I have never been more upset at another human being than I am with R-----. To steal from E---, describing that phone call is like trying to describe "Bohemian Rhapsody" as a song with words. I'm not sure if the real savage edges - the shit that has since blown my fucking face off - is coming across in what little I've told you about it. That was, without a doubt, one of the most painful experiences I've ever had. *This* is one of the most painful experiences I've ever had, and I never expected to get so weird. I never expected this break-up to leave me genuinely paranoid. The worst I thought this was going to bring me was pining and all that bullshit. I thought this wasn't going to be so bad. Fuck me, dude.
I know life goes on, believe me. I know that all too well. But things are going to suck so bad for a while.
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N-----, E---, and K------ have such freakishly impressive encyclopedic commands of music. They've listened to *everything*, or at least little bits of everything. I've learned more about music in the 12-hour stints where we burrow ourselves in my living room from 6 p.m. to 8 a.m. than I did when J was burrowed in my bedroom back in Red Deer. They've shown me the unjustly forgotten corners of British synth-pop and yacht rock; the rightfully revered genius of Prince, Chief Keef, Bladee, and Michael Jackson; the former Soviet Union's recently rediscovered jazzy post-punk explorations; the best of 21 Savage, Young Thug, and Yeat; genuinely hallucinatory trap lost on SoundCloud from bricked laptops in South Florida; Swedish chamber music; the Franco-Flemish School; the absolutely mind-blowing hidden presence medieval church modes have in pop music; Bach vs. Handel and why they matter; why Glenn Gould is one of the greatest Canadians; why Ween isn't a just fucking joke band; the unexpectedly brash and metallic melodies of Japanese indie rock; why I ever loved punk rock; and, of course, that "Teenage Dirtbag" is a great song, no matter if E--- says it's just "Fine". Music always wins, just like Samuel Beckett said.
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I miss your punk ass. I feel like I've been away from you for too long.
