HeartBreak. || DNF

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TW: Suicide thoughts, SH, cigarettes, strong language

I wasn't exactly the best kid growing up. 

I look around my mothers room and notice the light reflecting on a small white object. 

Never seen anything like it. 

It had black stuff on the end of it, it was almost like dust.

A cigarette. 

That's what mom called it. 

She would always blow out a grey rainy cloud from it, almost like a balloon. I wanted to try but she'd never let me.

Maybe it's because I wasn't tough enough. 

She was wrong though, I was tough and strong. I could do a lot of things, I went to a real school during my middle school years and the teachers always told me I was gifted.

Never knew what that meant. 

My mom didn't bother to learn either. 

I grab the cigar and place it between my two fingers. 

I'm fourteen years old and my friend Sapnap was 13. Sapnap already had a girlfriend by then, her name was Allie. 

I wasn't interested in that shit though. Girls, girls, girls. That was all I heard everywhere I went. 

I knew Allie liked me though.

She really did. 

She would always attempt to get my number though I didn't even have a phone yet. 

"Hi Dream." She smiles softly.

"Hi." I say looking up at her from my notebook. The bell had rung and I tried my best to get out of the situation but no matter what I did, she just wouldn't leave. 

"I like that top. Green suits you!" She exclaims. 

"Yeah, it's my favorite color." I awkwardly smile. 

She then puts her hand on my shoulder and the other on my hair slightly twirling it with her fingers. 

Oh, come on now. 

"I'm really struggling with the math project.. can you help?" 

Stupid. 

"No sorry, I have to get home." I quickly say trying to walk past her. 

"Oh okay, could I have your number then? We could go over it." 

"No. Stop."

Do people not know what no means anymore? 

"Oh Clay, I need to get my work done. Please?" 

Fucking hell.

"Fine." I give in. She just wanted to get some work done, that's it. After that I'll call Sapnap over to pick her up. Right?

No, I was wrong. 

She came over and she didn't just want help with her homework. 

I can slightly remember what happened that night, I kind of wish I didn't though. I mean, I was traumatized. 

She touched me. A lot. 

But she just touched me. She also showed me herself, I didn't want to see that though. 

I looked away immediately, it felt wrong. 

I knew if I told anyone they might report it to the police but did it really count as SA?