𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 | 𝘕𝘔𝘐𝘟𝘟 𝘏𝘈𝘌𝘓𝘠

chapter 1: what is this?

(y'all pls don't come after me i've never watched a fan meet/fan sign so idk how they do this so just bear with me plz)

haewon pov

it was time to go out and do the fan meet/fan sign and i was so excited to get to see nswer again! i was feeling good today and overall was having a great day so i really hope the fan sign goes well.

i looked over to the girls and they all also looked excited too. my eyes landed on lily unnie while she was looking at her phone and my heart fluttered for some reason...i smiled without thinking before she took her eyes off of her phone and we made eye contact. i quickly turned away and pretended i was looking at something funny on my phone because i couldn't get this stupid smile off of my face.

i tried to calm down and sat down, sighing.

i heard someone approaching me and the familiar scent made my heart skip a beat.

"haewonie are you okay? you don't look so good" lily unnie asked me as i looked up at her trying to figure out what to reply to her with.

"o-oh yeah, i'm just pretty nervous i guess?" i stuttered...

I STUTTERED AHH

i can't believe i just stuttered in front of her! come on i never stutter! what is wrong with me today?! first, i keep on looking over at lily unnie, second i keep on blushing and smiling when i do, and third i'm starting to stutter whenever she talks to me?!

someone end me already!

"oh, okay. don't let it get to you, everything will be fine don't worry, haewonie!" she put her hand on my shoulder and sat down next to me. i could feel my heart beating rapidly and it literally would not stop.

but to make that worse, she laid her head on my shoulder and went on social media while i tensed up. i tried to calm down but it was basically impossible so i suddenly got up

"i'm gonna go to the bathroom before we go! i'll be quick!" i speed walked to the bathroom and quickly closed the door behind me. i sighed and could feel my knees going weak.

what is happening to me?! i thought as i looked in the mirror, my face obviously red even under my makeup. i held onto my chest hoping my heart would slow down as i thought about lily unnie.

her big dark eyes, her short pink hair, her cute bangs, her voice, her scent, her cute smile, her obsession with books and movies, the way she tries to defend herself from our teasing but just ends up looking cute, and her presence in all.

i realized what i was thinking about and slapped myself.

ugh! stop oh haewon! what is going on with you today!

i stopped my thoughts and remembered that i was supposed to be quick, but i have spent at least 3 minutes in here and i heard one of our managers call my name and knock on the door

"haewon? are you almost finished? it starts in 10 minutes."

"oh yeah! sorry!" i opened the door and walked back to where the girls were.

"yah oh haewon what took so long?" i heard kyujin say as i sat down where lily was previously sitting at maybe about 20 minutes ago.

"yeah what happened? did you just take a stress poopoo?" bae joined in laughing

"yah! i did not! i was only gone for like 3 minutes!"

"it felt wayyy longer than that though..." kyujin said laughing

"well it wasn't." i rolled my eyes as i opened my phone and went onto instagram.

--

after the fan meet

i left the stage, looking happy a joyful but i'm glad i'm good at faking my emotions. i was so sad but angry at the same time. throughout the entire meet lily unnie got absolutely no gifts. i felt so bad for her but i was so angry at those "nswers" no real nswer would completely ignore one of our members just because she's mixed.

it was so messed up but none of the members knew what to do. i could tell that lily unnie was sad and disappointed because she really isn't good at hiding her emotions, and it makes me so sad just thinking about the look on her face.

yeah, if you hadn't noticed yet, i'm very angry about all of this.

we are back in the room we were in before we started and i looked over at lily unnie, trying to hide my anger but it was nearly impossible seeing the look of disappointment on her face.

the other members immediately hugged her and she just tried to smile but it was a very weak "smile"

"it's okay. gifts are optional anyway...!"

"yeah, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't give you any!" kyujin said

"those really are not real nswers!" jiwoo added

i could see lily unnie was about to tear up but the members hugged her and i could see it comforted her a lot. i couldn't do anything but stand behind them staring like a kid who was about to tell their mom they puked at 3am.

i felt useless. i couldn't do anything, i couldn't confront them, i couldn't comfort her.

--

it was time to go back to the dorm and we were entering the van.

seating

sullyoon jiwoo bae
kyujin lily haewon

great. i was seated next to lily unnie today out of fates choice. i don't know what's happening to me today. i've been friends with lily unnie for years yet i've never felt like this until today. am i sick? why does lily unnie look different to me somehow?

i looked over to her while she is on her phone watching some "taylor swift 1989, reputation, and debut TV theories"she looks really interested in it but i'm really interested in her.

why does she look more...attractive? look, i'm straight. i like watching dramas with straight couples, and i have only liked guys, but that doesn't mean i have anything against the LGBTQ+ community.

well, i've never actually been in a relationship...sure i've had crushes before but they weren't actual crushes i would want to date because almost all my life i've been fixated on becoming an idol...but yeah, i've had crushes but they were all guys.

but maybe...what if i was bisexual?? what if i only liked lily unnie and that was it? what if i was lilysexual??? hold up...what am i saying!!! i swear i'm going crazy every time i look at her or even think of her.

"haewonie? are you okay? i noticed you've been staring for a while? you can't even understand what this girl in the video is saying haha" lily whispered in the slightly quiet car and i blushed. wait, was i already blushing though?

"huh? i-i don't know haha i guess unnie" if i was not blushing before, now i was. i am so confused right now i don't even know what's happening to me.

this feels like a teenage school girl crush but i know that if i tell anyone i could risk losing my job as an idol...i need this little crush to end already.

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thx for reading this chapter!! please vote!!