Everyday it's a-gettin' closer - English Version

The Return - The Us Exists

Crowley winced briefly as Aziraphale took a deep breath and shifted slightly. "Angel?" asked Crowley in a whisper, stroking the back of Aziraphale's hand with his thumb. Sure enough, the latter opened his eyes a crack and looked at the demon.

"Crowley..." the angel exhaled in relief and pressed his hand against his chest again. His voice had been barely audible. It was hoarse, whispery, and weak.

"How do you feel?"

In response, Aziraphale just shook his head briefly before contorting his face in pain. Immediately, Crowley placed his free hand on Aziraphale's forehead and felt the heat coming off him. He took the rag out of the cold water again and gently cooled Aziraphale's skin with it.

As he did so, he noticed that Aziraphale's eyes, though tired and only half open, did not turn away from him.

"You're still there...", Aziraphale immediately explained himself and Crowley sighed. "Of course I'm still there. Why wouldn't I be there?"

"Because of...what I did to you..."

Crowley took a deep breath. Immediately, the images ran before his mind's eye. Omnipresent again became the pain of betrayal and being alone. The false impressions that he was worth nothing as he was.

"You betrayed me..." he began softly, "you betrayed what we had...my trust...us...you failed me!"

The last part slipped from Crowley's mouth like the hiss of a snake, which he instantly regretted. Ashamed, he even clapped a hand over his mouth and squinted his eyes.

To the demon's surprise, Aziraphale remained calm. However, his face showed incomprehension and sadness at the same time.

"Why then..."

Crowley slowly lowered his hand, moistened his lips, and briefly puffed out his cheeks before answering:

"Do you really think I feel and care so little for you that I'm just going to give up all that we've built up over 6,000 years?" Without meaning to, tears gathered in Crowley's eyes. The fear that Aziraphale thought so little of him again had clasped itself around his heart like an ice-cold hand. Moreover, there was a certain uneasiness added to this, as Aziraphale almost pierced him with his feverish eyes.

"...and I always thought I was the smarter of the two of us...", the angel smiled sadly and Crowley could only reply. As he closed his eyes, he suddenly felt Aziraphale's hand on his cheek.

"You are still as beautiful as the day I just threw away our "Us"!"

As Crowley opened his eyes again, he saw Aziraphale's face approaching his. Although his disappointment, anger, and fear screamed out internally, the demon ignored them and let his angel have his way. For what happened next was something he had waited so long for.

Aziraphale's lips sealed with his and their foreheads rested on each other. A kiss that happened on the angel's initiative. For the first time, Aziraphale, showed Crowley that his impressions had not been wrong after all.

The teasing, the eye contact, the touching, the words spoken - the love. No apparent fallacy of his clouded thoughts. The "us" was now more than real.

For this reason, tears now found their way down his cheeks and Crowley now placed his hand on the back of Aziraphale's head. One kiss turned into several and they were only interrupted after Aziraphale winced after another wave of pain.

"Sorry..." he whispered afterwards, ashamed, and Crowley immediately shook his head. "Not for this, angel! Please! Yes not for this!" he spoke urgently afterward, helping Aziraphale to lie down more comfortably again.

"I think...this is my just..."

"No! We'll stop this right now!" interrupted Crowley, Aziraphale instantly, "No one deserves that! Especially not you! If you believe that, then you're also proving them right, which they don't have. Got it?!"

Aziraphale's tired eyes had widened. He had not expected such a forceful appeal. Touched by Crowley's immediate reaction, the angel now felt his dams breaking once again. He leaned his head against Crowley's chest and the demon tenderly put his arms around him.

"You just...just...," Aziraphale cried, stammering, and Crowley kissed him on the light blond mop of hair.

"I know," he whispered, "I know...and we will find a way to restore your dignity. We've always found a way so far, then this will be no exception to that!"

Aziraphale's bitter sobs, bored into his chest like a sharp dagger each time. Over and over again his heart almost burst and only the thought of being there for his angel made him stay rational.

"Now if you had also said...that you would have let me...," Aziraphale thought aloud, clasping Crowley's hand to press it against his chest once again, "...I'm so sorry..."

Crowley could say nothing in reply. The lump in his throat was so thick by now that he couldn't get a word out. Instead, he kissed Aziraphale on the head and just snuggled up to his angel.

Again, Crowley had to reflect. The mixture that was beginning to boil inside him was becoming more and more unhealthy. Along with the joy of finally having what he had longed for so long, the rage and his own grief grew stronger and stronger.

After all, his most precious thing was being violated here, yet he had to be the voice of reason. A situation that did not necessarily happen often and certainly not in this setting.

For this reason, he didn't even notice at first that Aziraphale had fallen asleep in his arms from exhaustion. And although Crowley would have preferred to simply stay next to him, he had to leave the room for a brief moment.

With a goose step, he ran into the business section of the bookstore and put on his sunglasses. Even though he was alone, he wanted to protect himself. He didn't want anyone to see what was going on inside him.

Like a nervous animal, he began pacing up and down the shelves. He was shaking all over and it was hard for him to catch his breath. Tears were once again streaming down his cheeks and the corners of his mouth had turned down low to the ground.

"Damn...damn...damn...," he whispered like a mantra, trying to regain his sanity with small pats on his cheek. However, in addition to the trembling, his legs began to give way, whereupon he leaned against the wall and sank onto his buttocks. He angled his legs, crossed his arms, and bedded the braid on his knees to hide his face in it. His heart thumped painfully against his rib cage and his lungs gave almost no breath.

All this that just happened here had not been in his plan at all. Of course he thanked all the powers that be that he had Aziraphale back, but the price was far too high. Of course, Crowley had demonized the angel several times in his head, but he never wanted that to come to reality. They had been petty phrases he had mulled over in his rage.

"Crowley?"

The addressed man did not look up, but even remained petrified in his position. Immediately he had recognized Nathanael's voice and could hear something being deposited on the work table. Then came the approaching footsteps. Beside him, with a yet a healthy distance, he now felt the presence of the angel.

"Breathe in, count to ten slowly, and then breathe out again." Crowley did not look up. Due to the tightness in his chest, he didn't manage to answer either, but he was able to take the well-intentioned advice from her and did, immediately began to follow the instructions. He took a deep breath, counted to ten and then blew the air out through his mouth.

Startled, however, the demon flinched when he felt something on his back. After the initial shock, he was able to assign this as a hand, and to his own surprise, Crowley did not bat it away or turn away.