Cure

Chapter Sixteen

Amity

I'd spent so much time staring at the ceiling I could probably recreate it from memory at this point. Every crack, indent, and more; all engraved in my mind. I hated how I had the time to grow to know my cell for everything it provided me. It was cold and gifted me with a visual reminder of how trapped I was. How trapped we were. Luz and I were stuck in this lab with no idea of what came next or if the other was okay or not. I hated how quiet it could get and how it allowed my thoughts and doubts and fears to become so loud. So, like I had grown the habit of doing as of late to stay sane, I began to talk out loud to myself. Or, in my case Luz, even when I knew she couldn't hear me.

"Luz," I started in a whisper. "I don't know what I'm doing." I sighed and close my eyes to regain some sense of strength. "I wanted to tell you how..." I froze and opened my eyes. I took in a shaky breath as tears built into my eyes. Blinking, I let them trail down my face. How much you mean to me. I'd only been able to finish in my head. Not brave enough to say such out loud. "I'm just so lost, Luz. I need you for things to make sense. But I got us into this mess and I have no idea if you're okay. And..." I choked up. "It's killing me, Luz. It's tearing me apart on the inside." I admitted, bringing my hand up to my heart and brunching up my shirt with it.

I had needed something to hold onto, to ground me into this moment and keep me here, in this painful present. A present that had so many questions and so much fear for the answers that went with them. "I should've handled finding out the truth better. I was just so scared." I could feel my heart racing beneath my shirt as I thought of learning about and seeing that side of Luz. "Usually you have the answers and I wish I did. God, I wish I did." I whispered before letting go of my shirt and letting out a long breath.

But once things grew quiet again I was left with my thoughts and having an idle mind was never a good sign for me. "What if you're not okay?" I asked myself, filling that void, that silence, with my worries instead. "I couldn't handle it if that were true. I'd go crazy." I pushed myself up into a sitting position because laying still was not helping. Doing nothing was not helping. "I'm going crazy now," I admitted, running my fingers through my hair anxiously.

"I lost so many people when this started. I even lost you once." I paused and let those words linger in the air before I went on. "I can't do that again. You're so important to me Luz. You're all I have left right now." I pushed myself from the bed to stand and pace instead. To get out this nervous energy flowing within me. "I don't know where my family is but I want to find them with you. And I want..." I trailed off as I stopped in front of the bars of my cell.

"You once said that I didn't know you, but you're wrong Luz. I know you better now than I had before I found out. And I know I'll only grow to know you more." I brought my hands up to the bars and gripped them tightly in my hands. "If I don't know you..." I stopped to lean forward and press my forehead against the bars. "If I don't know you," I started this time with more strength, "then I know nothing." I felt another tear roll down m cheek and I let it and remained still.

"So please, when we find each other within this mess, forgive me. I'll do it right this time. I promise." I pushed away from the door to my cell and took a few steps back. A drift of cool air went passed me and I rubbed my arms seeing as goosebumps formed on them. I made my way back to the bed and sat on it letting out a long, defeated sigh as I shrunk in on myself. "There is so much to be scared of, but that part of you isn't one of them. I trust you, Luz. You're my hope. And I know I sound crazy talking like this to myself right now but I needed to say this all out loud." I needed her to know and I was scared it was already too late to tell her any of it.

I laid back on my bed and found myself with the same view of the ceiling as before. "So please be okay," I begged in a weak, pleading tone of voice.

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