The leader in blue -MAJOR EDIT-

Falling apart

I haven't talked to anyone, I stayed locked up in my room for weeks. They would bring food to my door and take care of my kids. Every once in a while Angel or my kids would knock on my door. "Blue, we're setting the food the food at your door." They say those same words everyday, and everyday I careless if I eat or not. "Momma?" Leo pats on the door. "Momma!" I cover my ears, I don't want to hear his voice, I don't want to look at him. "Momma!" He begins to cry. "Go away!" I growl. "Come on Leo, mommy is not feeling well." I cry to myself yet again. I sigh when my bladder betrays me. I slowly get up and drag myself to the bathroom connected to my room. After using the restroom I look in the mirror, was hung my hands. I'm a mess, I can't do this without him, I thought I could but I can't. I can't live without him, I'm nothing without him. He's never coming back, I'm never getting him back. It hurts too much I can't do this...I can't. I'm a terrible mother...my kids, I don't deserve them. I open the cabinet and find a bottle of pills, I grab those and began taking them three by three. I lay on the bed feeling nauseous but nothing comes up, my head began to feel dizzy and everything goes black.

I wake up in a white room with nothing in it. My hands are strapped down, an IV connected to me and a monitor, monitoring my heart rate. The door opens and in comes a doctor. "You're finally awake, my name is doctor Alexis I'm a psychiatrist here. Sorry but we had to strap you down since you have claws we didn't want you harming yourself again. How are you feeling right now?" I growl. "I see, how about I bring someone in that you are familiar with." Donnie walks in waving at me. "Hey Blue." I look away, I don't want to look at him, I don't want to talk to him. I don't talk to liars. "I understand you're still angry with me, with us. But, you need to talk, killing yourself is not the way, think about your kids." I snap. "I was thinking about them, I was thinking that I don't deserve them, I'm a terrible mother, I can barely keep it together. Leo made me feel whole and without him I'm nothing. He's never coming back to me and now I truly lost him forever." I whimper. "Thank you Donnie I gathered everything I needed to know, the hospital will keep her for a few days to continue monitoring her and when it's time for her to leave we suggest she wears mittens to keep her from scratching herself, her doors need to stay open at all times and anything she can use to harm herself out of reach. Even though she's pushing all of you away she needs her family." They walk out the room and I huff.

The next few days nurses come in and out to check on me or feed me. The psychiatrist comes in to talk to me every now and then and Donnie comes to visit whenever he can since he's the only one that can right now. Today is my last day here thankfully, I can't stand another day looking at these white walls. Donnie wraps my hands in a fist and slide the mittens on. "There, ready to go?" I grumble my ears going back. "I know this isn't comfortable but please understand it's for your own good." We leave the hospital.

At home my kids hugged me which surprised me, after how I behaved they missed me. "Blue!" My mother hugs me. "I'm taking a few days off to take care of you, ok? You won't be alone I will make sure of it and don't worry about the children they will be taken care of." I whimper, tears falling down my face. "Oh honey don't cry, kids give your mom and I alone time." I watch them go upstairs and I burst into tears in my mothers arms. "My kids should hate me I was terrible, I neglected them and I put my hands on them and after all that they still came to me. "Blue they could never hate you." I hug my kids and apologize over and over again. Leo press his forehead against mine and I smile. I get up with my mitten hands and sigh. "How long do I have to wear these?" Donnie walks past me in his phone as he answers. "Just until we know you're no longer a danger to yourself." Angel walks out the kitchen, I roll my eyes walking past her when she grabs me. "Please don't be upset with me, I almost lost you and I don't want to lose you again." She hugs me tight. "I'm glad you're alright." I pull back. "I need sometime alone." Mom piped in. "Not without your mother, remember, you can't be alone for too long." I sigh going upstairs to my room, the door has been taken off so I can't have no privacy. I plop on my bed when Raph stops at my door frame. "I want ta apologize again, blame me not the others. I told em not ta tell ya because I didn't want ta make ya panicked. I thought it was the right call at da time." I roll over facing the wall. "I didn't know what else ta do but think of the best way ta protect ya the way Leo would." I hear his foot steps disappear. I close my eyes sighing then I hear tiny feet. "Mommy, are you sleeping?" My ears go back at the question then I sit up. "No baby I'm not sleeping." Caesar, Sapphire and Anthony crawl in the bed with me. "Why are your hands wrapped up?" I look at them and sigh again. "So I don't hurt myself." Sapphire crawls in my lap and hugs me. "It's ok." The tears begin to pour.