Everyday it's a-gettin' closer - English Version

The Return - The reality

The next few hours seemed to Crowley like a film he had stood next to. Because of the treatment with holy water, he could hardly support Nathanael. Neither of them could work a miracle. Old-fashioned action had to be taken with means that had also been used to fight the other party. What he could do was to stand by Aziraphale at the vacant side of the bed.

While Nathanael cleaned, washed, stitched and covered the wounds, Crowley had bent over Aziraphale and whispered encouraging words into his ear again and again. Whether these reached his angel, however, he did not know, for again and again Aziraphale drifted into unconsciousness and, to make matters worse, began to feel feverish. Crowley was not surprised at this, for although he swallowed the anger for the sake of the situation, his thoughts had cleared and he knew exactly where these wounds were coming from.

This led to another emotion igniting within him, alongside the anger and certainty.

Bewilderment

In all the interminable years of his life, Crowley had heard about it again and again, but had never seen any living proof of it. Even he, who had apparently received one of the harshest punishments, was spared this kind of "teaching".

After all, this was considered the absolute humiliation of an angel. One of the things that counted for status and respect was removed in the most brutal way.

It had been rumoured time and again that the court angels were aware of this punishment but had been instructed by Michael never to carry it out unless the offence was one of the highest magnitude.

And that had not been the case with Aziraphale!

For Crowley this meant one thing: Michael knew nothing about it.

All this had been decided behind the back of the supreme court angel. A fact he consciously remembered, in case he could use it. Because whatever was going on here was definitely something that had not been done in the spirit of the greater good.

"You did it, my friend," Nathanael's gentle voice brought Crowley out of his thoughts, and he could see the young angel, with some small miracle, changing Aziraphale's clothes to finish. The worn, dirty, bloody linen gave way to a light blue, collarless shirt with a submarine neckline, as well as matching trousers of light fabric, which, however, soon disappeared again under the blanket that Nathanael placed over Aziraphale's hips.

"I'll get some more cold water and a rag for the fever!" announced Nathanael, and Crowley looked at them. "Down the corridor and then the second door on the left. There's the kitchen where you should find everything!" he advised her and with a grateful nod, she left the room.

With a sigh, Crowley tenderly stroked Aziraphale's cheeks with his fingers. At that moment, the angel's eyes opened again and stared at the ceiling before turning to Crowley.

Without a word, Aziraphale's ashen lips twisted and it was clear that he was struggling with his composure. A futile struggle, for tears began to stream down his cheeks and bitter sobs bored like needles into Crowley's heart.

Instinctively, he took one of Aziraphale's hands and squeezed. A gesture that was reciprocated, for the angel pulled the braid onto his chest and literally pressed it down on it. Crowley took this opportunity to sit down on a free spot on the mattress and put his free arm around Aziraphale.

To his amazement, Crowley felt no anger, no disappointment or sadness at that moment; he just wanted to be there for his angel. He laid his head on the Aziraphales. Again and again he tried to soothe him with soft sounds, stroking Aziraphales' shoulder with his free hand.

Crowley repeated the process tirelessly until Aziraphale finally collapsed again from exhaustion. The hand nevertheless still had a firm grip on Crowley's. What calmed Crowley was his angel's steady breathing and the fact that Aziraphale had almost buried himself in his torso.

He was asleep. Even if he whimpered softly from time to time, a small gesture from Crowley was enough for Aziraphale to calm down again. The demon himself caught himself taking a deep breath, now struggling with his own composure. He swallowed his own tears and caught himself with a clearing of his throat.

Just the thought that Heaven might have seen his reaction was enough to make him reconsider. This success, he would not begrudge them.

Crowley looked up when he heard the door to the room open. With a filled bowl and a rag in her hand, Nathanael entered the room and placed the things she had brought on the bedside table next to the bed. Even though she tried to hide her face as she did so, Crowley could see the clearly reddened skin around her nose and on her cheeks, as well as the irritated eyes.

It didn't take a genius to understand that the young angel had been crying too. A perfectly natural reaction. Hardly anyone was used to the cruelty of authority. Only Crowley held this privilege and although the demon was not at a loss for words, he did not take advantage of this opportunity.

On the contrary

Carefully, he removed his hand from the weave and offered it to Nathanael. She understood and placed hers in Crowley's palm, whereupon he leaned forward and placed a kiss on the back of her hand.

At Nathanael's puzzled look, he formed a silent "thank you" with his lips and then squeezed her hand again, which she now understood.

She nodded slightly and after Crowley had disengaged, she put her hand over her mouth and her narrowed eyes revealed that she had burst into tears again.

Crowley could interpret her reactions perfectly. After all, he had once been in her position too. Even if one harboured a certain antipathy towards one's creators, one still believed in the good in everything. Even a realistic view of things, could not save one from falling and the impact almost hurt more.

One wondered how one could be so stupid and naïve. Why one had not grasped the obvious.

Although the tears were still flowing, Nathanael broke away from her rigidity, grabbed a chair and then sat down at the bedside as well. She wrung out the dipped cloth and dabbed the sweat from Aziraphale's skin without destroying the bond between him and Crowley.

A gesture that slowly made Crowley doubt his own fears. Nathanael had shown no reaction when she had entered the room and found the two of them in this close constellation. To Crowley, it even seemed as if it had come naturally to her. In addition, she now looked at him questioningly, even as if she were asking for permission to stay in the room as well. Hesitantly, Crowley had nodded in the affirmative.