Nova is a recent law school graduate, clinging to her dream of becoming a sports lawyer through an internship with New York City's NHL team, hoping she can land a full time position. One problem though, the captain of the hockey team is someone she...
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Your first day at a new school, there is always a struggle picking where to go, who to be friends with, no matter how old you are. When you make it to the lunchroom, it feels as though the world is ending, that everything after this point would be determined by who you decided to sit with. Some people would chose to tough the storm alone, to hope that someone would come up to them, offering them friendship. Others put themselves out there, introducing themselves to new people and hoping for the best. I was usually the type to eat in the bathroom alone and suffer in silence.
And that's exactly how holidays feel for me now, except I've gotten to the point that I don't look for handouts. I often tell my brother that I'm going with Lennon on her vacations, and I tell Lennon and Imogen that I'm going to stay with my brother. Instead, I stay at the apartment alone and my holiday dinners consist of a microwave meal and an entire bottle of wine to myself.
I never want to feel like a burden, and that's exactly how the holidays make me feel, so I decide to go it alone instead.
Atlas is still holding out hope for my mother, much like I am I guess, just in a different way. He spends every holiday with her, hoping if he continues the traditions we've had since kids, she'll break through and return to who she once was. I know that if I were there, it would make the celebration even more difficult, so I keep my distance. He spent one year with me for Christmas, but I could tell it was eating him alive that my mother was alone, so I never asked to spend it with him again.
I know Lennon would likely love if I were to come with her on her family holidays where they jet off to tropical places and spend a week celebrating in the sun. She would love it if I were there because it would give her a reprieve from her overbearing and judgmental mother, but I just can't bring myself to start making new memories without my own family. Something about creating new traditions makes everything feel so permanent, and I would rather remain in denial than confront the fact that nothing will ever be the same.
So instead, I pretend. I pretend like Christmas and Thanksgiving and all the other holidays just don't exist anymore, not without my family, how it used to be. I continue to live in the mundane, refusing to celebrate, holding out hope that one year, there will be some sense of normalcy for my brother and I again.
Which is how I've now gotten myself in this predicament. When Declan asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving this year, I couldn't decide between which lie to tell him, so I blurted out that I was spending time with Atlas. It wasn't necessarily a lie, he was coming to the city for dinner the Sunday after the holiday, I just exaggerated the truth.
"Why does your brother think you're going with Lennon on vacation for Thanksgiving?"
I pull the phone from my ear, mouthing curses before bringing it back up to the side of my face so I can answer Declan.
"Um, because I am. She asked me last minute, and Atlas was fine with it."
"Really? Because he told me that had been your plan all along."
