𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 | 𝘕𝘔𝘐𝘟𝘟 𝘏𝘈𝘌𝘓𝘠

chapter 12: only you

haewon pov

i was laying in bed when i suddenly got a message. i groaned and picked up my phone, seeing that the message was from bae jinsol in our nmixx group chat.

jinsol: HEYYY lily unnie why didn't you tell us you were having your solo debut soon??

jiwoo: for real, unnie! i only found out yesterday when it was announced to come out in december😢

lily: whoops sorry kekeke i wanted to keep it a secret!! i'm really happy with how my album came together so i'm excited for u guys to listen to it. i'll also get you guys all a copy of my album. you don't have a choice by the way, u have to take it🩷

jinsol: woohoo free album!! if u didn't say that you were giving us your album then i wouldve forced you to buy me one

sullyoon: same kekekeke

lily: what?! why would i not give you guys the album lol??

jinsol: i dont know, maybe you forgot or something. we all know how bad your memory is sometimes kekekeke

lily: and?!?! okay sometimes i forget things but not all the time!!

kyujin: im going on dnd

i smiled, remembering how lily unnie would easily forget things and curse at herself for her bad memory. i recalled times that small things would slip her mind and she would forget about them until we reminded her.

the only small things she ever remembered were things about me when we were together. god, thinking back on it, we dated so long ago. we started dating back in 2023-- the year after our debut, and the year that we released love me like this. the first song of ours to win an award.

even though its been about 11 years since we dated, i can still recall almost every moment with her, and everything about her too.
we havent seen each other in three years and i miss her so much. i made my solo debut last year and it was a total hit, and she congratulated me by text.

of course i was happy, but i was also so sad that she had congratulated me over text, and that she had to do that instead of coming to my house and telling me everything she loves about my songs and just loving me and my music.

instead, i got a "congratulations on making your solo debut, haewon-ah. you've improved so much". sure, i was a little sad with how she sent the text, but im glad i even got a text from her in the first place.

i miss her so much. i miss her so so so much i dont know if i can handle it anymore. everyday i woke up, she was the first thing on my mind. sometimes i would cry, sometimes i would smile. she was one of the only things that i had gotten up everyday for. even though i never got to see her, i always got up and went to work for her.

it was surprising to me hearing that she and i were releasing an album in the same week.
she actually inspired one of the songs i'm writing for my next comeback in december. i honestly have been working on this song for months because of how much it hurts to think about how i ended things to abruptly with her.
i never wanted to talk or sing about our relationship because it hurt so much but writing this song somehow made me feel like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. i need to make this song perfect so it can appear on my next album because not all of the songs i write get put on the album.

i felt that it was about the right time to actually be brave and risk the public finding out about what we used to be or how my life has been without her.
im literally 30 so i might as well risk it all.