Two things:
1. I am responsible for every bit of this, but it really fucking sucks to have garnered a universal reputation of guy-who-doesn't-have-his-shit-together-and-is-generally-unreliable. Again, I am completely responsible for taking care of that, and I will. I don't have a choice. I am the one that has to live with myself.
I'm tired of looking at myself as a fuck-up. I've felt that I can't keep going on like this for the better part of a decade. I'm absolutely exhausted of these supposed breaking points, now without the benefit of only letting myself down. I've let almost everyone I know down, chief among them myself. Once again, I cannot keep going on like this.
2. I am not sure if I am capable of falling in love.
I know that's really strange of me to say in light of recent events and also annoyingly cliche, especially after a break-up. But I don't know, man. A part of me wants to pack up the ambition completely and live life as someone half-okay with the fact I'm not made for this, assuming I'm not made for this, which feels untrue.
