The Lamb and the Gray Battle

September 26, 2022

Diyiren said, "I walled myself up in my room for a month, sobbing every day. You think my hair is wild now, you should have seen it then. And I was as loud as I wanted to be and I threatened the life of everyone who served me if they dared repeat what they heard."

Nianzang couldn't hug his father as he did when he talked about Mam. This was a story that Nianzang feared. Songs repeated the calculated way Ao Guang sacrificed his mother's life to get to Satan, of his blood-thirst and ambition. That Ao Guang would do anything for power.

"You let Laoye die," Nianzang croaked.

Diyiren had never once heard his son refer to Madame Long as Laoye, grandma, before.

"The moment Satan took her, her life was forfeit. BoBo said as much when he gathered the army together. My mother made it easy for me, calling me an idiot in those last moments, leaving me no illusions that we'd one day have a loving, caring relationship."

Diyiren's eyes were red and rimmed with tears.

"It destroyed me to bite into her heart. I don't know what her soul thought of me. I'd like to think she was proud of me, defeating Satan like that. Accepting that she wouldn't survive, choosing to use it. Not falling apart when Satan beheaded her."

Diyiren fringed his lips, twisted them downward.

"She is with me always and I want her to be," he said, fingering the crown on his head. "My purpose from the day I was born was to kill Satan and take his throne. She made me strong enough to survive that day."

"Your mother was a monster."

"My mother was a princess, educated to become the queen of the dragon clan. She was graceful, poised, talented with the sword. Satan took her because she had human blood and because she would one day inherit the sovereignty of China. She was raped by a monster, impregnated by him, forced to give birth to his spawn. BoBo rescued her from Hell only to imprison her in the bowels of the Fortress. I was ripped from her arms and only permitted to be with her once a week for an hour or two. I would have relished every moment I got if I were separated from my child," rubbing a knuckle along Nianzang's cheek, "but it turned her mean and cruel. She didn't want to be close to me because every time they took me away from her must have been a fiery blade through her heart. They must have used me to torture her. And there was a very good chance that one or both of us were going to die in this misguided plot for Satan's throne."

Nianzang scuttled away from his father. "I don't want power."

"Good. It's not worth the trouble."

"Have you heard anything from Mam?"

"Nothing new," Diyiren said, extinguishing the incense burner.

"I wrote to her again."

"Don't expect a reply. She's hurting, and when she's suffering, the whole world revolves around her."

"Don't be cruel."

"I'm being truthful."

Diyiren pulled his son to him and kissed him on the crown. He said, "I'll think of something."