Come Back To Me

Chapter One

I've always struggled in social situations which is ironic because being an actress and promoting projects involves alot of social interactions but my anxiety is something I've been working on for years now and it's slowly getting there. I used to be able to handle these things no bother when I had Seb by my side but those days are gone now.

Tonight I'm attending a fundraising event for an organisation I've been involved with since I started acting and which really helped me. I'm hanging out by the bar "Whiskey neat when your ready" I say "A whiskey girl is my kinda girl" comes a voice from beside me and I turn and see a stunning woman next to me "I'm Romanian we like strong liquor" I say "Lottie Lewis" she says and I recognise the name she's a well known model "Ivy Lazarescu" I say "I know who you are question is why are you hiding by the bar" she says "Anxiety mostly these kind of situations freak me out a little" I say "You are stunning I've seen you in interviews your incredible" she says "Thank you your amazing too I watched you walk during Paris Fashion Week last year you were beautiful" I say "Thank you. I am curious what brings you to an event like this it's usually only attended by survivors of abuse" she says "I am a survivor of abuse" I say and she seems surprised "I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours" she says "Somewhere more private if you don't mind" I say.

We find a quiet corner and sit "My dad died when I was a baby so it was always just my mom and me until I met Seb and his mom and we became this close knit family group. We moved to the US when I was eight with nothing but our suitcases and a dream of a better life. My mom went back to school got her degree and life was pretty great. I was thirteen when she met someone and I don't blame him at all for what happened but he had a son he was sixteen. Seb always got a bad vibe from him when he came to visit but I didn't and he hadn't done anything so I couldn't not defend him. I still remember everything about that first night the smells what I was wearing his touch everything. It went on for two years then he went off to college and I was free he had pictures and videos he threatened me with to keep me from telling my mom. My sixteenth birthday is when everything changed he was home from college and it started again I had a boyfriend at the time so he was angry about that so things were rougher than before their were bruises left and I made sure to take pictures of them. Seb was suspicious he'd always been since after that first time but he never asked me about it waiting for me to come to him. I found out I was pregnant the day after my birthday and I knew I had to tell my mom but I was also struggling with my mental health and everything that happened so I went into a dark place and I tried to kill myself I crashed my car on purpose. I broke my arm my leg had a concussion had my spleen removed but my mom knew why I did they told her about the baby I had miscarried and she knew right away who's baby it was. She left him and we moved away for a fresh start closer to Seb and his mom. They helped me recover and I got there eventually but I still battle depression everyday ptsd and anxiety and relationships aswell. I don't speak publicly about it because I don't want it to become my identity so I reach out to people online through groups like this one and I help in whatever way I can" I say "Wow you were so young and to get pregnant and lose that baby" she says "It was alot. Now your turn" I say "It was a casting director he made me feel like I wouldn't succeed as a model if I didn't sleep with him and he almost ruined my career when I dared to speak out but I surround myself with good people now who give me full control over those decisions and the way I want my career to go" she says "I love that" I say "Me too and I think you and me are going to be best friends" she says "I'm in need of one of those" I say "Me too" she says. We exchange numbers and makes plans to meet later this week.

A few days later and I'm in LA as I'm starting to promote a new movie I'm in and I'm grabbing coffee after a yoga session and as I'm leaving I bump into someone on my way out "So sorry" I say "No problem" comes a voice I'd recognise anywhere in the world belonging to my former best friend Sebastian Stan "Ivy hi" he says when we make eye contact "Hi that's all you have to say after five years" I say "I panicked how have you been" he says "Good really good you I mean your a Marvel star now" I say "Yeah I guess so" he says "Well I have to go but nice seeing you" I say "Can we meet while we're both here to talk" he says "I'm not ready for that yet you broke my heart when you cut me off like that. I need time" I say "Okay I'll give you time" he says "Thanks" I say and I leave him there the boy I loved since I was a little girl.