears. Sky's fingers curled around her forearm, her palm pressing tight over the sore skin of her tattoo, transforming the emotional pain into a physical one.

She wasn't going to cry. Not here, not now. She had already cried an ocean these past weeks, and it hadn't done any good. No amount of tears was going to bring Cody back. Nothing would. He was gone, and the only thing she had left of him, were these two words on her skin, and the ache in her heart.