perfect something ;; xikers

twenty five

"I know you were there."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

Yujun attempted to walk past the leader, but Minjae grabbed his wrist. "Don't try to lie, Yujun. I'm not an idiot. Why were you listening in on my meeting?"

"I'll keep everything I heard to myself," Yujun said quickly as he withdrew his wrist from the older male. "It doesn't matter, does it? Do you plan on hiding anything away from us?"

"Of course not," Minjae told the other as he crossed his arms. "But we should have a level of integrity between us, shouldn't we? I'd appreciate it if you didn't do so many things to anger or frustrate me."

"Look, hyung. I respect you - I really do. You have to keep in mind what my past is. I'm not very fond of... bad drifter groups. I'm especially not fond of bad leaders."

"What, do you plan to take us out like you did to Ghosteye, Ghoff, and Travonius?"

"I'm not afraid to do what I must," Yujun said softly. "I've begun to care about these boys, and they're like brothers to me. If their leader claims to be accepting and proud but practices otherwise, I'm going to do something about it."

"Don't make an enemy out of me, Yujun."

"I'm not, hyung," Yujun laughed, stepping toward the older and leaning forward. "You know I love you very dearly, hm? I want you to love this group until your end - take care of them as you always have. They respect you, so maybe keep the wall between you and them clear."

Minjae smirked a little. "You think I'm afraid of you?"

"Of course not - but I'd like to think that you like my abilities," Yujun giggled, tilting his head. "Thanks for letting me be with Seeun, though. There was a lot of crying to get to this point. I'd love to stay with him for a while longer before things go south."

"..."

"And thank you for not acting on your feelings."

"Tch. I shouldn't have let you into the group."

"I know I'm your favourite," Yujun smiled as he stepped away. "Here's some advice for you, too. Don't be so harsh with Hunter, too - he's really sad right now about everything and is upset about the wall you put up between them."

"How do you-"

"Deep down, you used to love Hunter."

Minjae paused for a moment, staring into the other's eyes. Yujun's pupils turned over to a pink colour before returning to normal. "Your Signet can make you read signatures."

"Oh, so smart!" Yujun exclaimed with a laugh. "Yes, I know everything about you already. I know that you and Hunter... were close. Very close, actually. Is that why he's so obsessed with you? Is that why he convinced you for many nights to sleep beside him? Because for a long time, you were the one that needed him?"

It was as if Minjae broke for a moment, his true colours shining through those cracks. "Hunter helped me... feel things. He was the only one who opened himself to me emotionally. He helped me through sleepless nights."

"And then he admitted that he loved you."

"I don't love, Yujun," Minjae murmured, a frown decorating his expression. "I don't feel love, and I can never experience love. It's only a distraction from what's really important."

"Minjae hyung, look at me. I've done all that I can to survive, yet I still found love. I trusted myself to... let Seeun in. To give him a chance. I thought I'd never experience an emotion that deep, yet here I am. Give yourself a chance. Hunter might be too late, but... allow yourself to feel deeply. He loves you more than you think. Don't be so harsh."

"I'm not being harsh. He invaded my space, forced himself on me, and got upset when I set a boundary," Minjae snapped, glaring at the other. "I don't have feelings for Hunter, and I don't give a shit about what he feels for me."

"You're hurting yourself more than you're hurting him," Yujun told him quickly. "Just think about it for a bit longer. Sure, you can be mean and strict towards him, but in the end, Hunter is just a guy that's in love with his leader. He feels bad about it, too - it's not like he is rationalising every thought going through his head. Other people hate themselves, too."

Minjae paused for a second before swallowing down his saliva. Yujun seemed awfully serious. "Don't ever talk to me again about my relationship with Hunter. I'm just setting a boundary - I'm protecting myself."

"Fair enough, but look what you're doing to your member." Yujun's eyes became more gentle. "You don't need to love him. Just... look at him. That's all you need to do."

With that, Yujun turned to walk away, leaving Minjae to ponder to himself. The older male scoffed in irritance to himself, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he walked off. He was quite irritated with the situation, but Minjae tended to hold things until they got too far.

God forbid someone had to know his real feelings about things.

Minjae paused as he turned the corner to walk down the stairs, but Hunter was on his way up. Both stopped in place, a heavy silence falling over them. Minjae held his breath, but Hunter quickly avoided his eyes as he stepped to the side.

"Hunter-"

"I have to get to Hyunwoo, sorry."

Hunter attempted to quickly zip past the older, but Minjae hurriedly blocked his path. He still avoided the other's eyes. "Did I make you upset?"

"Sorry, Minjae-nim, I'm in a hu-"

"Hunter, did I hurt you?"

Minjae finally looked up at him. Hunter hated that look in his eyes - it was a look he never often harboured, and if he did, it was real and true. Hunter stepped away from the other, looking down at the cold concrete. "Hy... Minjae-nim. You... you don't love me, right? So let's keep it that way. I'm sorry I ever loved you."

"Hunter, don't say that."

"Make up your mind, then! What do you want, huh? Do you want to be known as a heartless man with no love, or will you give up this facade and... open up again?"

"Hunter, I can't love-"

"Well, then, fine! We don't need to love, then! I'm sorry for pissing you off. I'm sorry for... crying in front of you. I'm sorry for helping you feel again. I'm sorry I couldn't love you."

"Hunter, I can't love you!" Minjae yelled, his eyes clouding over with heavy tears. "I want to love you. I want to... to feel again. To love again. But I can't. I can't love you anymore."

"I can't be in this group if all I'm going to do is hurt myself by seeing you," Hunter said softly as his voice shook with emotion. "I think I'm done. I'm done with XIKERS, and I'm done with you."

"Hunter, what are you s-"

"I need to leave this group," Hunter repeated, his tears falling down his cheeks. "I understand that I took it too far. But knowing what I did... upsets me as well. I shouldn't have kissed you, because you clearly regret ever having ever let me in."

"Hunter, I don't make mistakes," Minjae said, shaking his head. "Loving you wasn't a mistake. It's not something I look back it with regret. I... I loved you. No, I... I love you. I still do."

"Then why push me away every time?" Hunter asked softly, sniffling as he wiped his eyes. "Why are you so afraid of loving me? Is it because you have an image to uphold?"

"Mostly," Minjae agreed with a sad laugh, "but I know what love is capable of. It's powerful. What if you betray me? But I keep forgiving you because I love you? I have the utmost trust in you and the boys, but... loving someone while doing what we do."

"But the others can love - why can't we love?"

Minjae simply looked down, stepping forward until his head touched Hunter's chest. The taller boy stood still, not wanting to do anything wrong that could make Minjae upset again. He waited for Minjae to allow him to continue.

"Just... give me a hug, Hunter. I can't say 'sorry' just yet. I want to be petty."

"Can I call you hyung again?"

"... mhm."