Secrets and Sins Part 2: Finding Mary

Chapter 14

~Ava~

She stared up at the dark ceiling listening to the muffled sobs coming from the bedroom. Ava fought the urge to get up and go to Bea, to wrap the sister warrior up in her arms, to mend what she broke. The Halo bearer let out a shaky sigh.

It's too late.

Shuffling slightly, she turned onto her side, the couch was just the littlest bit too small to spread out on, Ava figured she would be stiff and sore in the morning.

I deserve it.

She replayed the fight over and over in her head. The stuff about Mary had been building for a while now, she knew that both herself and the sister warrior had felt it coming to a head, but the other stuff, the stuff about the other woman, why the hell did she have to say that?

Am I jealous?

They had come so far in their relationship, but this was uncharted territory. Bea was a beautiful woman, Ava knew others could see it and they were interested. Ava wasn't afraid that the sister warrior would just suddenly up and leave her. It was more the Halo bearer didn't know what the rules were.

She had wanted to go up to the pair and stake her claim, if Ava had her way she would have been right beside the taller woman, putting out some serious 'she's mine' vibes, subtly of course. But she wasn't sure how comfortable Bea would be with that. Up until a couple of weeks ago the sister warrior couldn't even hold Ava's hand in public, her crippling self doubt and internalized homophobia made it near impossible. The Halo bearer had been patient, she waited, and eventually Bea began to creep out of her shell, even instigating small public displays of affection.

She didn't want to be 'that girl', the one that kicked up a huge stink over their partner innocently talking to someone else. She trusted Bea more than anyone else in her life. Ava ran her hands over her face, stifling a groan. She was so, so exhausted, but doubted sleep would be possible anytime soon.

What an idiot, a jealous fucking idiot.

"Is that really the reason?"

The second voice in her head startled her slightly, she had almost forgotten about the Halo in all the turmoil.

I don't know what you mean.

"Ava, stop playing stupid. You know what I'm getting at, you are intelligent...and I do share your head..."

Ava remained silent, feeling a single tear roll down her cheek.

"Fine. If you can't say it, I will. You are not jealous, or even if you are, you trust Beatrice, you love Beatrice. That isn't the reason for this fight. So, the question is, are you pushing her away because you're worried that you are going to hurt her? Or is it you're worried that doing what you need to do to find Mary is going to hurt her? Because in both cases, I think that ship has sailed...she's already hurt."

Again the Halo bearer remained quiet, lifting a trembling hand to wipe at the tears which were starting the flow more freely.

"Well?"

I don't want to talk about it. Not now.
Please.

The Halo didn't speak for some time. Eventually it replied, almost gently.

"Okay."

~

The sun streaming into the kitchen window roused her from a deep dreamless slumber. Ava had a throbbing headache, silently crying herself to sleep had left her feeling dried out like an old sponge. The smell of the bar still lingered on her clothes, it hit the Halo bearer that she hadn't had a shower or even changed out of her work clothes last night.