HeartBreak. || DNF

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TW - Mention of Death & Suicide, Pain.

Song Suggestion - green to blue - slowed + reverbed

The night I had met George was the night I wanted to end my life. I've always wanted to end my life but on that exact day something had happened.

November 18th.

That night I had just broken up with my girlfriend.

I spotted her kissing a random guy that night. It was our 1 year anniversary.

My life was already so bad that at that point I had just given up. I was done with it. So I went to the bridge. I was so close to ending it all but then George came along.

I thought he was such an idiot.

I remember calling Sapnap that night before I got on that bridge, he wouldn't answer any of my phone calls.

The next day he was convinced I was dead.

He had knew this had happened to me before so he was worried.

July 6th, I was in the hospital because I tried to commit.

No matter what I did it just wouldn't work. Why couldn't I just die?

I make eye contact with George as he pulled out from the kiss with my brother at our New Years party. I was so ready to tell him I loved him.

His smile drops as he was now looking at me.

I look at him emotionless, I'm not mad.

I should've known this was coming, why did I think George was any different? I didn't deserve George.

I force a smile expecting him to smile back but he didn't. He looked like he was about to cry.

I felt something roll down my cheek, I was the one crying.

Why was I crying? I'm not a teenage boy crying over some silly crush anymore. I was an adult.

My eyes felt so heavy as I felt a huge lump in my throat. Why was I getting so upset.

Everything looked so slo-mo, my vision was getting blurry and before I knew it George grabbed his chest falling to his knees.

But then I felt a huge shock in my heart which made it feel like my lungs were closing up.

No, I wasn't this upset over some boy. This was real. This wasn't an emotional pain it was physical.

My heart hurts.

It's burning but so is George's heart.

He was kneeling gripping onto his shirt.

People rushed over to me so I couldn't see George anymore but all I heard was blurry shouting and saw people hovering over me.

I was wincing in pain basically shouting for help but all I could hear now was my quick heartbeat.

It was just me and George in pain, nobody else. Why were we both always in pain at the same time over the same thing?

I hated it.

Badunk

Badunk

Badunk

Badunk

The thumping bass reverberated through the room, making the floor vibrate beneath my feet.

The partygoers' chatter and laughter turned into a confusing cry as the room spun around me.

I desperately tried to take a deep breath, but the pain in my chest intensified with every gasp. It was getting so painful my legs and hands wouldn't stop shaking.