Life without you * English story *

Chapter 5

To be right there in that moment

You'd give anything to be It's alright
'Cause tonight
We're going to paint the town green

The Script – Paint town green

At the end of the afternoon, we did a soundcheck in the o3 arena. The o3 arena is a special building. Because normally a concert hall is rectangular. But the o3 arena is oval. Half round and there is a floor where people can sit. Fortunately, our stage has been adapted to this. And one of the highlights of the show is that I'm going to fly through the room so that I can also see the people behind and at the top. I think it's pretty exciting, but it's always gone well so far and I'm confident it will go well tonight. 'Thank you, dear people, I'm assuming we'll put on another great show together tonight and make a great first show here in Dublin ' I say through the microphone and I look at my dancers and the band. People clap and Jimmy my dancer next to me pats me on the back. "Will definitely be fine," he assures me. I nod gratefully to him.

I make another deep bow to my band and then walk off stage. When I stand behind, the transmitter and device are disconnected from me and I walk back to the changing rooms. When I'm just in the dressing room I hear a knock on the door and before I can say anything it swings open. I turn around and I see Jake standing in the doorway. "Liz, you'll have a meet and greet in 10 minutes," he tells me. "Oh yes, nice! I'm going to freshen up. I smile. I also think measuring fans for my shows is one of the most fun things to do. And meet my loyal fans and chat with them. 'Good, I'll see you in a minute' And then Jake leaves my dressing room again. I quickly refresh myself and come out of the dressing room a few minutes later fresh and fruity. Time for the meet and greet with fans...

I walk back to the locker room. On the way, I run into Danny and Katie chatting in the hallway. Somehow I feel a small stab of jealousy in my body. 'Liz wait a minute ' Danny walks up to me. Are we going to have another Irish drink like that? " He looks at me questioningly. I laugh. "What kind of drink? '. I look at Katie and then back at Danny. 'Come 'Danny smiles at me.' Okay,' I say hesitantly. Katie and I follow Danny to the canteen. It is a huge space with a kitchen. And further on there is a long table where the food will be served. Danny walks over to the bar on the other side of the room. Katie and I wait quietly behind him. Danny talks to the bartender. Then he turns around and holds a tray with three shot glasses and there's something of black stuff in all three. No idea what it is.
Before I can think of what it is, Danny opens his mouth. "This is Guinness — an Irish beer you should taste," he says with a grin. I quickly look at Katie again. "Oh is it sweet? " Katie asked. Danny shakes his head. "It's a distinct flavor, but you have to try it," he says again. "Well I don't know Danny — can I drink it? " I look at him worriedly. Danny is smiling this time. 'Yes of course it's just a small glass ! " he says and grabs a shot of glass with his free hand. "Come girls for a drink," he says with a grin. "Okay then" Katie replies and grabs the shot. I also do it automatically. "Well then cheers," I say and bring the shot glass to my mouth. Then I taste a very bitter but really not-so-good taste in my mouth. I immediately prod a part in front of me on the ground. Danny laughs. 'Sorry not tasty ' I admit honestly and put the glass back on the tray. I quickly look at Katie. "I like it," she says with a laugh.

Later that night, it was almost showtime. With my glitter suit and my glitter boots on, I come out of my dressing room. Conor and Jake and some other security guards are already ready. "You're so far Liz? ' Jake grins at me. 'Yes, definitely! I'm really looking forward to it," I say with a big grin on my face. And that's certainly not a lie. I can't wait to get back on stage and sing quite a few songs to my fans. Jake hands me a water bottle. I take it gratefully and open the cap and take a sip. Then we all walk down the corridor towards the stage. Every now and then I take another sip and give the bottle back to Jake. Then I sing a few more lines of my songs when we get behind the stage not much later. I can already see my band ready and my dancers. Then I quickly spot Wild Things in a corner. And Glen. I just secretly saw their performance and what I saw was incredibly good. "Wait a minute, I'm going to Wild Things," I say to Jake and then walk over to the boys. "Liz! ' says one of the boys to me. 'You guys were really good ' I say back with a smile. 'Thank you so much, we really loved it'. "You're going to watch my performance like this? " I ask interested. 'Yes, we will do that'. Glen looks at his mates. They nod. "Have fun, I'm going to get ready," I say goodbye to the boys and walk back to the band and my dancers. I see from the corner of my right eye that the four boys are gone. Apparently, they are in the room. I now have another transmitter placed and I am handed my microphone. Then we all stand in a circle. I do my word and we end with a group hug. I love these people so much. It's like a big family. I feel a little tension rising. Healthy tension. I always have this for a performance. This performance is the beginning of this European tour. A tour where I don't know what's going to happen. But somehow I feel like it's going to be a special tour...

'Thank you, Dublin for a great first night!' I shout through the microphone. I see people screaming, clapping, and especially taking pictures of me. I make another deep bow and then I hear my band playing and I leave the stage. I feel beads of sweat slide down my neck. It was a really great first show again. And the fans really enjoyed participating. 'Liz I have something for you' Jake arrives with a large white towel. I gratefully take it and wipe the first drops away from my face and then throw it around my neck. 'Come we're going back to the hotel'. I nod. When I'm in my dressing room, I take a quick shower and get dressed. I quickly spray deodorant under my arms and then walk to the door with my bag. Outside the door I see several people walking back and forth. Conor and Jake are already ready. They are busy chatting with each other, but when I come out they turn their heads at me. Jake smiles at me. "Let's go," I tell them. Both men nod and the three of us walk towards the car.

Half an hour later we arrive at the hotel. There are some fans at the entrance. I greet the fans and take a few selfies and then walk in. "Are you going to your room or are we going to have another drink? " Jake asks me. Usually after my performances, we all have a drink together to talk about the evening and to end it nicely. Jake really feels like a father figure to me. 'Booze you're fun' I reply back with a smile. We walked together to the hotel bar. There are some people around the bar. We find a table by the window. I plopped down on a chair as Jake sat down across from me. Immediately, out of the corner of my left eye, I see a waitress approaching us. "Hi, you're definitely in the mood for a drink? " she asks us kindly. "yes, please, we like something," Jake joked. I smile at the waitress. 'For me a glass of whisky'. "Okay and for you uh... ' The waitress looks at me curiously. 'Liz' I compliment her. "Oh yes, of course! Sorry, I did feel like I know you from somewhere. She looks at me guiltily. 'No Worries' I say right back. 'For me like a glass of white dry wine'. She nods and keyed it into her device and then goes back to the bar. I look at Jake. Later, the waitress comes back with our drinks and toasts Jake and me on the first day of the European tour.

That night I slept terribly. Only Max came into the picture. And again and again, the bit of the accident when Max crashes into another car. Again and again, I hear myself calling Max's name. Around four o'clock I startle. I sit up in bed and look ahead in my dark hotel room. Tears slide down my cheeks. This nightmare or maybe I should say it rather a flashback to a few years ago does a lot to me. I feel the pain again. I turn around and lie down on my stomach. Then I burst into tears again.

With my sunglasses on my eyes, I'm having breakfast a few hours later. Sitting across from me are Danny and Katie. I eat my breakfast in silence. Today I opted for yogurt with muesli and a large cup of cappuccino. Every once in a while, I look at Katie and Danny. Then suddenly Katie turns her head towards me. "Liz, you're still " she suddenly remarks. "And you have sunglasses on your head," Danny adds. I quickly eat another bite of my yogurt. Then I look at Danny and Katie. ' Nothing heard just not much sleep ' I say quickly. "Yes, yes, and I have to believe that? ' Katie then looks at me worriedly. 'Nothing really true '. I smile weakly at Katie. I try to hide it from my friends. I don't want to tell you that when I lie in bed at night I often cry because of Max. And that I still miss him so much. "Really? Katie raises an eyebrow. She looks at Danny for a moment. "Shouldn't we all go to your room and have a good conversation? " , Danny then suggests. I shake my head. 'No, you don't have to, I'm fine'. I get up and decide to get away from this table and get an extra drink at the breakfast buffet. I surprisingly leave Danny and Katie behind and walk to the bar. I walk straight to the juice machine and tap a glass of fresh gravy. When I turn around and want to walk to our table I see 4 gentlemen entering the breakfast room. When the boys see me, they smile at me and I smile back and then walk back to the table. Katie, Danny, and I caught up and luckily we didn't talk about me anymore. When we are done with breakfast we get up. I want to go back to my hotel room to chill out before we go to the o3 arena for the last time. As I walk past the table of Wild Things, Glen looks at me a little longer than usual.