Trust me..

Chapter 21 🤍🤍

"Sophie what did you do ?!" Finn shouts.

"I-I don't know Finn please help me !" I scream.

"Sophie you promised ! I fucking hate you! You self harmed again and you are purging! Don't talk to me again! You clearly don't trust me!" Finn says.

My vision starts to get blurry "f..Finn.." and then everything goes black.

And I wake up sweating and panting.

I look over bad Finn is peacefully sleeping beside me. He looks so cute.

I checked the time and it was quarter to 5 so I get up. More time to get ready and cook I guess.

I go down the stairs and get a drink of cold water. I look outside and I feel so peaceful. In a way I feel okay. But I'm cold at the same time so I pick up Finns hoodie from the couch and put it on. It smells like him.

I go up to the bathroom and take a shower. It'd nice and warm. I step out the shower and stop at the mirror and look at myself.

Right now I feel skinny. But to skinny. Like I look like a dead body. I don't want to look like this anymore.

But I don't want to look like some fat girl either. Do I eat more ?? Or do I just stay like this??

I get back into Finns jumper and go to my room to get some jeans.

I walk in and Finn is still sleeping. He needs this right now. He needs to feel okay.

I'm looking at all my jeans. And all of a sudden hate the feeling of my jeans. They feel wrong. Like there the wrong texture and there dirty and they won't fit right.

But then I remember that when I was 13 I got thick leggings for the winter. They stoped fitting when I get fat but maybe they will fit again ?

I put them on and look at myself in the mirror in my room.

Now I remember what I don't want to look like. My thighs look huge.

"You look really good in my jumper and you look really good in general.. stop worrying" I hear Finn say lightly.

"Go back to sleep" I say softly to him and sit right beside him.

"Why are you up so really ?" Finn asks in his adorably sleepy voice.

"I had a bad dream so I got up early." I say.

"What was your dream about?" Finn asks.

I am not telling him.

"Oh you know.. those normal scary dreams where all your teath fall out" I say.

He pulls a face like he knows I'm lying but he is also still to tired to ask so I kiss him on the head and he falls back asleep.

I do my makeup and by that time my hair is dry so I straighten it.

I go back down stairs and start making breakfast. I start making pancakes with honey and a side of banana and strawberries.

When u first ever self-harmed I did a lot of reaserch on how to stop yourself from self harming and one of the tips was to cut things up so you would not hurt yourself.

I liked to cut strawberries because the juice was like blood and the strawberries where like my skin. It didn't help.

While I'm dishing out the first batch of pancakes I hear Josh and Jack coming down the stairs.

"Morning boys. I'm just dishing out pancakes right now go sit down" I say.

I give them there pancakes and start making another batch and then my dad and his feonće comes down. And my dad is on a good mood. Is she chainging him on a good way ?