Glass House

THIRTY-THREE

I rushed into the coffee shop with a million things spilling from my hands. I snoozed my alarm 4 times and if I wasn't on a warning for being late to therapy, I would've happily slept through today's session.

Without a word, Orien placed my coffee in a cardboard carrier and I took it with a spare finger.

"Are you coming to game night tonight?" He shouted as I scurried to the back.

Fuck. I forgot that was tonight. Tabitha started hosting game nights twice a year when she was running for Magistrate. It started as strictly a PR stunt, but we fell into the habit even after she'd won.

Tonight, there'd be myself and Nas, Orien and a few of his friends, Tabitha and a few of her employees, and Fallon and her son. Charlie was in Paris with Lacoste curating her Summer catalogue, so I was relieved to know there would be no awkwardness.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. I'll be there," I replied absentmindedly.

"Okay, because Charlie is back from Paris."

I couldn't hear what he said through the screech of the metal doors opening in front of me, but I didn't have time to stop and chat so I opted for a vague reply, "Fine, yeah! We'll come in through the side."

"That's not what I sa—!"

"—See you later, O!"

As quietly as I could, I hurriedly pushed all of my items into my tote before sliding into my usual spot and hanging the bag on the back of my chair. I let out a short breath and took a much needed sip of coffee. Orien makes it perfectly every time.

"Wagwan, class! Everybody irie?" Quin asked as she emerged from the side door.

We looked at her plainly, and a few snickered at her horrible attempt at Jamaican patois. I was happy Nas had moved to 1-on-1's because I fear that man would not have held back his thoughts.

"Y'all haven't been practicing y'all's patois? Jamaica is in less than 2 weeks, ladies and gentlemen!" Quin sighed.

A smile grew on my face as I took another sip of coffee. He had spent the past few days detailing everything we'd be doing in Jamaica as a way to take my mind off my dad for a while.

It was hard to believe it had been a week since my dad showed up to my apartment after not seeing him for years. I didn't know what to believe. Nas had initially said he wanted to keep our plans a surprise for me, but he gave in after seeing how much I needed a mental escape. He still has a few things up his sleeve, but I'm in full vacation mode.

"Well, you all have no choice but to forgive me for that offensive accent because today we'll be learning about forgiveness."

Perfect timing, I said to myself as my eyes rolled.

"Now, let me be clear: I am not one of those therapists that's gonna tell y'all to 'forgive and forget'. I think that's bullshit. For the things you all have been through, you have a right to be angry. You have a right to hold a grudge. But what's more important than that right, is your obligation to yourself. Your obligation to treat yourself kindly and with care. So, when I say forgive, I don't mean right now. I don't even mean a year from now. But to keep it straight with y'all, the only closure you need comes from yourself. Waiting for an apology, or waiting for someone to give you closure means that they still have control over the situation."

"Listen to me," she continued, "this is your life. No one has a say in your life but you. Forgive yourself for all the times you blamed yourself. Stop thinking of forgiveness as 'losing' a battle or thinking it means you're okay with what happened. On the contrary, forgiveness means you, and only you, are calling the shots in your life. It is such a freeing feeling."