I heard the pounding of his footsteps staggering through the front door. Drunk again. It was the middle of the week, but that never stopped his perfect attendance at happy hour.
I held my breath when I heard his steps stop at the base of the staircase. Nothing was up here for him, except me. I hugged my knees to my chest on my bed, trying my best to focus my hearing on if he would start up the steps or turn around and pass out on the couch.
It was the night before my 16th birthday. I had grown into my breasts and thighs and felt like a piece of meat whenever I walked past my stepdad. This made me opt to wear nothing but oversized hoodies and baggy sweats in the house, in an attempt to defeminize myself as much as possible. He didn't like that.
"You shouldn't hide what God gave you," he would tell me, "This is how you get a man and keep a man. Don't be shy."
I closed my eyes in disappointment when I heard his boot hit the first step. Quickly turning off my lights and throwing myself under the comforter, I thought if he saw me sleeping, he would decide to leave me alone. I heard his heavy, ragged breathing approaching my door, followed by the unmistakable sound of him unzipping his pants and kicking them off at his feet.
He opened my door slowly. I was faced away but could see his shadow grow larger as the hallway light illuminated him from behind on the wall I was looking at.
"I know you ain't sleep, birthday girl," he said in a low, husky voice, "I got a early gift for you."
I didn't move. I didn't breathe. I continued to watch his shadow grow as he slugged toward my bed. The weight of the mattress became displaced when he forced his knees into the bed, tracing his hand on top of the comforter from the bottom of my foot to my waist. He snickered at my attempt to mask my uneven breathing.
The hair on my body stood up as he ripped the sheets off of me, exposing my skin to the cold room air. I was still turned away, but my senses alerted me to how close he was getting, making my heartbeat faster and faster.
He slithered his hand around my neck and yanked me toward him, making the back of my head press against his chest. His grip around my neck tightened and he lowered his lips to my ear.
"Don't fight back. That's only gone make me want you more."
I pressed my eyes shut and felt him throw me on my back. His bottom half was already undressed, and he was making sure mine was too.
"Indica? You okay?"
He dropped his weight on top of me and forced himself inside me. It was my natural, human reaction to push him off of me.
"Get off me!"
I saw him clench his jaw in anger, now pressing his hands against my shoulders so I was pinned to the bed. I struggled as I tried to free myself, but he had at least 150 pounds on me.
"Didn't I tell you not to fight?" he asked through bulging eyes.
But I didn't stop fighting. I squirmed and wiggled my hardest until one shoulder came loose from his hold.
"Indica! Wake up!"
I maneuvered as vigorously as I could until my other shoulder was released. I shoved my fingers in his eyes which made him stumble backwards, but before I could even make it off of the bed, he threw me back down. He wrapped both hands firmly around my neck and pushed my head against the pillow. I clawed at his hands as air quickly escaped my lungs and my vision started going spotty.
"You safe, Indica, it's me!" I heard Nas' distant voice say.
I took a sharp inhale of air when my eyes shot open. A body with my stepdad's face hovered over me, with strong hands holding my shoulders. I continued to kick and push my way off the bed.
