Z-- is something I've been thinking about a lot.
It's become apparent to me that she's exactly who I thought she was, but in discovering that, I'm relearning that age-old lesson that hurt people hurt people. She's kind of like this manipulative maneater, apparently. Like, 100% chalks dudes up and plans accordingly. To learn this, I had to encounter the part of her that's a scared kid - a once fat kid, a weird kid, not different at all from the people I have known. Not much different than who I am. It makes me think of J---- in all his fucking whatever. Once - and still - he is a weird kid, whacked out on God-fearing, oedipalization, and a heart shattered to bits. Hurt kids who got the blame put on them.
Every day, I dream of something that will wipe away the pain of all these people. I dream of a place where they don't have to hide anymore, and they can be loved and free forever. Being naked will no longer be a nightmare. I dream about a day where they'll all have woken up having been forgiven, and they'll no longer have to hurt. A day where this will be over for all of us. Nothing will ache or haunt or shame; nobody will ever feel ugly again.
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*UPDATE: Z-- is horrible lmfao nvm
