Everyday it's a-gettin' closer - English Version

The Return - Friends

"OW..damn...who would have thought that would hurt so much...", Nathanael hissed, as Crowley ran the holy water over her hand, which disappeared reddish discoloured in the sink's drain. Because of the long thermos, Crowley himself had enough distance so that he came to no harm. After Nathanael had told him the story about the injury, he felt all the more responsible to look after her.

"A punishment marvel of the highest order - miserable bastard! I'll say one thing for him, he really is the best at what he does..." growled Crowley, taking out a pack of gauzes he'd found in the small first aid kit Aziraphale was required by human regulations to keep as shopkeeper.

"Put them on right away so these will absorb some more of the holy water. That way it can continue to work for a little while," he advised Nathanael and she did as she was told. While Crowley got the bandage ready, she placed the troughs on the wound and cleaned the fluid from the rest of the skin.

"Let me see!" Crowley rolled up the bandage so that he could fasten it around Nathanael's hand.

"I shouldn't have threatened him. Wasn't the smartest move I ever made, I've had much better ones ready," Nathanael muttered and Crowley took a deep breath. "Especially not because of me. Wouldn't have thought our esteemed court angel was such a sensitive one, though!"

Crowley fixed the bandage with tape, feeling Nathanael's piercing gaze. When he looked her in the eye, he caught a dark look that even made him wince.

"What do you mean, not because of me?" indignantly, Nathanael shook his head in bewilderment, "Yes, it is! Because of you! That bastard clearly told me that he would have done something to you long ago if there weren't other things going on! He had publicly threatened to harm you! Surely I couldn't let that stand!"

"Yes and look what happened! He made it clear what he thought of your threat!" returned Crowley no less firmly, holding up Nathanael's joined hand symbolically. Nathaniel himself, pressed his lips together briefly and freed himself from Crowley's grip.

"Perhaps...but..." She got no further when she saw Crowley's downturned mouth corners and sombre gaze.

The demon snorted briefly and stowed everything back in the box. As he did so, Nathanael could see the seriousness in his eyes. At the same time, however, Crowley's hands trembled.

"Crowley...I..."

"You already do far too much, Nathanael. More than could be expected of you...", Crowley began, after closing the box, "If you're doing all this for Aziraphale...okay...you're in his debt in your eyes and you have a history together...but you don't have to commit such foolishness because of me!"

"And why not?", Nathanael challenged him and Crowley's mouth fell open. "What if I don't think you're so bad in the short time I've been here? What if I think you're worth protecting? What if I see what you do for me, too? How you oppose your own nature because you see what I, in turn, do for you? What then? Then I want to do such "stupid things" because of you. No - I MUST even commit such "stupidities" because of you!"

Nathanael's voice remained calm but firm. Each of her words held its own weight, pelting down on Crowley.

"You..." he tried to start, but fell silent.

There it was again. That lump in his throat that formed every time he tried to reveal his inner self. When he tried to communicate clearly what exactly was going on inside him. For a brief moment, he felt reminded again of the "goodbye" to Aziraphale. Of that helplessness when he had tried to make his angel understand that he loved him and wanted to spend the rest of his days with him.

Even if the situation was not the same, the feeling was. The more Crowley got to know Nathanael, the stronger the need to protect the young angel became.

It wasn't the kind of love Crowley felt for Aziraphale, but his heart began to open to Nathanael.

With a loud clearing of his throat, he pushed down the lump in his throat and took a deep breath.

"Listen, little one," he then began again, "what you are doing...rarely has anyone else done such a thing for me. Maybe not even Aziraphale, but I don't like to remember that far back. You are trying everything so that I, and Aziraphale too, can get our beloved old life back. You risk so much and you've already lost your home. I know that technically it never was one for you, but it's the gesture that counts. And now you've put your physical condition at risk too! That could have gone mighty wrong!"

After Crowley's announcement, it was now Nathanael who didn't know what to say. She swallowed and stood silently.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this but...," Crowley reflected for a moment and then looked deeply into Nathanael's eyes, "...no one has ever made me mouth the word 'friend' so quickly. But you already are to me - apparently. A friend. I pretended for too long with Aziraphale that it wasn't possible for an angel and a demon to form a bond...I've learned that lesson by now! So: I think we both make a good team and I want it to stay that way! So now you can do what you want with it! I said what I wanted to say!"

Crowley tilted his head in surprise as Nathanael crossed her arms and laughed slightly as her eyes grew dim again. Not exactly the reaction he had expected.

"It takes a demon...for me to finally hear something like that...a goddamn demon..." she began softly afterwards, "millennia of years I am old. But be it human, apostle...disciple...or angel...no one has ever really mouthed the word 'friend' or indeed 'girlfriend' in reference to my personality. Comrade, colleague...yes...but never the F-word. Even the boss's son and his followers had never called me that. Sure you could consider my relationship with Aziraphale...but that is not the same in my eyes. He is...like a father figure to me, calling me 'sprout' and not friend. And now you come and...please don't take the "demon" comment the wrong way. I mean no harm...but...this irony is just too delightful..."

Nathanael's mouth quirked briefly. She took a deep breath to collect herself and slowly released the entanglement.

"You're really making me speechless right now, Crowley..." she smiled sadly and puffed out her cheeks, "...or at least you're making me stammer. And then first you talk about how you're not worth defending!"

Nathanael braced her hands on her hips and shook her head endlessly. "Oh, fuck it!" she waved her arms away, walking up to Crowley in a rush and hugging him at a pace that the demon hadn't even gotten around to deflecting the gesture.

"Thank you," Nathanael whispered softly and slowly, now Crowley too put his arms around her. As if guided by a foreign hand, he rested his head on her shoulder and sighed in relief.

"Next time, please think before you extend a threatening finger to a courtroom angel," he admonished nonetheless, but with a certain mischievousness in his voice, so that Nathanael laughed. "I will, my friend," she added to her gesture and nestled her head against Crowley's chest.