Everyday it's a-gettin' closer - English Version

Being human - Awakening

Time began to lose its importance the moment Aziraphale re-entered the room with Muriel. While the former angel sat back down on the chair, Nathanael and Muriel took turns. On the one hand to assist Aziraphale, on the other to check the area around the hospital.

Their attention was further increased when Aziraphale gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep at Crowley's side after Nathanael managed to convince him to eat something. Neither of the two angels dared to say anything. The mood was more than depressed and in the corner of their eyes they both followed what was happening outside the window of the room. They could only deduce that the night that had come had turned back into day by the increased appearance of staff.

It was only when Nathanael left the room again for another patrol that Aziraphale woke up when something stroked the back of his hand.

Slowly, Aziraphale straightened up and rubbed his eyes before looking at Crowley.

"I...did...so...not...die..."

Aziraphale's heart even threatened to leap out of his chest with joy. Crowley's dark brown eyes looked at him through two thin slits and his colourless lips had formed a smile.

"Dearest!" Aziraphale whooped in a whisper and gently took Crowley's face in his hands before placing a soft kiss on his forehead. One of these movements seemed to have been a little too frantic, however, because Crowley's face contorted briefly and a soft "Ow" could be heard.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!" Aziraphale said immediately.

"Boah...I take back everything about the laudanum rush AND the humanisation...I'm dizzy and everything hurts..." muttered Crowley slowly, pausing again and again.

"Crowley, this has nothing to do with either of those things...you..." Aziraphale stopped. Tears began to gather in his eyes. "I'm so sorry..." he found his words again and rested his forehead on Crowley's as he gently stroked his partner's cheeks with his thumb without moving the tube of the oxygen goggles.

"Please... don't... blame... yourself," Crowley asked quietly, gathering all his strength to place his hands on Aziraphale's cheeks. "But I think we all do," added Muriel, who had been watching the goings-on. She placed a hand on Crowley's shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Then...stop it, everyone...you can't...help it," Crowley grumbled into his non-existent beard and gestured for the two of them to sit down again.

"The...little one...?"

"Nathanael is doing a patrol around the hospital. She and I have agreed to do it. We don't want to take any chances," Muriel replied to Crowley's question and he nodded in understanding.

"Crowley...I..."

"...not..." the man he was addressing immediately interrupted his partner and shakily clasped Aziraphale's hand.

"...no apology...no reproach!" he emphasised again and placed his free hand on his neck. "Is talking tiring?" Aziraphale asked anxiously and Crowley nodded slowly.

"Must still be from the anaesthetic, I once read that it weakens the body even more!"

Everyone looked towards the door, where Nathanael was standing at the doorframe and then entered the room. Her relief was also clearly written on her face and she walked towards the foot of the bed, where she leant on the railing and gave Crowley a sympathetic look, whereupon he gave Aziraphale a quick glance.

"We shouldn't get the idea of reproaching ourselves. Muriel and I have already been admonished," Aziraphale understood the request and Nathanael raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to throw something at me again? I wouldn't recommend it at the moment," she commented unimpressed and Crowley snorted in response.

As Aziraphale was about to speak again, the door to the room opened again and the doctor from the day before entered the room. After a brief greeting, she examined Crowley, who was surprisingly calm and even thanked her after the doctor had left.

"...was apparently lucky..." Crowley concluded and Aziraphale confirmed this with a vigorous nod. "Luck, and Nathanael. She acted incredibly quickly," he added to his gesture. "Now give me a break. It wasn't that important," she tried to sweep the issue under the carpet and looked out of the window, lost in thought. A deep wrinkle had formed on her forehead and her eyes looked dim.

Withdrawing her gaze, Crowley squeezed Aziraphale's hand to get his attention. The pair looked at each other for a while and the unsuspecting Muriel didn't realise that such a dialogue was taking place between them. Aziraphale ended it with a nod.

"Muriel, would you accompany me to the cafeteria? I'm getting hungry!"

"Of course," Muriel confirmed and Aziraphale waved away Nathanael's questioning look. The duo left the room and only then did Nathanael slowly realise what was happening.

"Is the lecture coming now?" she mumbled, looking at Crowley, who said nothing, straightened up with a distorted look and then held out a hand. "Crowley..." Nathanael sighed, but walked to the side of the bed, took Crowley's hand and sat down on the chair.

However, she avoided looking the former demon in the eye, which he noticed immediately.

"Eye contact!" he demanded hoarsely, and Nathanael did as she was told. What Crowley then saw was an open book. Even someone who knew next to nothing about emotions could clearly read what was going on inside Nathanael. Fear, reproach, anger - an unhealthy mixture that Crowley knew only too well. "I couldn't do anything...!" Nathanael hissed and her face began to take on a reddish colour.

"Little one..."

"...No! Not little one!" Nathanael immediately fought back, letting go of Crowley's hand, standing up and starting to pace back and forth in the room. Her hands were tangled in her hair and her gaze was fixed on the floor.

"You could have died! Bloody hell! What am I an angel for if I can't help! What do I have this power for if I'm not allowed to use it? This is insane! What am I good for? For nothing! For absolutely nothing!"

Breathing heavily after her outburst, she stared at Crowley, who took a deep breath and lay back down more comfortably. "Are you finished?" she asked almost tonelessly and Nathanael massaged her temples briefly before sitting back down on the chair. "Yes, I'm ready," she confirmed.

"...you're great...you know that?" Torn from her emotional world, Nathanael, stared at Crowley, stunned. "...you see me too!" The gears in Nathanael's brain began to turn hastily and after a brief silence, it dawned on her. The blush of anger gave way to a paler red of shame and she immediately hid her face in her hands. "Oh damn," she whispered through the cracks of her fingers. Once she had collected herself, she lowered her hands and caught sight of a slight smirk playing around Crowley's colourless lips.

"So much for my theory that you wouldn't have heard me..." Nathanael muttered, scratching his mop of hair in embarrassment as Crowley's gaze turned serious again. "Do you really think that?"

"... that I'll do anything to protect you? Of course," Nathanael replied, and was puzzled when Crowley shook his head. "No... that... that I'm the first thing you can truly call a best friend..."

"Yes...yes I really think so." Nathanael's voice had become soft and for the first time in a long time, she was now smiling too.

"Then...then I'd like to be," Crowley stuttered out in a low, trembling voice as he opened his arms.

"Really now?"

"I'm badly wounded, overtired and emotional! Let me!" grumbled Crowley and with a slight chuckle, Nathanael stood up, bent down and hugged Crowley tenderly.