Lost in Hollywood

A Massive Mistake

Asking Hawk to sit at their table at lunch had been a massive mistake.

Sky realized that now, of course, now that Cody was gone. He had left so abruptly, almost running away from the cafeteria, had left without a kind word or a quick kiss, and from that Sky knew things were bad.

Yup. That's me. The worst girlfriend ever. I just keep giving and giving.

Causing pain to Cody was the last thing Sky wanted to do, but lately, it seemed to be the only thing she was capable of doing. She was always saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, and even if she always apologized and even if he always forgave her, it still made her feel like crap.

She just wanted to make him happy. She wanted to do something nice for him. She wanted him to know he was amazing, and that she loved him—

Her heart gave a slow, painful thump at that thought.

She did love Cody. Just... not the way he loved her. But love wasn't black and white, there were so fucking many shades of gray and the whole world of colors in it too, and where her love for Kat had been at the other end of that spectrum - all white and pure and bright and fucking angelic, her love for Hawk had been the other end, deep painful blood red and deepest black that tasted like passion and tears and need. Her love for Cody lay somewhere in between. It had the colors of the rainbow. It made her heart feel light.

At least in the moments when she wasn't fucking everything up by asking her ex-boyfriend to sit at their table. An ex-boyfriend she was still longing for, an ex-boyfriend she still had steamy dreams about, an ex-boyfriend who had beaten her now-boyfriend into a pile of bloody pulp just two months ago.

Sky made a face, tasting the shame and regret on her lips.

Yeah. A massive mistake.

But still, she couldn't stop thinking about it. The way Hawk had been pushing his food around his plate, as if he was unable to swallow a bite. Sky wondered if he'd noticed that she hadn't been eating either. And why the fuck did it even matter? Why the fuck did she care if he ate or not, if he noticed her blushing cheeks, her lacking appetite? Besides, maybe him not eating his food had absolutely nothing to do with how he felt about her, maybe he was just sick, maybe the fries were bad—

Who am I kidding? The fries here always taste like shit. No wonder he didn't wanna eat them.

But the way he had looked at her when she had done her best not to look at him, made her heart beat a bit faster. She had felt his presence, as always when he was near, as an electric current that made something hum in her core. As if they were two halves of a magnet, desperate to be united, to be made whole again.

That made Sky so frustrated she wanted to cry. She wished she had walked away from the table with Cody, they could have been making out in the library at this very moment, and his scent, the touch of his hands would have erased every lingering thought about Hawk from her mind.

Everything was such a mess. Had been ever since that night when she had gone to Hawk's house and they had talked, sitting side by side on his front steps.

He had said I was with you because I loved you, and those words still kept Sky awake at night, she couldn't help but wonder if he had really meant that, if he had really loved her, if he had felt that blood red, pitch black, passion, tears and need too?

Or had it always been just her, had it all been just in her head, was he still lying to her, but for what?

For what?

I have to stop thinking about this! I fucking have to stop obsessing about my stupid ex and start focusing on Cody.

Angrily Sky tossed away her tray and gripped the straps of her backpack, letting out a tense breath as she made her way out of the cafeteria. She had things to do, places to be, she had the colors of the rainbow in her heart, and a boyfriend to apologize to.