𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 | 𝘕𝘔𝘐𝘟𝘟 𝘏𝘈𝘌𝘓𝘠

chapter 9: for the sake of us

haewon pov

dear diary,
today, on december 10th, 2029, it's finally time that i write in here about mine and lily's relationship and what happened.

heres some background information:
when we became an item, she told me to "drop the honorifics" so i did. it was hard to get used to at first, but i was able to manage. i still used honorifics when the cameras are on and we were visible to the public eye, but other than that, i did drop the honorifics for her.

the girls found out about our relationship after about 2 weeks because they came home a little earlier than we thought when we fell asleep on the couch while cuddling, sharing a large blanket together.

anyway, we shared many laughs and smiles that day, it was like weights were lifted off of my shoulders knowing the girls didn't mind us being together and supported us.

now, onto the actual part:
when i woke up in the morning, i saw her beautiful face in front of mine, the blanket was halfway off of our tangled bodies, and although i woke up everyday with this, i was still hyper-aware of every part of my body that was touching hers, and every part of her body that was touching mine.

i remember giggling at the thought of myself still being completely smitten for the girl whose arms were around me and was always around me every morning. who knew that i would still be this whipped for her? me. i knew.

just as i giggled, i heard her groan and her eyes squeeze together. i froze, wondering if i had woken her by any chance.

she twisted and turned as her eyes fluttered open, meeting mine. i remember blushing at the sight of her tired eyes and she gave me a weak smile as she snuggled into my shoulder.

i had told her that we needed to get up and going because we had a schedule that day. it was the early morning, around 10am the time she mostly wakes up, and we had to record some things for content that we were making for the fans so they dont get too bored at noon for a few hours.

after we finished the recording, we got in the car and made our way to the place where the interview would be held, unnie had told me she was tired so she laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep.
she usually isn't able to fall asleep if she's not lying down, so i don't know how she managed to sleep like that on my shoulder.

when we got to the place, our managers led us in there and we started getting our makeup touched up again.

they had already set up chairs, so we sat there while the staff were setting things up, making sure everything is correct, etc.

i saw her talking to kyujin about the script as she read it, asking her what it meant and how they'll answer. since i already read through the script, i had nothing else to do other than play on my phone, but that was boring.

i would rather have been looking at her than watching my screen.
i remember her face was serious, and she giggled in embarrassment a little when she couldnt pronounce a word correctly

it was impossible for me not to smile when i saw her, yet it was almost impossible for me not to think about what would happen if we were found out about the company.
what would happen if we were exposed, what would happen if we lost our jobs.

almost every time i was with her, that's the thought that came to my mind everytime.
when we were having fun, when we were lying in bed, when we were kissing, when we were arguing over something stupid,
when we were together.

although being with her made me the happiest girl to exist, yet being with her also made me the most anxious.

she looked back at me and we locked eyes. she smiled at me which made me realize i was smiling while looking at her. i tried to get rid of my smile out of embarrassment, but it wouldnt come off, and i ended up looking stupid

she giggled at my attempt and looked back at the paper, carefully reading through the script.

fast forward, it was after the interview, which went pretty well and after the ride back to the dorm. i unlocked the door and the girls walked into the dorm, immediately going to the bathroom to remove their makeup.

since both of the bathrooms were occupied by atleast 2 members each, i didnt want to go into the small cramped bathrooms, so i decided to just go get ready to take a shower first. i thought i might as well just remove my makeup before i get into the shower.

as i got undressed, thoughts something like this, came to me

what if lily and i broke up? would that make me feel more at ease when im with her in public?

my heart nearly stopped and i actually thought about it.

would it? would it really? would it be better for the both of us? would it be better if we...broke up?

my heart started to beat, and i felt that cold sweat.

but how could i just break up with her? it would destroy her...and me.
but, does it matter if im dating her or not? my main goal is to protect her and make sure she's okay.
i only want her to be happy

as if right on que, i heard a knock on my door.
i told her i'd be right there, so i quickly wrapped my towel around my body and walked to the door.

as i opened the door, the girl i loved the most was behind it. i tried to put a mask that covers that i was just thinking of breaking up with her, but she saw right through it.

she asked me if there was a problem and that i looked sad, but i just replied with a "no".

she gave in and dismissed it, probably not wanting to be nosy.
even though she didn't know what was going on with me, she still noticed it and asked about it.
i loved this girl so much.

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hihi so sorry for the slow updates i have no motivation whatsoever so i'm forcing myself to come up with ideas to feed the people who actually read this story😇
thx for reading this chapter!!