You Frustrate Me Incredibly

I lost. You lost. Everybody fucking lost.

I sit down sunk into my desk. The lesson is boring. I don't really bother to pay attention. I just fidget the pencil in my hand wondering off.

The weather is sunny outside but it's not too warm. It's the perfect combination. I love this weather. Sunny like summer and cool like autumn. The classrooms have gotten a lot more quiet. It's weird, honestly. Everything's different. I really try to lay low, but it gets hard to when everyone has it out for me. That of course, because of the police report. Even I know that the work they did with Chrissy's case was bullshit. They didn't know what they were doing. They were just pointing fingers. And now we gotta suffer because of that.

The hammering sound of the bell drills into my ears as it rings snapping me out of my thoughts. It's lunch time. I swiftly head over to my locker and put back my things to go to the cafeteria. I haven't really been sitting in the cafeteria. Lately, I just get some food and go outside to eat. I'm not really that hungry though. I'll probably just go out for a smoke. But first a stop to the restroom.

I shut my locker and head to the bathroom. I walk in and set my bag on the sink. I take out my pain pills and shove two down. It's not enough though. It never is now.

I take a deep breath looking at myself in the mirror. Why did everything have to turn to shit? I feel tears start to fill my eyes. But I hold back. I can't break down here. I sigh deeply leaning over the sink. I pick myself up and step out the door.

"Shi-" I call out as I'm pushed back against the wall with force. It's Jason. He looks at me furiously.

"You", he says with madness in his voice

"What do you want?", I say panting from the adrenaline that's kicking in. I'm scared, but I try not to show it.

He doesn't answer. He just stares into my soul. He wants to hurt me. I can see it in his eyes. I feel my hands start to tremble as I notice people start to gather around the scene. They don't even do anything.

"Yeah! Get the fucking bitch, man!", a guy calls out and some other assholes start to cheer on

"Freak beating here!", someone shouts in the crowd as if announcing it.

I hate people.

"Okay", I say with a tremble in my voice "I'm not gonna bother by telling you that I'm innocent and so is Eddie", he tightens his hold on my shoulders and feeling my wound sting I squint my eyes "Cause I know you won't believe me", I continue "But either way...beating the shit outta me is not gonna make you feel better", I pause "And you know it"

"And why should I let you off the hook?", he says with gritted teeth

"Because there is no fucking hook", I gritt my teeth swiftly escaping from his hold but he comes after me while the other guys block my way

"You may not have done the crime, but your little ally sure mad-"

"Shut your fucking mouth!", I shoot back cutting into his sentence and everyone goes silent "There was no fucking crime!", he stops and steps back "But yeah, sure. It would be aaaall so convenient if there was. If he was to blame. If he was the monster, well, he's not. But you know what you are? You're a coward. Cause you jump into the first conclusion that is brought to your plate all so effortlessly. Well, let me fucking tell you something, life is not that easy. You actually have to dig to get to the bottom of it all. You don't get to point your finger to whoever is closer just to make yourself feel better. Just because it's the easiest path for you. No", I firmly hold up my finger as I feel my eyes burning from the tears I'm holding back "Sorry to break it to you, but you are not the only one who's having a hard time. You lost. I lost. Everybody fucking lost. And you don't get to dump your shit mess all-over others just to take the weight off yourself. That's not how it works"

Everyone is quiet. No one talks back. They know I'm right, they're just too proud to admit it. They're all just looking at me angrily. But, I can see Jason's glare slightly soften.

I look around at the other people watching. Some seem convinced. Most are just angry. But I really don't care. I step away and push through the crowd. I rush to the exit door and go outside. Immediately, I let out a sigh leaning back against the wall. I can't hold back anymore. I fold. I slowly sit down on the ground with my back on the wall letting my cries echo out.

Something tells me that I got to Jason. But, either way, I really don't give a shit. As long as he and his mates leave me the fuck alone, I don't care what they think of me.

"Y/N!", I hear a voice call out as they push through the door

It's Robin. She looks at me sitting on the ground and she crouches down to my level. She puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Y/N, I saw what happened, are you okay?", she says and I feel more tears flooding my eyes

I look up at her with my bloodshot eyes and she's giving me that sympathetic look. She brings me in for a hug and I hug her back whipping.

"It's okay. It's over. You- you let them have it", she says consoling me

I just cry in her shoulder letting out everything I had been holding back

"Robin", I say through my choked up tears

"Yes?", she says still hugging me

"Could you cover for me at the next lesson?", I don't want to go. I need to relax a little.

"You sure? I can stay if you want", she pulls back looking at me

"No, I'll uh...I'll be okay", I wipe my watery nose "I just need a moment for now"

She gently rubs my arm giving me a reasuring look

"Okay", she nods "Com' on", she stands up pulling me with her and I give her a thankful smile

She glances at the headphones around my neck

"How are the headphones?"

"Great, thank you again", I say sniffing my nose

"No worries", she says as the bell rings "Shoot. I gotta go, but I'll see you after class", she gives me a quick squeeze on th arm and rushes in the school.

People are fucking stupid. Presumptuous blind douchebags.